122: I Refuse

Xavier

    I run into the hospital entrance, panting. The lady at the desk only shows a mild look of surprise. I guess she sees frantic people like me often enough. I ask her where Lee is, and I thank heaven that she's not in some restricted-visitor section. 

    Lea runs in after me before I can start towards the elevators to go to where my Lily is.

    "Let me handle my mother." she says, surprising me. I turn to her with a confused look. "Look, I want to go in, make sure she's okay, and then I'll get Mom to go to the cafeteria or something."

     "Why are you doing this for me?" I ask suspiciously.

     "That girl may get on my last nerve about how 'perfect' she is, but she's still my sister. And I know that seeing you might help her recover." Lea says defensively. I decide not to ask any more questions and just be grateful for her help: a first. I still don't want her to tell me what's going on with Lily. I'm just encouraged Lily's not in intensive care or something. In fact, they have her in a more temporary area.

     I 'hide' in the nearby waiting room behind a magazine until I see that Lea successfully gets Leila out of the way. Nearly shaking, I finally go and see my Lily.

    After a quick glace through a near-empty, multi-bed room, I find her. She sleeps peacefully on her hospital bed, and I go and sit at the edge of it, not wanting to drag the nearby chair up to the bed.

      I haven't seen her in weeks, ages, and the first time I see her again is in the hospital. I don't know, still, what's wrong, but I feel encouraged nonetheless. Her coloring is good, if a little pale. She just looks tired.

     I feel so guilty. She's here because of me and my damn hormones! I think as a few angry tears escape my eyes before I quickly wipe them away. I haven't a doubt in my head that this has something to do with the pregnancy.

      Still, even with the guilt I feel, I also feel whole again, sitting here next to her. That mother of hers will have to forcibly drag me from her side. I'm not going anywhere.

    Not able to help myself, I reach up to brush her hair a little more off of her face and run my fingertips down her jaw. I've missed her so much.

      I jerk my hand back in surprise when she opens her eyes. They're a little bloodshot, and they're so green that they're almost glowing.

      "Xavier." she breathes.

      "Yeah." I say stupidly as she looks around anxiously, I guess for her mother. "Lea got her to go to the cafeteria." I explain.

      "How long have you been here?" she asks.

      "Not long at all." I answer. Then I take a deep breath and ask her what's going on.

      She immediately starts crying as the words spill out of her, "I had a miscarriage. They tell me it was never really alive, or that's how I interpreted it, that it had mutated or something and then attached, and my body was trying unsuccessfully to flush it out. I was doubled over in pain when Mom brought me in, and they took me back and removed it. It all happened so fast that Mom only called Lea after they were done."

      It's a lot to take in. Never really alive? What does that mean? "But you're okay, right?" I ask.

      She nods slowly, and I feel faint with relief. "They just want to keep me here until tomorrow to keep an eye on me, to make sure nothing else goes wrong." I reach up to wipe the tears off of her cheeks as she says, "I'm so sorry."

      "Lily, you're okay. That's what's important."

      "But my body killed it."

      "What?!" I nearly snap. "No! I guess stuff like this happens."

      "And all of this family drama for something that wasn't even a baby."

      "Stop." I say with my hands on either side of her face.

      Suddenly, I hear that woman's voice behind me, "What the hell are you doing here?!"

      Crap.

    "Haven't you done enough? I want you away from her!" she snarls, looking like she's ready to drag me away from Lee herself.

     "Calm down!" I say, deciding it might be better to seek a peaceful resolution. If Lee's no longer pregnant, maybe we can get along again.

      "She could've died! I want you nowhere near her. I refuse to let this happen again!"

      Then again, maybe not.

    I see Lea walk up behind her mother and stand there in an almost bored way. I guess helpful Lea is gone. I don't think much more about her, and I start addressing this bitchy parent in front of me.

    "I refuse to let this happen again!" I snap. "You're not keeping me from her."

    "I have her best interests at heart. You on the other hand -"

    Lee interrupts, "Mom, shut up." Her tone is snappish, and her mom looks at her in shock.

     Lily sits up on the edge of the bed and sighs exasperatedly while I stare down her mother, ready to go 'John Parren' on her ass should she do something to separate us.

    "Lily, lay back down. You need to rest." I request quietly, beating her mother to it apparently.

    "I have to use the restroom." she offers in explanation.

    Leila says quickly, "Then let me help you, sweetie."

    Lee turns and glares at her mother. "No. I want Xavier to."

    "Don't be ridiculous. To the bathroom?"

    "Yes!" Lily says emphatically and shoves her mother away.

    A little surprised, I still won't refuse to help her do anything, so I help her walk to the nearby restroom. I feel a little awkward once we're in the restroom, and I leave for her to do what she needs to do. Then I walk back in as she washes her hands.

     Suddenly, she turns and throws her arms around my neck and buries her face against my chest. "I missed you so much." she whispers into my shirt. I don't trust my voice at the moment, so I just kiss her hair and hold her as tight as I feel I can. My mind drifts back to the first time I hugged her and it went past friendship. She felt so good in my arms, and she still does.

     I will move Heaven and Earth to stop that woman from separating us.

     What if we were married?

    I help her back onto her bed, and she complains of being a little hot, so she doesn't cover up this time. She snaps at her mother again, telling her I'm staying and she'll have to get over it. Leila looks hurt, and she sits down quietly in the nearby chair. Lea wanders around, looking at stuff on the walls. I sit down once again on the edge of the bed.

    "I should've gone to the doctor like you said. Then they could've maybe found out sooner before it got life-threatening." she says quietly up to me.

    "Don't worry about that now. The important thing is you're okay." I say quickly, still feeling relief wash over me with that fact.

     "I heard them say that this is rare for someone as young as me that this happened." she says, and I feel like it's just us two sitting here in our own little bubble. I completely ignore her mother. 

    I don't know what to say to what she said, so I sit here and just quietly hold her hand.

    Not too much later, a doctor comes by to check on her, and I hear her tell her that she needs to rest and abstain from sex for a few months. I catch Leila rolling her eyes. Like I'd do that anyway. Geez woman! I could've guessed that. The doc prescribes her some iron supplements and some antibiotics. She had a bladder infection on top of everything else. The guilt I have twists like a knife in my gut.

     I finally get around to telling my parents where I am, apologizing for just running out like I did. I guess my dad doesn't know what to think of me anymore because all he does is thank me for telling them where I am. It's about midnight.

    The next morning when they discharge Lily, a major fight breaks out. She announces that she's going home with me. Her mother, naturally, throws a fit to which Lily argues back saying that she's had enough of her domineering bullshit and that if she has to run away over and over again, then she would. Then she asked her if she wanted to force her to make her recovery take longer by her having physically fight with her. I've never in my life seen Lee act like this. I am so proud of her.

    I actually feel a little sorry for Leila as I watch her face fall. She tells her she loves her, and her home is always open to her.

    "I love you too, Mom, but I refuse to let you keep me from Xavier any longer." Lily says before the nurse comes and makes her ride in a wheelchair out of the hospital.

     I know that legally Leila can force Lily to come home, but I hope she doesn't. If she wants a repaired relationship with her daughter, then she needs to give her a little space first.

     Well, Leila hates me now, thinking I stole her daughter. Oh well.

    Ben has a great Christmas. I'm glad. I can't help but feel that my absence for most of the day contributed to that, and that doesn't bother me one bit.

     I talk to Marie Christmas night since it's morning where she is. She rips into me about getting Lily pregnant even though she had a miscarriage. She threatens, like I thought, to jump on the next plane to come and kick some sense into my skull, but I eventually get her to calm down. Geez, woman! I ask her if she's started up a simfu academy yet, and she tells me no before I tell her that's stupid, that she should at least go see if a nearby gym wants her to teach. She mumbles something about thinking about it. She never asks me about Andy, Dawson or Armand, so I don't tell her anything. Dawson is engaged to Cristina now, and I don't think that's the kind of thing Marie wants to hear, especially at Christmas.

    We start to settle into a pattern over the next couple of weeks before school starts back. Lily is usually tired. Surprisingly, it's Mom who's the biggest help to her. I guess Mom is no stranger to tragedy. Mom keeps all her 'I'm pregnant' bubbliness to herself, knowing that that would only hurt Lily. I guess I should give my mom a little more credit.

     For the first week, Lee sleeps in Marie's old bed, and I take back my loft bed in the studio. I don't want to accidentally hurt her or something in the middle of the night. Besides, Marie's old room is like a suite with the attached private bathroom. I clean the bathroom three times to make sure it's clean enough for her. She may think I'm crazy about it, but I won't take any risk.

    One morning, I come back up to the studio after having breakfast, and I find Lee chipping away at something on her sculpting station. It may as well be her sculpting station, she's the only one to use it.
    "What are you doing? You need to rest." I chastise her gently.
    "I'm sick to death of resting. Right now I just want to beat the crap out of this chisel." She stops and looks at the chisel in her hand, swings the hammer sans chisel at her sculpture, denting it badly, and breaks into tears.

     "Oh, Lily." I say, glad I finally can help her some way as I walk us over to the couch and pull her into my lap. She sniffs and acts worried about getting my shirt wet with her crying. "Lee, it's just a shirt." I say, not caring about my clothes that I usually want clean clean clean unless I'm painting.

     "I'm so sorry." she bawls, and I wonder what she means.

     "Sorry for what?" I ask.

     "Killing the baby." she squeaks out. "I know it's irrational, but I can't get over that it's all my fault. Maybe if I'd done something different..."

     She's still on about that? "You didn't kill the baby, and I refuse to let you believe that. Something just went wrong that we had no control over is all."
     "Then why do I feel so guilty?"
     "I don't know, but I feel guilty too ... for getting you pregnant in the first place."
     "Don't."
     "Too bad." I say with a sad chuckle. I close my eyes when her hand reaches up and starts caressing my cheek.
     "I know we're too young," she whispers, "but I liked the idea of having your baby."
     I stifle a groan. The way she's just touching my face.. and the thing that she said just turned me on like a light, but I cannot let this get out of control. I work on transferring my emotions to something more tender.
     "I want you to have all my babies." I mumble quietly, hoping that that didn't come out bad. I mean, I do. I want to ask her to marry me, but I'm waiting.
     I guess she takes it in a good way because she turns my head and sits up to kiss me. I haven't kissed her, really kissed her in so long. Oh, I've missed it.
      I'm thrown by how she matches me in the intensity of the kiss. Maybe she needs this, just kissing, as badly as I do.
      Eventually she does pull back to pant for air. I'd forgotten there for a moment how easily she tires out these days. Her iron supplements help, but she's having a long recovery.

     Her arms tighten around my neck and shoulders as she leans into the hollow of my throat and says, "Oh, Xavier. I love you. I was getting so worried. About how you were so distant these past few days. About how you might think we shouldn't be together because our combined DNA screwed up."
     I look down at her in a confused sort of horror and ask, "I was distant?" She nods, and I explain, "I thought you needed your space." She shakes her head, so I continue, "And having you close to me affects me in ways that I don't need to be feeling right now." I close my eyes and take a long, deep breath, trying to refocus my thoughts.
     "I miss being close to you." she whispers after I exhale. "Tame the tiger for now  because I need you close to me." She lightly lifts her head while breathing in and kisses me at the bottom of my neck. Oooh.
     "I'll try." I say, 'trying' at this very moment.
     "Good."
      I will try, and I'll succeed.

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Hospital set is Krisis Hospital by Valpre