Friday, December 13, 2013

My Book Release!!!


Woohoo! My book is finally finished and on a few virtual shelves! This morning, I published to Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I'm working with a distributor to also have it available through Sony, Blio, Apple, Diesel, and Kobo, so Guardian Angel should be available to those sites soon! To find out exactly when, follow/subscribe to my author's page/blog:
Also, there's the first chapter you can read right now up on the blog.

To purchase the book at Amazon Kindle, go here.
To purchase the book at Barnes & Noble (Nook version), go here.
To purchase the book at Smashwords, go here.

Incidentally, did you know you can get an app for your PC so that you can read books from Amazon on your computer? I've been surprised by how many people don't know this, so I'm posting a link for the free download of the app here.

Well, now that all that official-type stuff is done, I simply have to say how excited I am to have done this! Thank you to all of my readers and especially to you wonderful commentors out there that have encouraged and supported me while I've honed my storytelling skills. I never thought the day would come when I could finally hit the publish button! 

I'm currently working on a rewrite of my Queen of Denial book. I don't know when that will be finished because it's a very large project, but, since I've mentioned it in last January's interview, I wanted to say that it's still in the works and now off the back burner. ☺

Friday, March 22, 2013

122: I Refuse





Xavier

    I run into the hospital entrance, panting. The lady at the desk only shows a mild look of surprise. I guess she sees frantic people like me often enough. I ask her where Lee is, and I thank heaven that she's not in some restricted-visitor section. 
    Lea runs in after me before I can start towards the elevators to go to where my Lily is.
    "Let me handle my mother." she says, surprising me. I turn to her with a confused look. "Look, I want to go in, make sure she's okay, and then I'll get Mom to go to the cafeteria or something."
     "Why are you doing this for me?" I ask suspiciously.
     "That girl may get on my last nerve about how 'perfect' she is, but she's still my sister. And I know that seeing you might help her recover." Lea says defensively. I decide not to ask any more questions and just be grateful for her help: a first. I still don't want her to tell me what's going on with Lily. I'm just encouraged Lily's not in intensive care or something. In fact, they have her in a more temporary area.
     I 'hide' in the nearby waiting room behind a magazine until I see that Lea successfully gets Leila out of the way. Nearly shaking, I finally go and see my Lily.

    After a quick glace through a near-empty, multi-bed room, I find her. She sleeps peacefully on her hospital bed, and I go and sit at the edge of it, not wanting to drag the nearby chair up to the bed.
      I haven't seen her in weeks, ages, and the first time I see her again is in the hospital. I don't know, still, what's wrong, but I feel encouraged nonetheless. Her coloring is good, if a little pale. She just looks tired.
     I feel so guilty. She's here because of me and my damn hormones! I think as a few angry tears escape my eyes before I quickly wipe them away. I haven't a doubt in my head that this has something to do with the pregnancy.
      Still, even with the guilt I feel, I also feel whole again, sitting here next to her. That mother of hers will have to forcibly drag me from her side. I'm not going anywhere.
    Not able to help myself, I reach up to brush her hair a little more off of her face and run my fingertips down her jaw. I've missed her so much.
      I jerk my hand back in surprise when she opens her eyes. They're a little bloodshot, and they're so green that they're almost glowing.
      "Xavier." she breathes.
      "Yeah." I say stupidly as she looks around anxiously, I guess for her mother. "Lea got her to go to the cafeteria." I explain.
      "How long have you been here?" she asks.
      "Not long at all." I answer. Then I take a deep breath and ask her what's going on.
      She immediately starts crying as the words spill out of her, "I had a miscarriage. They tell me it was never really alive, or that's how I interpreted it, that it had mutated or something and then attached, and my body was trying unsuccessfully to flush it out. I was doubled over in pain when Mom brought me in, and they took me back and removed it. It all happened so fast that Mom only called Lea after they were done."
      It's a lot to take in. Never really alive? What does that mean? "But you're okay, right?" I ask.
      She nods slowly, and I feel faint with relief. "They just want to keep me here until tomorrow to keep an eye on me, to make sure nothing else goes wrong." I reach up to wipe the tears off of her cheeks as she says, "I'm so sorry."
      "Lily, you're okay. That's what's important."
      "But my body killed it."
      "What?!" I nearly snap. "No! I guess stuff like this happens."
      "And all of this family drama for something that wasn't even a baby."
      "Stop." I say with my hands on either side of her face.
      Suddenly, I hear that woman's voice behind me, "What the hell are you doing here?!"
      Crap.

    "Haven't you done enough? I want you away from her!" she snarls, looking like she's ready to drag me away from Lee herself.
     "Calm down!" I say, deciding it might be better to seek a peaceful resolution. If Lee's no longer pregnant, maybe we can get along again.
      "She could've died! I want you nowhere near her. I refuse to let this happen again!"
      Then again, maybe not.

    I see Lea walk up behind her mother and stand there in an almost bored way. I guess helpful Lea is gone. I don't think much more about her, and I start addressing this bitchy parent in front of me.
    "I refuse to let this happen again!" I snap. "You're not keeping me from her."
    "I have her best interests at heart. You on the other hand -"
    Lee interrupts, "Mom, shut up." Her tone is snappish, and her mom looks at her in shock.

     Lily sits up on the edge of the bed and sighs exasperatedly while I stare down her mother, ready to go 'John Parren' on her ass should she do something to separate us.

    "Lily, lay back down. You need to rest." I request quietly, beating her mother to it apparently.
    "I have to use the restroom." she offers in explanation.
    Leila says quickly, "Then let me help you, sweetie."
    Lee turns and glares at her mother. "No. I want Xavier to."
    "Don't be ridiculous. To the bathroom?"
    "Yes!" Lily says emphatically and shoves her mother away.
    A little surprised, I still won't refuse to help her do anything, so I help her walk to the nearby restroom. I feel a little awkward once we're in the restroom, and I leave for her to do what she needs to do. Then I walk back in as she washes her hands.
     Suddenly, she turns and throws her arms around my neck and buries her face against my chest. "I missed you so much." she whispers into my shirt. I don't trust my voice at the moment, so I just kiss her hair and hold her as tight as I feel I can. My mind drifts back to the first time I hugged her and it went past friendship. She felt so good in my arms, and she still does.
     I will move Heaven and Earth to stop that woman from separating us.
     What if we were married?

    I help her back onto her bed, and she complains of being a little hot, so she doesn't cover up this time. She snaps at her mother again, telling her I'm staying and she'll have to get over it. Leila looks hurt, and she sits down quietly in the nearby chair. Lea wanders around, looking at stuff on the walls. I sit down once again on the edge of the bed.
    "I should've gone to the doctor like you said. Then they could've maybe found out sooner before it got life-threatening." she says quietly up to me.
    "Don't worry about that now. The important thing is you're okay." I say quickly, still feeling relief wash over me with that fact.
     "I heard them say that this is rare for someone as young as me that this happened." she says, and I feel like it's just us two sitting here in our own little bubble. I completely ignore her mother. 
    I don't know what to say to what she said, so I sit here and just quietly hold her hand.
    Not too much later, a doctor comes by to check on her, and I hear her tell her that she needs to rest and abstain from sex for a few months. I catch Leila rolling her eyes. Like I'd do that anyway. Geez woman! I could've guessed that. The doc prescribes her some iron supplements and some antibiotics. She had a bladder infection on top of everything else. The guilt I have twists like a knife in my gut.
     I finally get around to telling my parents where I am, apologizing for just running out like I did. I guess my dad doesn't know what to think of me anymore because all he does is thank me for telling them where I am. It's about midnight.

    The next morning when they discharge Lily, a major fight breaks out. She announces that she's going home with me. Her mother, naturally, throws a fit to which Lily argues back saying that she's had enough of her domineering bullshit and that if she has to run away over and over again, then she would. Then she asked her if she wanted to force her to make her recovery take longer by her having physically fight with her. I've never in my life seen Lee act like this. I am so proud of her.
    I actually feel a little sorry for Leila as I watch her face fall. She tells her she loves her, and her home is always open to her.
    "I love you too, Mom, but I refuse to let you keep me from Xavier any longer." Lily says before the nurse comes and makes her ride in a wheelchair out of the hospital.
     I know that legally Leila can force Lily to come home, but I hope she doesn't. If she wants a repaired relationship with her daughter, then she needs to give her a little space first.
     Well, Leila hates me now, thinking I stole her daughter. Oh well.

    Ben has a great Christmas. I'm glad. I can't help but feel that my absence for most of the day contributed to that, and that doesn't bother me one bit.
     I talk to Marie Christmas night since it's morning where she is. She rips into me about getting Lily pregnant even though she had a miscarriage. She threatens, like I thought, to jump on the next plane to come and kick some sense into my skull, but I eventually get her to calm down. Geez, woman! I ask her if she's started up a simfu academy yet, and she tells me no before I tell her that's stupid, that she should at least go see if a nearby gym wants her to teach. She mumbles something about thinking about it. She never asks me about Andy, Dawson or Armand, so I don't tell her anything. Dawson is engaged to Cristina now, and I don't think that's the kind of thing Marie wants to hear, especially at Christmas.

    We start to settle into a pattern over the next couple of weeks before school starts back. Lily is usually tired. Surprisingly, it's Mom who's the biggest help to her. I guess Mom is no stranger to tragedy. Mom keeps all her 'I'm pregnant' bubbliness to herself, knowing that that would only hurt Lily. I guess I should give my mom a little more credit.
     For the first week, Lee sleeps in Marie's old bed, and I take back my loft bed in the studio. I don't want to accidentally hurt her or something in the middle of the night. Besides, Marie's old room is like a suite with the attached private bathroom. I clean the bathroom three times to make sure it's clean enough for her. She may think I'm crazy about it, but I won't take any risk.

    One morning, I come back up to the studio after having breakfast, and I find Lee chipping away at something on her sculpting station. It may as well be her sculpting station, she's the only one to use it.
    "What are you doing? You need to rest." I chastise her gently.
    "I'm sick to death of resting. Right now I just want to beat the crap out of this chisel." She stops and looks at the chisel in her hand, swings the hammer sans chisel at her sculpture, denting it badly, and breaks into tears.

     "Oh, Lily." I say, glad I finally can help her some way as I walk us over to the couch and pull her into my lap. She sniffs and acts worried about getting my shirt wet with her crying. "Lee, it's just a shirt." I say, not caring about my clothes that I usually want clean clean clean unless I'm painting.
     "I'm so sorry." she bawls, and I wonder what she means.
     "Sorry for what?" I ask.
     "Killing the baby." she squeaks out. "I know it's irrational, but I can't get over that it's all my fault. Maybe if I'd done something different..."
     She's still on about that? "You didn't kill the baby, and I refuse to let you believe that. Something just went wrong that we had no control over is all."
     "Then why do I feel so guilty?"
     "I don't know, but I feel guilty too ... for getting you pregnant in the first place."
     "Don't."
     "Too bad." I say with a sad chuckle. I close my eyes when her hand reaches up and starts caressing my cheek.
     "I know we're too young," she whispers, "but I liked the idea of having your baby."
     I stifle a groan. The way she's just touching my face.. and the thing that she said just turned me on like a light, but I cannot let this get out of control. I work on transferring my emotions to something more tender.
     "I want you to have all my babies." I mumble quietly, hoping that that didn't come out bad. I mean, I do. I want to ask her to marry me, but I'm waiting.
     I guess she takes it in a good way because she turns my head and sits up to kiss me. I haven't kissed her, really kissed her in so long. Oh, I've missed it.
      I'm thrown by how she matches me in the intensity of the kiss. Maybe she needs this, just kissing, as badly as I do.
      Eventually she does pull back to pant for air. I'd forgotten there for a moment how easily she tires out these days. Her iron supplements help, but she's having a long recovery.

     Her arms tighten around my neck and shoulders as she leans into the hollow of my throat and says, "Oh, Xavier. I love you. I was getting so worried. About how you were so distant these past few days. About how you might think we shouldn't be together because our combined DNA screwed up."
     I look down at her in a confused sort of horror and ask, "I was distant?" She nods, and I explain, "I thought you needed your space." She shakes her head, so I continue, "And having you close to me affects me in ways that I don't need to be feeling right now." I close my eyes and take a long, deep breath, trying to refocus my thoughts.
     "I miss being close to you." she whispers after I exhale. "Tame the tiger for now  because I need you close to me." She lightly lifts her head while breathing in and kisses me at the bottom of my neck. Oooh.
     "I'll try." I say, 'trying' at this very moment.
     "Good."
      I will try, and I'll succeed.

-------------------------------------------

Hospital set is Krisis Hospital by Valpre

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

121: Lily




Xavier


    We're having a little party with my family and Lee's family. Her twin sister Lea (pronounced Le-ah)(I have no idea why her mother named the two of them Lee and Lea) really gets on my nerves. I worry about what on earth she could be filling Ben's head with. Maybe they're just talking about Demarco, my old step-brother and his half-brother, since she's dating him. It's fitting that she is. They're both as evil as can be.
      I have bigger worries than what Lea could be up to, however. I'm scared to death of telling our parents. Still, I want Lee's pregnancy out in the open. She's not gone to see a doctor yet, and that scares me more than telling our parents. It's my hope that maybe she'll listen to her mother who will definitely demand that she do so.

     I take Lee over to sit in a chair because she looks pale.
    "I don't want to do this today, Xavier." she says quietly.
     I lean down and talk in her ear, "Everyone is together. There's never going to be a perfect time to do this."
      She turns to look at me worriedly.

    I can feel my dad, who's wearing a ridiculous shirt just to make Mom happy, staring at us. He never misses a thing. It's the agent in him; I guess the training never goes away. My mom acts clueless like always, only focused on herself and her pregnancy. She's showing much sooner than Lee, I guess because this is her third.
    "Everything okay, you two?" Dad asks.
    "Yes, everything's fine." Lee quickly answers before I can say anything.

     "Lily..." I whisper.
     "I can't." she nearly cries.
     "I will then." I say and step around her to sit on the arm of the chair next to her.
     She grabs hold of my arm and looks at me imploringly as she whispers, "No! Please! Some other time. I don't want to ruin everything. Can't it wait?"
      Dad continues to stare at us. Sometimes I wonder if he can read a person's thoughts. No, not really.. he's just good at reading facial expressions.
      I've never been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of guy, and I sat up last night figuring out what exactly I would say to our parents if it came to me being the one to do it. I want it out of the way. I want Lee to see a doctor. She hasn't been to see anyone since that first visit to the clinic to confirm the pregnancy. I doubt she even has an OB/GYN. 
      I did some research online because I had to find out everything I could, and I read everywhere that she needs regular visits to a real pregnancy doctor, not some single visit to a nurse at a clinic. When I bring this up to her, she shoots me down, saying that the doctor would be forced to tell her mother since we're underage. Then she feeds me this load of bull about how 'women have been doing this since the dawn of time' which I can't help but think Yeah, and they would often die! If anything happened to her.... Well, I don't want to think about that.
      Mom finally gets a clue. "Something's wrong. What is it?"
      I flip my hair out of my eyes and look over at my parents. Lee's mom has sat down to apparently try and get Lea to play a game of chess. I see out of the corner of my eye that she too turns to us. Ben gets up to go and probably try to figure out what his presents are again.
      I make eye contact with Lee, and she quickly looks down, already looking like she wants to cry. I hate that. This is all my fault. I'll take the heat and tell them. A surreal feeling crosses over me as I get ready to say my prepared speech.
      "Alright. Lee and I have something to tell everyone." I start out. I hear her mom take in a breath. She probably just guessed. I wonder how she told her parents when she got pregnant with Lee and her sister at sixteen. Lee's leg starts shaking while I continue, "We never meant for this to happen."
       "No." Leila, Lee's mom, says. Then she looks surprised she spoke aloud.
     "Never meant for what to happen, Xavier?" my dad questions, a mild growl in his voice.
       Crap! Well, there goes my carefully planned speech. Maybe I can salvage some of it. "I would also like to say that I take responsibility for what has happened, and I intend to do the best I can with the consequences." Ugh, my first child is a 'consequences'.
       Lea's eyes become little slits as she blurts out, "You're pregnant, aren't you, Lee?"
       I hate that girl.
       All eyes turn to my precious Lily, and a single tear escapes her eye as she quietly nods her head yes.

     Her mom stands up and starts crying. My mom starts crying. Lee keeps crying. The only woman in this house who isn't crying is Lea, and I have never wanted to hit a girl so much in my life. She ruined my carefully prepared speech! It wasn't supposed to happen like this!
     Dad starts up. "I never in my life... Never! expected this out of you!" he yells to me. His posture belies the rage that I'm sure boils below the surface.
     Fine, Dad! Bring it! 
     "And you think I did?!" I yell back.
     Poor Ben, in the middle of everything, just stands there with his eyes wide.
     "How could you be so irresponsible?!" Dad yells again.

     "This was an accident!" I exclaim as Lily sniffs behind me.
     "Obviously!" Dad yells some more. "I would hope that you didn't do this on purpose!"
     Her mother says to me with venom in her voice, "You monster. How could you do this to my daughter?" Her words hurt me more than Dad's, and I don't know what to say.
      Lee finally speaks up, "Mom, he's not totally to blame."

     "Oh, and don't I know it!" Leila snaps. "After everything I went through... we went through! Did you learn nothing?" Her voice takes on a determined tone now as she says, "Go home. Go home and stay there. I don't want you around this boy again ever! Do you understand me?!" Then, she turns to Dad and says, "I had thought that my daughter dating the retired police chief's son would not be putting her at risk for this sort of thing. Clearly, I was wrong. I thought you were better than your brothers, John, but again, I was wrong on that count as well. I should have factored in the way your mother raised, if you could call it that, the three of you."
      Dad glares at the woman as he says in a dangerous tone, "Yes, because you knew all about it, being there all the time like you were, chasing Eric." He flips his hair out of his face like he expects it to be longer than it is. "Let's not discuss parenting strategies, because I could decide to bring up the fact that your daughter has decided to follow in her mother's footsteps!"
     Leila gasps and says, "Girls, we're leaving."
     I speak up. "Nobody's going anywhere."
     Dad points his finger at me and says, "Oh yes they are! You can head straight up to your room!"
     "Make me! I'm not six years old anymore, Dad!"
     "John, stop it!" Mom cries from over at the window.
     Dad's whole demeanor changes when he sees how my mom is breaking down, and he appears to ignore the rest of the room as he walks over to her.
    Lee's mom grabs her by the arm and starts urging her to leave. I turn around, shocked that Lee is letting her.

      "No." I snap at Leila and push her off of Lily.
      "Mom, give me a minute." Lee says quietly.
      "Fine. Go ahead and explain to him that you can never see him again." her mom says, letting out this disgusted noise and rolling her eyes. What?!
       Ben still stands woodenly over next to the tree, obviously not knowing what to do.

    Lee refuses to look at me as my heart beats painfully in my chest. No, surely she's not going to do what her mother says, is she? "Lily?" I ask, hating the desperate tone of my voice. I now understand how Dad can ignore everyone else in the room as I try to get the woman I love's attention. "Lily, please look at me and tell me that you're not walking out of here to never see me again. That's outrageous! We're in this together, remember?" This isn't happening. I grasp her chin and turn her face towards me. The pain in her eyes rips my heart right out of me.
     "I should probably go." she says quietly.
     I swallow and ask, "But I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
     "I don't think so, Xavier." she answers, crushing me into a billion pieces.
     I start shaking just a little as I ask her to clarify, "Later this week then?" A tear escapes her eye, and I quickly reach up to wipe it away. I'm dying here.
      "I don't know." she answers. I'm about three seconds from dragging her away from the front door and holding her hostage away from her mother, but the look in her eyes stops me. I get the feeling that she's desperately trying to convey to me that she has to do this, this leaving right now, and follow her mother's directions. I tell myself that this won't last forever, and we'll either be able to talk some sense into that woman or have Lee escape her. "I don't know what else I can do." she whispers almost inaudibly.
     "Don't worry." I mumble as quietly as I can. "I'll think of something." Then I press my lips hard on her forehead to her mother griping again about wanting to leave.
    Lee, her sister, and her mother walk out of the house. Lily looks sad, her mother angry, but her sister really pisses me off. She actually looks happy that Lee is in trouble. She smiles in sadistic mirth to my glare before she closes the door behind them.

     I walk around the chair in front of me and flop down into it. I knew that wasn't going to go well, but I didn't expect Leila to tell Lily to never see me again. My world is crumbling around me, and I don't know what to do about it.
      "I'll be okay, John. Just let me sit here a minute." I hear Mom almost whisper to him.
      "I don't get to open my presents, I guess, do I?" Ben asks quietly. Mom and Dad had decided we could open a few presents early because of the small party.
      No one answers him, so I do. "I guess not tonight, buddy. Sorry I ruined it."
      Dad turns to him to say, "You can open them in the morning, I promise. Why don't you go to bed or... just go play in your room for a little while until you're sleepy." Dad gives Ben a pained expression as if to say he's sorry he's shoving him to the side like this yet again. Even with everything else going on in my head, I again wonder if Dad secretly hates him and tries not to.
      I hear the door to Ben's room close and my dad sigh in a defeated manner before he walks over to where I sit.
     "What the hell was she talking about, Dad?" I ask with my head in my hands, meaning Leila.
      He takes a deep breath and says, "I'd hoped never to have to tell you."
    "So... what? Was your mom some kind of inattentive parent that let you, Uncle Eric, and Uncle Jonah run around and do whatever you want? That's what it sounded like she implied."
    "That's exactly what she implied." Dad says quietly. "And she has a point. Still, that was a low blow for her to associate you with that. I'm not exactly proud of what I said to her in return either." he finishes.
      "I'm sorry, Dad." I say quietly with my head still in my hands. I stare at the rug under my feet as he places his hand on my shoulder in a gesture of support I guess.
     "I'm not proud of you for this, but we'll help you as much as we can." he says quietly, and I can't help but think that I have so much to learn about being a parent.
      I mumble a quiet thank you and tell him I'm going to bed. I've been sleeping in Marie's old room and using my room upstairs as just my studio. I wonder if they'll let me stay in this detached part of the house, or will they force me to take one of the smaller rooms in the main part.
    I walk into the room and think how right now I'd love nothing more than to go to that house, snatch Lee away, and bring her here to stay.

     I pretend I'm a corpse as I lie here on my bed. I deserved everything Lee's mother threw at me, but I can't believe the horrible things that she said to verbally attack my father the way she did! Just how bad was my grandmother? It's not Dad's fault and certainly not mine! Stuff like this happens!
     And what is she thinking in thinking that she can keep me and Lily from seeing each other? Even I know that doesn't work.
     How long is she going to try to keep this up? I already feel like I'm dying inside with the thought of not seeing Lily for an extended period of time. Then I get an idea, and pull my binder out of my bookbag in hopes to write her mom a letter of apology. I've got to try.

Dear Ms Rose,
     
         I groan, yank the piece of paper out of the binder, and ball it up before throwing it on the floor. I don't need to start it out with 'dear'. So, I try another approach... then another... then another.

     I yawn as I contemplate yet again how on earth I'm going to write this letter to Leila, my botched attempts littering the area around me. How do I try and apologize for this? What can I say to convince her to stop trying to keep me from Lily?
     I slap my pen down on the paper and wearily put my forehead on my wrist, trying to get my brain to function and make me come up with the right thing to say.

     I wake up to my alarm going off and my wrist hurting. I fell asleep!
   Today is the last day of school before the winter break. Lily doesn't show up. I can't say I'm surprised, but I'd still harbored a hope anyway. At least the kids at school don't act like they know, meaning Lea has kept her mouth shut. 
    I change my mind about my suspicion when I get a leering grin from Demarco before walking into History. I suppose it's only a matter of time before everyone knows now. Kiss my ass, Demarco, I think as I slam my books down on my desk, startling those around me.
    By the time I'm walking home at the end of the day (I hate riding the bus), people stop and stare at me, girls whisper to each other with their hands covering their mouths like I won't see them talking, and then the chatter starts up after I leave the area. The only thing good about all this is that Lily doesn't have to endure it. Maybe by the time winter break is over, it will be old news.

      For days, I try to get Lee on the phone, but her mom stops even answering the phone when I call. I even try from Uncle Eric's house, but she still doesn't answer. So, I try going by the house to force them to acknowledge me. She calls out Hugh (well, Chief Carson) to come and escort me off of the property.
      I keep texting Lily, but I don't feel surprised when I never get a response. I do the same with email. I just have to keep trying to hopefully somehow get through to her and convince her to leave her mom's and move in here. I'd run this idea by my parents, and they acted okay with it... even if Mom hardly speaks to me right now. I'll worry about Mom later.
      I spend most of my time in my studio, thinking. I try painting to pass the time. I get everything set up, look at the canvas, and absolutely nothing comes to me. I've never had that happen. Some ideas I've had have been better than others, sure, but I've never had nothing.
     So, I practice that mandolin I have and break two strings, one of which I have no replacement. I sit and dumbly stare at the broken string and can't help but feel a kinship with it.

       It's Christmas Eve, and I really don't feel like celebrating anything. I wonder how long this is going to last.
       Disrupting my depressing quiet, I hear a knock on my door. I can't think of the last time someone has knocked on this door. Delivery persons don't usually confuse it with being the front door due to its second floor position, and my family members and Lily never knock. I go to open it, and I see it's Lea.
      "What do you want?" I snap.
      She snorts and says, "You'd think you'd be happy to get at least some message from my sister, but if you really don't want to hear it then I can just -"
       "No!" I stop her quickly from walking away. She turns back around with that sinister grin of hers and faces me. I invite her inside.

      "So, perfect little Lee screws up. Finally, I'm not the bad daughter anymore!" she says, deciding obviously to start out by gloating.
      How she can be Lily's twin beats me. She's literally the evil twin.
    "What's the message, Lea? Please tell me or get out." I say in as little a snappish manner as I can handle. The 'please' had to be forced out.
      She flops herself down on the chair at the drafting table, and I sit myself down on the sofa. I guess I'm going to have to put up with a little of her crap before she'll finally give me whatever tidbit of information she was sent to deliver.
    "I don't know. Maybe you really don't want to hear it. You're not going to like it." she says cryptically, and my heart plummets to my stomach. 
       So, this is it then. She's breaking up with me via her sister.
      "Well since you came all this way..." I quip sardonically. She's right, maybe I don't want to hear it.
      "Oh please." she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "She's not breaking up with you, even if Mom almost hourly tells her to." My breathing gets shallow as this horrible girl continues, "She wants me to tell you that Mom wants to send her to a boarding school until she has the baby, and then we're moving out of this town."
      "What?!" I let out as a whine. "How can that be considered not breaking up with me?!" Right now, I don't even care that I'm showing this devil-woman my pain.
       Lea sighs exasperatedly like she thinks I'm thick. "Because she doesn't want to do it. I've never known a person that can argue as quietly and calmly as she can." That's because she's an angel. "Mom tells her she doesn't have a choice, and Lee threatens to move out and/or run away." Lea calmly puts her hands in her lap. "So, that's the stalemate at my house right now. I owed her a favor, and she wanted me to tell you this. I think Mom knows that Lee is perfectly capable of carrying through on her threat. Lee didn't want me to tell you this, but she did a little digging and found an obscure law in this crazy town that allows pregnant teens to move in with the fathers or vice versa if one set of parents creates a hostile environment."
     You're brilliant, Lily!
     "Then tell her to move out! Mom and Dad already told me they're okay with something like that!" I say and bolt up off of the sofa as she looks at me with an alarmed expression.
   "The problem is proving whether or not her home environment is hostile. That's what she's working on right now." Lea says like she's bored. Then she gets up to walk towards the door.

     "Hostile?!" I snap as I stomp over to her. "The woman is keeping her there as a prisoner in her own house!"
      "And Mom says it's for her own good. Frankly, I have to agree." I seriously want to hit her. "However..." she puts her finger on her mouth in a pondering gesture, "I don't want to move and leave Demarco... maybe..."
     Suddenly, her phone rings. While she talks to the person on the other end of the line, her face blanches and her eyes widen in horror.
       "I'll be there soon." she says and hangs up. Then, she looks at me and says with a trace amount of fear in her voice, "Lee is in the hospital. There's a problem."

      I don't ponder the change in Lea's attitude. I don't ask any questions. I don't want to hear whatever it is that's happened from that bitch's lips. I just push her out of my way and race down the stairs, across the street, through the central square, and down the short street to the hospital with my heart pounding in my ears. That woman has to let me see her! No! Not my darling Lily! What's going on?! Please, please not Lily!




--------------------------------------------------------------

Just to clarify: John's brother Eric is not the father of the twins. Xavier is not dating his cousin. :)

Also, sorry about the near-constant switching of Lee/Lily and having it be the same person. I use the name that suits the situation better. SP named Lee and Lea, and with their mother as Leila, I figured calling Lee Lily every so often just added into the mix!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

120: This Old Man




Jonah


     I come home from work to find Kaiti passed out on the couch. It's the off season, and I hate it that I had to work late anyway.
     "Kaiti?" I ask as I kneel down next to her, my knees cracking as I do.
     She lets out this groaning sound and shoves her face into the couch. "Sleepy." she mumbles.
     "Then wouldn't you rather go upstairs and sleep on an actual bed?" I ask, trying not to laugh. I'd finally convinced her to move in with me, and I love having her here. This house doesn't feel like just walls and floor with some furniture thrown in. It feels like home.
     I reach for her to her groaning again. She's so cute when she's sleepy and grumpy like this. I sit down on the couch and pull her up to sit her in my lap.

      "What time is it?" she asks after a huge yawn.
      "About ten o'clock." I answer.
      "I'm this tired at only ten?" she asks and finally turns to face me.

     She looks at me with 'kiss me' written all over her face. Automatically, my hand slides up her thigh to just under her skirt. It's warmer there.
       "You're home late." she says dreamily.
       "Yeah, sorry. I went ... shopping too."
       "Why didn't you come home first? What if I wanted to go?"
       "Well, I knew I'd want to stay home as soon as I got home." I say. I've had enough talking, so I finally give her that kiss that her eyes had begged me for.
       As usual, Kaiti's good with the physical stuff. Not as good as me, but that's another story. However, as much as I'd love to just take her upstairs and really wear her out, I have something I need to talk to her about. I pull back, and she looks at me with a confused expression.
      "I need to talk to you." I say.

     "What is it?" she asks as she curls into a ball next to me.
     "Well, first of all, let me start by saying that I love having you here."
     "You said that already." she says with a sigh, but there's also a hint of a smile in her features.
     "I know, but I still am. I want to know whether or not you've liked living here."
      I can see her start to tense up, but she answers my question anyway. "I've really liked it. Not so much the house but more like because I don't have to be alone. Yes, you leave the seat up and can't seem to remember how to make a bed, but those things don't really matter."
      I reach up and hold one of her hands as she fidgets with them. With a deep breath, I just come right out with it. "I love you." I prepare myself for every reaction, and I watch her like a hawk.
      She's quiet for a few long seconds before she unpredictably jumps up off of the couch and heads towards the kitchen. "Why do you do stuff like that to me, Jonah?"
      I jump up after her and get hold of her hands. "Stuff like what?"
      "Super serious stuff. You scare the crap out of me when you get like this."
      "Why?" I ask as I coax her back to the couch. She flops down upon it. I get on my knees in front of her and wait for her to answer my question.
      "Because I'm scared. I can't explain it better." she says as she covers her face with her hands.
 
      I get hold of one of those hands and hold it in both of mine. "I know you are. Still, I've been thinking about why exactly you're scared. I've already proven to you that I'm not him." I remind her, speaking of that ex-boyfriend from high school.
      "I know, I know. But what if you do the same thing?"
      "I'm never going to abandon you, Kaiti. In fact, I want the opposite." I say.
      "What do you mean?" she asks, finally taking in the way I'm down on one knee.

     "Jonah? Are you -"
     "I am." I say and her hand moves to her mouth.

     I realize the immense possibility that she'll say no or not yet, but I forge ahead anyway. I wish I could see her expression better, but I'm encouraged by her silence. It's as if she's waiting for me to continue.

    I don't really have much of an idea of what's coming out of my mouth. I honestly wonder if she's even listening that closely. She just keeps staring at our hands.
     "Kaiti?" I ask, wondering if she's paying attention.
     "Hm?"
     "Did you hear what I said?" I hope you did because I don't remember either.
     "I think so."

     Oh well, when words don't work there's always this. I pull her up to stand and kiss her senseless.

     When I finally release her, she asks me breathlessly, "I always keep meaning to ask you where you learned to kiss like that."
      I can't help but chuckle a little at that.

    I just smile and say, "That's a secret." That only me, Greg and a very generous woman know. Well, I guess for Greg you could say knew. "But that doesn't matter right now. I want to show you what I went shopping for."

     For the second time in my life, I get down on one knee and ask a woman to marry me. I think Kaiti's paying attention this time.

     This is one good thing about marrying an old man, Kaiti. Bling! I think as a little chiming sound sounds off in my head.

     She says yes. I was scared there for a moment, but now I'm okay. better than okay. I can hardly believe the one-eighty she just did. I guess she always held back because she was afraid I'd never propose and so she wanted to protect herself from getting in too deep. It makes sense. I've never seen her this happy, and I'm happy that I'm the cause.

     Kaiti gets on the phone with one of her friends, and I slip out to the graveyard. People have been saying they've seen Greg's ghost. I really hope he shows himself tonight.
     Well, I guess if he's going to go roaming around, he wouldn't just hang out at the cemetery all night. That wouldn't be like him. He'd be off looking for a party somewhere.
      I sigh and a cold wind blows through the leaves in the tree next to Greg's grave.

      Well Greg, you'd have a blast teasing me about getting engaged to someone this much younger than me. I certainly would deserve it the way I teased you about getting engaged in the first place.
       You'd like Kaiti. She's wild, but she's ready to get married anyway. 
       I don't know what's going to happen from here, but I'm positive that I'm ready to get married.. maybe have a few kids.. the whole nine yards.
        I don't suppose there's any point in wishing you weren't dead. Still, I wish you could be my best man.

     I'd hoped to at least catch your ghost coming back to the graveyard. Maybe I will.
     I call Kaiti and tell her where I am and what I'm doing. She acts like she understands. I wait until almost sunrise, but Greg never shows up.