114: What to Expect

very mild adult situation

This afternoon, I had a talk with Marie. She actually asked me for advice on what she should do about Armand and Dawson, plus Andy. She told me how terrible she felt about telling Armand about her decision to date Dawson exclusively. Then she asked me what I would've done in her place. I was amazed she asked, so I answered her truthfully. I said I'd probably string them along and not make a decision but let fate decide. I got the feeling she asked me the question so that she would know what not to do.

She asked me if I could help her with figuring out if she picked the right guy. I sounded a lot like Hugh as I answered her saying that only she could answer that question.

I'm worried about her.

I stand in my bedroom looking out at the river when John walks up behind me.

"Hey, Baby." he says and puts his arms around me while kissing the back of my neck.

I take a deep breath and respond, "Hey yourself." His breath on the back of my neck gives me goosebumps.

He widens his hands and lowers them to the hem of my dress as he says, "You're wearing this dress. You know what this dress does to me." He moves one of the straps off of my shoulder and starts planting kisses there.

"John, I'm not in the mood." I say, but it's a small lie. I can't help but get into the mood every time he starts doing this.

"What can I do to change that?" he asks as he moves my hair aside so he can continue to kiss the back of my neck.

Geez, I really love this man, I think as I'm taken back to the happiness of our first marriage. He would act like this all the time. That is, when his job would let him. I'm so glad he retired.

"I'm just worried about the kids. Did you talk to Ben?" I ask and turn slightly to see his expression.

"I did. And speaking of kids..."

He doesn't finish his sentence, but he turns me the rest of the way around. I exhale in annoyance, but then he pounces and presses me back against the wall. My dress strap slides back up into place as my arms move up to around his neck, but I'm just not as into it as he is. He groans with aggravation and reaches his his hand up under my dress before sliding down to grasp the back of my thigh as he pulls my leg up.

I now have to hold on to him tighter to keep my balance. I debate whether or not I should try to wiggle out of this, but then his hips press harder into mine to further pin me to the wall. The large bulge in his pants tells me how serious he is about wanting me. He positions himself just right and as he moves against me I start whimpering and pulling at his hair. I guess I'm not hurting him because he's not complaining.

Still, even though my body is screaming for it, I'm just feeling too melancholy for this.

"John." I say in a tone that says I'm just trying to get his attention as he starts down my neck.

"Mm? Please don't tell me you're still not in the mood, because that would by lying." he warns.

"But I'm just ... sad.. and worried about the kids, and worried about being a bad mother, and worried how I'd screw up another one if we have another one."

"Sounds like too many worries." he says lamely. Then he sighs and looks me in the eye as he says, "Elena, the fact that you're worrying shows that you're a good mother. Cut yourself some slack! A bad mother wouldn't care." He kisses me once again before he says, "And I want to make that baby right now."

Oh, I give up, I think as he works on removing our clothing. I see his green eyes watching me, wondering if I'm going to say I'm not in the mood again.

I run my hands through his hair and say, "I miss the brown."

He mumbles, "Mm? Oh. Then I'll dye it back." He pauses for a moment to pick me up and put me gently on the bed. "Later though."

 "Elena..." he starts to say yet still continuing to kiss me, "I meant it. ... Let's start trying and just see what happens. ... The baby I mean."

"You mean leave it to fate." I state as a sort of question.

"Yes." he says, and it sounds both like an answer to my question and a slight rejoicing because it sounds like I'm warming to the idea.

"And what if fate says no?" I ask, somewhat bemused.

He lifts his head up now to look down at me as he says, "Then I will be very sad." I can't tell if he's serious or just messing around.

"Well, we can just give fate a good swift kick in the ass to get it moving." I say and actually giggle.

Then he gets this look in his eyes that I know all too well.

We don't speak much after that.

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Six weeks go by, and we all settle into a routine. The bar finally sells, and I no longer have that worry. My hallucinations seem to have stopped.

Marie continues to date Dawson, though at times I think I catch her looking sad, and I don't know exactly why. She knows she can talk to me if she needs to. It doesn't help things that Andy has called the house a few times, thinking Marie's cell phone must be broken.

Ben visits with Jonah frequently, and the two appear to bond. Many nights he rides home at just before bedtime. I don't begrudge Jonah the time.

Speaking of Jonah, he and John slowly begin speaking to one another. In fact, Jonah invited John over to watch the game with him and Ben this Friday. Also, Kaiti moved in with him a couple of weeks ago. She's escaping over here on Friday to avoid all the testosterone that will be flying around.

As for Xavier, he and Lee (Tiger Lily, hehe) still spend most of their time together. I've noticed she's finally learning to fix her hair. Xavier is starting to feel more confident with his painting, or at least that's what Lee tells me. She knows my son better than I do right now. I guess that's okay.

John and I... well, yeah. We've been trying. I can't help but start to think it isn't meant to be for me to have another child. Still, our marriage has been fantastic lately. 

I feel like I have the old John back... the one I first fell in love with. He even almost looks the same now that he's dyed his hair brown again and the gray hasn't grown back in.

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I'm either coming down with a stomach bug or.... 

 .... I don't remember eating that. Oh well.

No way. I couldn't be pregnant! Am I?

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I am so terribly sorry this is so short. I had point A... then I knew where point C would be. Point B has been driving me nuts! So, this chapter suffered because of it. If this is the first thing you have read of mine, please don't judge me on it. I'm disappointed in myself, but I had to get through this section of time.

The good news is that this story is up and running again! More probably next week!