I woke up this morning hoping today would be better than yesterday. Surely it couldn't be worse. First of all, the girl I really like pretty much blew me off. Yeah, I know. I'm rushing things by asking her to move in with me so soon, but when you know you know. I thought I knew. I just don't want to make the same mistake I did with Eva and act like I'm not ready to share my life with someone.
It's so hard to find the middle ground.
The day goes by pretty ordinarily, and evening comes on fast.
As is my new habit when I feel a little down, I go to the cemetery to visit Greg's grave.
I get a small surprise to see my nephew, Ben! Well, he's not technically my nephew since he's not my brother's son. At any rate, even if John and Elena hadn't remarried, I'd still consider this kid my nephew since Greg and I were closer than I ever was with my brothers. I'm so happy to see him.
"Hey, little man!" I say and wave as he turns to look at me. I walk over and give him one of my bear hugs. Every time I see this kid he looks more and more like Greg.
We stand here and talk about his father. I guess I never mentioned to him that his dad was my best friend. Huh. Not smart, Jonah.
"He was a wild one, your father. We had loads of fun." I say to him and watch as he smiles up at me.
He catches me a little off guard when he asks, "What kind of stuff did you do?"
It's the logical follow-up question that I should've expected. I stop suddenly and wonder what I've gotten myself into. I don't know if I can tell this youngster what kinds of "stuff" his father and I would get into. His ears are too young. I rattle around in my brain trying to come up with some suitable answer.
C'mon, Jonah! Surely there's something you can tell him about! Surely there's some less-wild instance.
I'm coming up empty. I clear my throat and watch as that impish grin comes across Ben's face that Greg had that was always letting him get away with anything.
Oh boy, they're going to have trouble with this one. I laugh mentally to myself. Maybe I can help. If he's anything like his dad, maybe he'd like to learn a few things.
However, I'm not really prepared to have this conversation with an eight-year-old. I stutter around like an imbecile and probably confuse the little guy even more, especially when I try and explain to him what 'pick up chicks' means. How can he not know what that means?!
"So what did you do with them once you picked them up?" he asks me and I want to both laugh my ass off and groan in frustration at the same time. He grins that impish grin up at me again.
Just like your father. It'd be an insult to his memory if I didn't someday try and teach you all his old tricks.
I make a pathetic attempt at that before I let him know he can visit me anytime he wants. The kid seems down, and I wonder if he's getting the attention he needs at home.
He rode on his bike over here, and it's getting late. I put his bike in the back of my truck and drive him home before I head home myself.
The next morning, I wake up late. It's my day off.
(these pics were taken ages ago on a lower graphics setting)
A little bored, I grab an old book off the shelf and decide to read it in the park until On The Rocks opens. It's "The Last of the Mohicans". I haven't read it since I was in school, but I kept a copy of the book because I knew someday I might want to read it again. Okay, well, it's been a little over twenty years, but I'm getting around to reading it now.
I settle myself down onto one of the benches and get sucked into the story before I know it.
"Whatcha readin'?" I suddenly hear Kaiti's voice and smell her perfume. She's leaned down and the top of her head is blocking a bit of the book's page. I glance up and can see right down her shirt.
I don't really understand why, but I'm a little angry right now. All I can think of is how she told me no. I understand why she said no, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
I tell her what I'm reading and put it away, realizing there's no hope for me in keeping my attention on the book now that she's here.
"What do you want, Kaiti?" I ask, my bad mood still on the surface. She stands up and looks down at me while I look up at her.
She immediately looks uncomfortable, and I feel like an ass.
"Um," she says, "I was just heading across the square from the bookstore when I saw you sitting here reading of all things."
Like you think I can't read?
I run through several things in my head to say to her, but wisely keep my mouth shut. What the hell has come over me?! I mean, there she is, right in front of me, looking deliciously hot but she keeps pushing me away when it comes to anything more than just sex.
What's the big deal? I used to not need more than that.
"Okay, sorry, Jonah. I didn't realize I was bugging you. See you later, I guess." she says quietly before turning to walk off.
"Kaiti, hang on a sec. I'm the one who's sorry. C'mere and sit down next to me."
"I can just go and let you get back to your book. It's no big deal." she says but then comes and sits down next to me anyway.
"It's just a book. Besides, I probably won't finish it anyway."
"You were so into it that you didn't see me approach. That or you were ignoring me."
"Kaiti, I'm a bonehead for not paying enough attention. I could never ignore you." I grin suddenly, my mood rising just a hair. "Like I could ever ignore anyone as beautiful as you."
She smiles a little and looks at the ground. Okay, so I have no real right to be mad at her. It's just... I wonder if there's another reason she said no. Am I wasting my time? If I were the old me, I'd love the fact that she's such a free spirit. All those women that wanted to get serious so fast and I didn't want to. Then.
So is this my punishment? To be falling for someone to do the same thing to me that I did to so many?
She curls up a little as she turns to talk to me. "What's wrong, Jonah?"
I really shouldn't be thinking this stuff right in front of her like this.
"Just thinking a little about all the times in the past I've been an absolute turd. Those memories have started creeping up on me lately." I explain.
"Well, give me an example if it'll help." she says and scoots closer to me.
I lean back against the back of the bench and say, "Oh, most of them have a similar theme. The girl I was dating would want things to get serious much, much sooner than I wanted." I glance over at her. "Aaanndd, that's when I'd usually end things."
"So then it's good I don't want things to be so serious right now." she says with a slight bounce and small smile.
I decide to just go ahead and be upfront with her. "I think karma is giving me a good swift kick in the shins. This time, with you, it's not such a good thing."
"Oh, Jonah! Don't do this to me!" she says as she throws her head back against my shoulder.
The low cut of her shirt gives me a nice view. My hand automatically glides across her lower back to her far hip before I pull her right up next to me. My other hand moves up to tilt her chin up, and I kiss her real slow, letting my tongue glide into her mouth as she parts it for me.
Yes, I speak this language too.
I suppose I'll just have to wait for her to come around.
"Sorry." I mumble to her while kissing her along her jaw. "I guess it's just the old man in me that's making me say those things." I stop her quiet laughter by making sure her mouth is otherwise occupied once more.
"Crazy youngsters making out in public places!" we suddenly hear before we break apart and see an older lady walking up to us with a cane.
Holy crap she really looks like she's about to beam us over the head with that thing! I think as Kaiti hops up, pulls me up with her, and we run into the just-now-opened bar, laughing.
"Alright." I say after we order some food and sit down at her favorite table. "I realize it is too early for you to move in with me, or even me with you if that what you'd want. But all the same, I want you to know you're welcome at my place anytime." So there's no fear of finding me there with someone else and you show up unexpectedly. "I'm not dating anyone else and I don't want to date anyone else."
She pushes her food to the side and looks like she's really thinking about something. I feel moderately anxious that I've pushed too hard again, but I also want to put all my cards on the table. If this is going to end because she never wants to get serious, then it's better I find out now.
"Jonah... is this your way of asking me to go steady?" she asks quietly.
"Um..." I drum my fingers on the table then shrug. "I guess, yeah. But notice how I said it. I can guess how you feel about this, so I'm not pushing you."
"Oh, you can guess? And what is it that you've guessed?" she asks me.
I shrug again, acting like it really doesn't matter but watching her every move at the same time to try and figure out what she's thinking. "You don't want anything serious, do you?"
"It's not that, Jonah. It's just that you're wanting to take things at light speed."
"Can you blame me for being eager when I've found what I want?" I say and hold her eyes with mine. She looks like she's stopped breathing.
Her voice is a little breathless when she says, "How can you know that already?"
"Because, to be honest, I've only ever felt this way about one other woman, and I lost her by not being willing to settle down. Now, I'm actually glad she's gone because that means I can be with you. If you'd just let me." I reach my arm across the table to her. She puts her head in her hands. "I'm crazy about you, Kaiti."
"Jonah..."
"Yeah?"
"Your elbow is in your hot wings."
I look down and see that she's right. I look back up at her and say, "I don't care." I don't move my arm. The sleeve is dirty now anyway, and I'm just not bothered by it.
"I meant what I said." I say after a slight pause.
"What happened with this other woman? What was she like?" she asks.
Ah, I get it. You're wondering if that's my motivation for wanting to move fast. Well, you're probably right if that's what you're thinking. I wish she'd put her hands down. She's going for an avoidance tactic and I'm not about to let her.
So, I turn the conversation back around to her, "She wanted to get married. We were engaged. I probably only asked her to try and make her happy. Thing is, I didn't want to get married. But like I said, I'm glad I didn't. What I feel for you ... I want to see just how deep these feelings go. But if you don't think you could ever, and it doesn't have to be soon, want that then I need to know now."
"How can I possibly know that, Jonah?" she asks and sounds like I'm backing her into a corner.
"It's easy." I say soothingly. "Just think about how you feel about me right now." She stares at me with a blank expression. "I mean right now." I say again. She sighs exasperatedly and I can't help but smile.
"Okay. Now what?" she asks.
"Is it going anywhere or is it just physical?" I ask point blank.
"I don't know!" she says defensively.
She pulls back and stares out the window. Dammit, I'm losing her. I wish I was better at this.
"It's okay, Kaiti." I say reassuringly.
"No it's not." she argues. "I've not bothered to feel too deeply for anyone for ages. Not after that jerk in high school. I just don't want to be hurt again. I know that's not what you want to do and that's what's about to come out of your mouth." she says, and I close my mouth as she looks at me. I smile sheepishly before she continues, "But at the same time I don't want to lose what we might have here. But now you're sitting there asking me to go steady in so many words, and I want to but I'm nervous."
I lean forward in my chair.
"You do?" I ask quickly. In the back of my mind, I wonder if the hot wing sauce is getting on my jeans as we speak.
"But I'm nervous." she reiterates.
"You think I'm not?"
"No, I think you're eager, and it's adorable, but it scares me too."
Adorable, huh?
"Look. Don't worry about me. I can reign it in. Lord knows I've had enough practice at that." I say and watch her face turn into a scowl.
"So now you're going back on what you said? Jonah! Make up your mind!" she says as she stands up like she's about to leave.
I stand up and grab her to stop her.
"I never said anything like that. I mean, do you want to? I just wanted you to know that you don't have to." I say and then tilt her chin up to try and get her to look at me.
"Okay." she says, and I have no idea for sure what she's saying okay to.
"Okay what?" I ask.
Her eyes finally meet mine as she says with a small smile, "Let's date exclusively."
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Next update will have much better graphics for the pics! My latest Jazz Singer update is an example.
Hope you enjoyed more crazy stuff from Jonah! Let me know what you thought!
She smiles a little and looks at the ground. Okay, so I have no real right to be mad at her. It's just... I wonder if there's another reason she said no. Am I wasting my time? If I were the old me, I'd love the fact that she's such a free spirit. All those women that wanted to get serious so fast and I didn't want to. Then.
She curls up a little as she turns to talk to me. "What's wrong, Jonah?"
I really shouldn't be thinking this stuff right in front of her like this.
"Just thinking a little about all the times in the past I've been an absolute turd. Those memories have started creeping up on me lately." I explain.
"Well, give me an example if it'll help." she says and scoots closer to me.
I lean back against the back of the bench and say, "Oh, most of them have a similar theme. The girl I was dating would want things to get serious much, much sooner than I wanted." I glance over at her. "Aaanndd, that's when I'd usually end things."
"So then it's good I don't want things to be so serious right now." she says with a slight bounce and small smile.
I decide to just go ahead and be upfront with her. "I think karma is giving me a good swift kick in the shins. This time, with you, it's not such a good thing."
The low cut of her shirt gives me a nice view. My hand automatically glides across her lower back to her far hip before I pull her right up next to me. My other hand moves up to tilt her chin up, and I kiss her real slow, letting my tongue glide into her mouth as she parts it for me.
Yes, I speak this language too.
I suppose I'll just have to wait for her to come around.
"Sorry." I mumble to her while kissing her along her jaw. "I guess it's just the old man in me that's making me say those things." I stop her quiet laughter by making sure her mouth is otherwise occupied once more.
"Crazy youngsters making out in public places!" we suddenly hear before we break apart and see an older lady walking up to us with a cane.
Holy crap she really looks like she's about to beam us over the head with that thing! I think as Kaiti hops up, pulls me up with her, and we run into the just-now-opened bar, laughing.
She pushes her food to the side and looks like she's really thinking about something. I feel moderately anxious that I've pushed too hard again, but I also want to put all my cards on the table. If this is going to end because she never wants to get serious, then it's better I find out now.
"Jonah... is this your way of asking me to go steady?" she asks quietly.
"Um..." I drum my fingers on the table then shrug. "I guess, yeah. But notice how I said it. I can guess how you feel about this, so I'm not pushing you."
"Oh, you can guess? And what is it that you've guessed?" she asks me.
I shrug again, acting like it really doesn't matter but watching her every move at the same time to try and figure out what she's thinking. "You don't want anything serious, do you?"
"It's not that, Jonah. It's just that you're wanting to take things at light speed."
"Can you blame me for being eager when I've found what I want?" I say and hold her eyes with mine. She looks like she's stopped breathing.
Her voice is a little breathless when she says, "How can you know that already?"
"Jonah..."
"Yeah?"
"Your elbow is in your hot wings."
"I meant what I said." I say after a slight pause.
"What happened with this other woman? What was she like?" she asks.
Ah, I get it. You're wondering if that's my motivation for wanting to move fast. Well, you're probably right if that's what you're thinking. I wish she'd put her hands down. She's going for an avoidance tactic and I'm not about to let her.
So, I turn the conversation back around to her, "She wanted to get married. We were engaged. I probably only asked her to try and make her happy. Thing is, I didn't want to get married. But like I said, I'm glad I didn't. What I feel for you ... I want to see just how deep these feelings go. But if you don't think you could ever, and it doesn't have to be soon, want that then I need to know now."
"How can I possibly know that, Jonah?" she asks and sounds like I'm backing her into a corner.
"It's easy." I say soothingly. "Just think about how you feel about me right now." She stares at me with a blank expression. "I mean right now." I say again. She sighs exasperatedly and I can't help but smile.
"Okay. Now what?" she asks.
"Is it going anywhere or is it just physical?" I ask point blank.
"I don't know!" she says defensively.
"It's okay, Kaiti." I say reassuringly.
"No it's not." she argues. "I've not bothered to feel too deeply for anyone for ages. Not after that jerk in high school. I just don't want to be hurt again. I know that's not what you want to do and that's what's about to come out of your mouth." she says, and I close my mouth as she looks at me. I smile sheepishly before she continues, "But at the same time I don't want to lose what we might have here. But now you're sitting there asking me to go steady in so many words, and I want to but I'm nervous."
I lean forward in my chair.
"But I'm nervous." she reiterates.
"You think I'm not?"
"No, I think you're eager, and it's adorable, but it scares me too."
Adorable, huh?
"Look. Don't worry about me. I can reign it in. Lord knows I've had enough practice at that." I say and watch her face turn into a scowl.
"So now you're going back on what you said? Jonah! Make up your mind!" she says as she stands up like she's about to leave.
I stand up and grab her to stop her.
"Okay." she says, and I have no idea for sure what she's saying okay to.
"Okay what?" I ask.
Her eyes finally meet mine as she says with a small smile, "Let's date exclusively."
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Next update will have much better graphics for the pics! My latest Jazz Singer update is an example.
Hope you enjoyed more crazy stuff from Jonah! Let me know what you thought!
