88: It's All Greek To Me

(originally posted 03/28/2012)

Elena


I go back home and wonder where John is. I can kind of hear his voice down the hall in Xavier's old room.

When I go in there I see him sitting and reading X-man a story. Sometimes Xavier still sleeps in this room, especially if he's feeling unsafe for some reason. John has been great helping him as he helps me.

He is SUCH a GOOD dad.


Why is he reading a mixology book to him?

John: And this is the fine art of shaken, not stirred. See the diagram?
Xavier: Cool.

John turns to me and smiles before turning back to Xavier. My heart melts.


John: And don't forget, the straw or stir is VERY IMPORTANT. A straw or stir can make or break a drink. You wouldn't put a heart shaped stir in a sorrow annihilator now would you?
Xavier: Nope. That would be so wrong.
John: Exactly.
Xavier: So where are the measuring cups so you can make sure you get the exact amount of each nectar for each drink?
John: You don't have to measure, sometimes you just wing it.

I doubt Xavier will ever be the type to 'wing it'.


They talk more about exact measurements vs. random mixtures before Xavier starts yawning real big. Finally, he slumps down and falls asleep. John kisses him goodnight.

Okay... so why does he look so hot doing that? I guess because of the contradiction. John exudes this strong "tough cop" persona, yet to his kids, he's just Daddy. I love that man.


He walks over to dislodge Ben's toy's hand from out of his mouth. I hadn't even noticed.

Then he walks over to me with a content look on his face.

Me: How do you do that?
John looks confused: Do what?
Me: That. Just automatically know what to do with them.


John quietly chuckles: You do it too, Elena.
I shake my head: Not lately. And I was never like that. Like you are.
John just smiles: I really have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Well, like I never even noticed Ben was sucking on his doll's hand.
John: He would've been fine if I hadn't have gone and taken it out. It's not like his nose is stuffed up.
Me: But still, I never noticed.


John: Elena, you've got to give yourself some credit here. You're a good mom. You can't help it that things have been crazy lately.
Me: Hah. Things always seem to be crazy for me. It's just the recent past has been even more crazy than normal.


John: Things should calm down now. That will be nice.
Me: Until the bottom drops out again.
John: Don't let it.
Me: I didn't LET it earlier.


We're quiet now. John just stands there and stares at me. I can't meet his eyes for very long, so I look away. I can still feel him staring at me.

What is he thinking about? Yeah, I remember, I probably don't want to know. Well, what if I DO want to know? Why does he have to stare at me that hard?


I start studying the pattern the grains in the wood make while John stares. I wonder if he's just wondering what to say. Does he expect me to say something? Okay, the quiet is getting on my nerves now.

John: Let's get out of the house a minute.
I nod.


So, we walk outside to the front of the house.... and John sits down on the sidewalk. He pats the ground next to him.

Me: I thought when you said 'Get out of the house' you meant a little more out than this.
John: No, this is good. Come here I want to show you something.
I sigh and sit down next to him.
John: See the moon?
I look up: Yes, of course I do.


John: See the bright stars next to the moon?
Me: Yeah. They're not usually there are they? Not like that anyway. Okay I don't really know actually.
I can almost hear John smile: They're not actually stars. That's Jupiter, and that's Venus.
Me: Oh.
John: And, as I'm sure you know, Venus is also Aphrodite, and Jupiter is..
Me: Zeus.


Me: Are you going to make more Zeus references?
John chuckles: Yes, actually.
Me: What, have you changed your mind and decided you actually ARE him?
John: No. But I'm pretty sure you're Aphrodite.
There's a trace of sarcasm in my voice: Mhm.


John: Well? Okay, so maybe she's your mom.
Definitely sarcasm now: Right.
John acts undaunted by my sarcasm: Ever hear about Zeus and Aphrodite getting it on romantically?

I can't help but laugh when he says "getting it on".

John smiles: Well have you?
Me: I don't know.
John: I haven't. I think I know why. I think he knew better than to mess with her.
Me: They ARE just stories, John.
John shrugs: All the same it means you're safe from him.
I sigh exasperatedly and roll my eyes: Is this why we're sitting here on the sidewalk in the middle of the night?

I turn and look at him with a slightly-smiling glare.


He answers my glare in a very unexpected way.

Okay, so call me Aphrodite? That's really nice of him. Well, if I'm Aphrodite then he's Aries. Makes sense.

Me: John. This isn't comfortable.
John smiles: No, it isn't is it?

He stands then pulls me up to him.


I get a slight head rush from standing up so fast. John is already holding me anyhow, so he keeps me from falling over.

Me: So where were you going with the whole Aphrodite thing anyway?
John shrugs: We needed to get out of the boys' room. And then I thought about you being Aphrodite and all, and then I remembered that Venus and Jupiter look really cool lately. So that made me want to look at the stars.
Me: On the sidewalk?
John: Yeah. But inside I was thinking something...
Me: What?


John: Stop the whole "I'm a bad mom" thoughts right now okay?
Me: But I am.
John: No, I know bad mom. You're not it.
Me: Oh? How am I not like her? Because I certainly have jumped from man to man like her.
John: No, just two. That's nothing compared to her.
Me: Huh.


John smiles: So stay with this one.
I smile back: I intend to.


I hope you honestly don't think that I'd leave you again.


John: You never really had a relationship with your mom, did you?
Me: Nope. Neither of them. I don't think she wanted me.
John: Of course not, she was busy up on Mt. Olympus.
Me: Oh brother.
He laughs.
Me: You're in a strange mood tonight.
He grins now: Let's get married... tomorrow.

Do what?!

John smiles at the look of shock on my face.
Me: Um...
John: You got the dress, so we'll have a small thing with just the kids and us. Maybe my brothers.
I continue to stare at him in mute shock.
John: What.. you've decided you don't want to?
Me: I didn't say that. I'm just trying to keep up.
John: Okay, so ... tomorrow?
I laugh because his face reminds me of a toddler asking for a cookie: Why the hell not?

87: Bloodletting

(originally posted 03/27/2012)

(This café is a fine example of why I stink at decorating. Ugh. Too much red lol.)


Elena

(I originally wanted this to be a lunch scene, but my game is driving me UP THE WALL with the error code 12 thing.(and the best save I have starts at 4:15pm-so it's a dinner or after dinner scene now) I just NEED to get to a certain point... update after this one... or the one after that, and then I can just wipe everything after putting what I want in my simbin. Hopefully I can get rid of the dern thing once and for all then if I start fresh. /sigh.)


I've decided to ask Brook to meet me at the café. This is where it moved when the owner could no longer afford the high rent of the place I own now.

Can I do this? What if I can't do this? How am I going to do this? I need to do this.


In walks Brook in this not-so-happening café. She looks a little confused as to why I asked her here.

I guess the place being deserted is actually a good thing. Still, I wonder where the girl went that runs the cash register?


Brook: Hey, Elena! I'm so glad you're okay! What's up?
Me: I need to talk to you about something.


Brook: Well, obviously. Otherwise why not just invite me to your house? Is this something you don't want John to hear?
I gulp: Not exactly.
Her eyebrows raise.
Me: I just don't want to involve him in this.
Brook: Okay, now you have me curious.


I put on a fake smile: Heh. Yeah. Well. I don't know how to get started.
Brook: How 'bout just telling me the general subject?

She puts her elbow on the table and her cheek in her hand, waiting for me to say something. I freeze.

I can't do it!

Brook looks at me like she figures out that I'm freezing up and not just being quiet on purpose: Just the general topic.
I take a deep breath: Tate.


Brook sighs and sits back in her chair: So you're finally ready to talk about it and you choose ME?
Me: I thought you could be the one that would most understand.
Brook lets out a short laugh: True. What a pig he was.

I can't do this!


I sit there mute again.

Brook's jaw clenches and her eyes narrow like she's trying to figure me out: Is this about that night?
I nod.
Brook: He r*ped you.

I feel like the earth just opened up and I'm falling down a deep, dark hole. I nod. Brook has always been very blunt. I guess that's what makes us good friends. I can always trust her to tell me exactly what she's thinking. As long as we're one-on-one.

Brook: You guys were both at that party while I was working...
Me: Yes. He talked about you.
Brook: Hah. He did, did he?
Me: Yeah. That you were never at home at night.


Brook: You can't blame me. He was starting to disgust me, and I didn't want to be there when he got home. My job made it VERY convenient since most of my cases I need to be there at night.

(reminder: She's in the ghost hunter profession.)

I'm quiet again.
Brook prods me some more: So, he mentioned that he said that I was never home at night.
Me: Yes. He said he hated having an empty bed.

I liked that new bed at first. I feel the blood drain from my face.

Brook leans forward: Elena, you don't have to tell me all this if you don't want to.
Me: But I need to tell SOMEONE!
Brook: What about John?
I shake my head: No. I want to talk about it with you because you're someone who understands fully just how much an as*hole he was.
Brook can't help but smile.
I sigh: So then I mention something about how I didn't plan on having an empty bed for long. I was talking about John, of course, but he took it differently I think.
Brook looks down and nods a little.


Me: So he offers me a ride home, and I take it. Stupid me.
Brook sighs exasperatedly: You're not stupid.
I wave my hand through the air in front of me in some subconscious way of expressing I want this 'stupid' comment to fly away: Okay.
Brook: So then what? Obviously he didn't go back home.
Me: No, he was outside... playing with my sprinkler of all things.
Brook rolls her eyes.
Me: I know, right? So, out of politeness I invite him in.
Her expression is grim now: What did he do?
Me: This is where it starts to get a little fuzzy.


Brook: Just tell me what you DO remember.
I scowl and try to bring up things I have had buried for years: Um, I remember talking about my bed. He had this strange look on his face that I kept trying to ignore. (A nauseated feeling hits me.) He called me 'my sweet'.
Brook: Hm.
I look up, grateful for the distraction: What? What are you thinking?
Brook: Don't worry about it. Keep going.
I bite my lip for a few seconds before I start again: Then ... I don't even know how it happened, but I started feeling dizzy and sick.

I lean on the table and place my hands over my face. I then relate as many details as I can to Brook. She sits and listens. I don't know what her facial expressions are because I don't look up. Remembering frightens me, but I keep going anyway. The more I try to remember, the more I actually remember. It's like... remembering remembering. The words flow out of me. I'm reminded of when people used to think that a sick person needed to be bled to get the "bad blood" out. That's what I am doing, letting the bad blood out. I am extremely glad that we are the only ones here.

When I sit up again I get out the tissue I knew I would need and wipe my face. I was right in thinking that I would need the waterproof mascara today.

Me: And then I woke up with a splitting headache and he was still there.
Brook nods.
Me: Then it was scary trying to avoid him all the time. Before I started making myself forget what really happened.


Brook: I can understand why you wanted to just forget.
Me: Also I kept wondering if I had done anything to encourage him... ever... I didn't. Honest, Brook.
Brook: I know that.
Me: And I hate that John went after him like he did. He ruined your life. I'm sorry.
Brook: I'm not! He did us both a favor! He did the whole TOWN a favor!
Me: But Janie...
Brook: Is better off without him. I used to live in fear that when I was at work he'd...
Me: Oh no! Would he? That's terrible!!!


Brook smiles a scary smile: If he ever did, I'd be in jail for murder.
I shudder at the thoughts in my head now.
Brook: Elena...
Me: Yeah?
Brook: You did nothing wrong.
Me: I know.
Brook: Do you?

I'm quiet for a minute. I feel so spent from telling Brook everything that happened.

Brook: You know, maybe you should talk with a professional about this. I'm hardly the right person to...
Me: You're the perfect person, I told you that.
Brook looks down and gets quiet for a moment or two before she speaks: My life was hell when I was married to him.
My eyes get wide: You didn't act it when we first became friends.
She runs her fingers through her hair: I know. I was just as good at ignoring the truth when it's right in front of my face as you are. My home life was so dark and depressing that when we became friends it was like a ray of hope, like a breath of fresh air. Then he had to go and ruin that too. (She pauses.) I can't believe what his apparent step-brother did to you.
Me: Thank goodness for John, right?
She grins: Yes. You hang on to him this time around, k?
I grin back: I plan on it. And you hang on to that Stephen, even though as the owner of Leo's he's my biggest competition.
Brook laughs: Nah, your pub is like a hybrid bar and dance club. We're a bar that people sometimes dance in. The dance club is a place where people dance and sometimes order a drink.
I pause now: Thank you, Brook.
Her eyebrows raise: I don't know what I did.
Me: You listened.
She chuckles a little: Anytime then.

She tells me that she needs to get to work, so we stand up and hug. This is the first time in a long, long time that she really feels like my best friend again. We have a common bond now, it's just awful that our bond is something terrible.

Out of bad comes good. Good wins. I smile at this thought.

86: Suspicious Behavior

(originally posted 03/26/2012)

John


We're just laying there staring at each other without saying a word when the phone on the nightstand rings.

(I had forgotten it was an ACTUAL phone. )

I sigh and get up to answer it. Elena goes to the restroom.


Me: Hello?
Hugh: It's hit the fan.
Me: What has?
Hugh: The agency heard about you being majorly involved in the Trent White case.
I say as curse: Bell.

Monique (my contact agent in Bridgeport) ran her mouth off to our superiors.

Hugh: You guessed it.
I grit my teeth: She is MY FIANCÉE! I was not about to stand by and take the risk of letting someone else do it.
Hugh: Hey, I understand. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I also knew I'd want the same if I were in your shoes.

Yes, I know. I could've lost my head and put us in further danger. I know I know. Still.


My cell phone rings now.

Me: Thanks for the warning. They're calling my cell now.
Hugh: No prob. Good luck.

Elena looks concerned: Everything okay?
Me: Doubt it.

I hang up the house phone and answer my cell.

My boss: Parren! What were you thinking?! I'd never expected anything like this from YOU?!
Me: I'm sorry sir, but you should also have expected that I'd never let anyone take my place in THAT mission.
My boss: I ought to fire your as*!
I'm quiet in a mute dare for him to do it.
He laughs: We need a face-to-face discussion.

I'm not leaving Elena alone. Please come here.

I hear the sound of him stretching: Eh, I've been wanting to come check out your little station.
Need to repaint the door.
He continues: I'll be there Thursday. I wish I could be there sooner, but I just can't swing it.
Me: Certainly, sir. Do you need accommodations?
My boss: We'll see. I'll let you know. Until then don't do anything unless you hear it from me directly, got it?
Me: Yes, sir.
My boss: See you Thursday, Parren.
Me: Thursday.

I turn to Elena: I need to go to the station for a few hours.
Elena almost mumbles: Of course you do.
Me: What?
Elena: Nothing.
I heard you.


Me: Are you going to be okay while I'm gone?
Her expression says the opposite of what her mouth does: Yes. I'll be fine. I'll just sleep the time away.

I lean over and kiss her passionately before I get up to go.

Me: Get some sleep. I'll be home as soon as I can.
Elena: Mhm.


Something had occurred to me as I was talking to Hugh that I wanted to get more information on.


It was just strange the way Monique said her surprise that I'd figured out The Boss was Trent.

"You know Trent White is the Boss? How did you figure that one out?"

That sounds alot like she already knew.


Maybe I'm over-thinking it. Maybe it's nothing. Still. It almost sounded like, 'How did you know Trent White was The Boss?'


I call Hugh up and ask him what he thinks. He agrees that it sounds a little off. I ask him to keep me posted on what she's up to.

I finish up some chief stuff and head back home.


It's now about 6:30 in the morning. I'm exhausted.

I walk into the bedroom and see Elena sleeping peacefully. So nice to see that. No nightmares. I hope she slept well. Well, these past few hours anyway.


I lay down and she rolls over to me. She kisses me quickly, then turns around to get out of bed.

Me: Baby, come back to bed. You should sleep more.
Elena: I slept like a rock these past hours I guess. I'm just not tired. You sleep, though.

I decide not to argue with her. I sigh once and pass out.


Elena


Of course John just HAD to go into work again. That dam* job. Why does it always seem that when things are going really REALLY good that the phone rings?

Okay, maybe not EVERY time, but frequent enough to be annoying.

Ay! And if he DIDN'T have that job then I may not have gotten the rescue that I got. .... Oh I don't want to go there right now.

I look around for something to do. I don't want to wake the house up this early. I decide to go try to read that book again.


I'm finally at the part when she runs across that old flame of hers again. They found each other on the internet. Well, more like HE found HER. Surprise! Guess who?

Yes, this DOES remind me of Greg. During that time when I was still married to John. The emotions running through her mind are very familiar. The whole 'I can't believe he can still affect me this way' thing. Huh. There's even the mention of a 'moth to the flame' bit. All they're doing is chatting about their lives and how great they are now. She doesn't want to tell him how she really feels because she feels terrible about the mistake she made. She's still afraid to tell him for the same reasons she was afraid to admit she loved him in the past: he could hurt her.

Maybe I shouldn't be reading this. All it is doing is make me think about Greg. I said goodbye to him! There is literally nothing more I can do now! Greg is in the past. Still... I wonder what THIS woman is going to do?


John mumbles something in his sleep. Something to do with bells. I laugh inwardly at how silly he sounds before I go back to reading.

So, Mrs. Leading Lady, you're going to avoid telling him... AGAIN. Yeah, because it worked so good the first time. Been there, done that. Best out with it before something ELSE happens that might cause yet more regret.

85: John's Worries

(originally posted 03/25/2012)

(also, back when I wanted to keep this PG13... silly, silly me. )

John

I'd invited Hugh over earlier to see if maybe he could get Elena to talk. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try. She did get real quiet for a little while, and we wondered if she was remembering things finally. So, Hugh asked. It didn't work again.

But something must've worked, because when I came upstairs I found her curled up on the foot of the bed, staring off into space. I put myself in her line of vision, but still she didn't see me. I worried she was cracking up... she looked catatonic.

Finally, she responded to me, and the things she told me, although not too surprising, stuck into me like thorns. She'd wanted to kill herself. That scared me the most because that's when she was the closest to giving up.


I'd let her tell me what she needed to tell me, and I tried to keep what was going on in my head to myself. I desperately wanted to hold her the whole time, but I knew if I so much as touched her she could freeze up again. It was best to keep her in whatever state of mind she was in that made her start talking. Then, when she finally broke down and cried, I knew that she was spent for the time being. I gladly pulled her into my arms.


She's fallen asleep.

I am SO GLAD she finally opened up enough to talk about what happened.

I adjust my back's position. This headboard is uncomfortable.

I love her.
She once told me, 'I'm stronger than I look.', and I had chuckled to myself inwardly. Well, she just proved it to me. Through that whole experience she kept her head on her shoulders, whereas some might've collapsed emotionally. I'd hate to think what he would've done if she'd broken down and given up.

I squeeze her to me for a few minutes.


I must've fallen asleep because I when I wake up my I notice my head is bobbing up and down. I scoot us down a little, trying to find a more comfortable position without moving her too much. She needs to sleep.


The next time I wake up it's to pain in my arm. It's fallen asleep. I inhale sharply as the highly annoying tingling starts up and pull my arm back behind her. She mumbles a little noise as I try to make the pins and needles sensation stop by flexing and un-flexing my fist. Oh this is driving me crazy!


I sit up a little more because the edge of the headboard is cutting into my back. Elena makes a little high-pitched "hm" sound when I move.

As uncomfortable as I am, I wouldn't trade this moment for anything. So many years I had to watch her with HIM. Then there were those torturous weeks where she dated the both of us.

And then, she chose me! Just when I thought I might lose her. Greg was always a little too good at making up. I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't have been there that night when I saw him on the other side of the gate in the back. Elena never knew he was back there, and I'm going to keep it that way.


A sudden realization hits me. Has it really been that long? I guess after all that's happened. One thing right after another.

I run my hand up and down her arm as I can't help but enjoy the view I have.

Okay now THIS is torture. She needs to sleep! Just stop looking.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I'm invaded by the smell of her perfume and shampoo. I turn my head to bury my face in her hair. As I breathe in once more I feel my insides coil like a spring.

Well, closing my eyes didn't help, I think as I open them again. Her being pulled up against me does. not. help. .... She needs to sleep! I wish I could sleep. She needs to sleep. I've created my own hell.

I start to wonder if I could possibly make us lay down now... without waking her up. When I try, her eyes open.

Elena: John?
I clear my throat: Yeah?
Elena sits up a little: What time is it?
I twist around to look at the clock: 2 AM.

When I twist myself back around, I find myself face-to-face with Elena.


Me: You need to sleep.
Elena: I'm not tired anymore.

Her arm wraps around me and she caresses my cheek with her palm. She kisses me so suddenly and demandingly that I'm in shock for a moment. She needs to sleep. Her lips feel wonderful on mine, but I lean back to try and stop this before it starts. She follows me.


She stops for a minute and looks down at me.

My voice has alot less conviction in it than it did before: You need to sleep.
Her eyes have a no nonsense attitude: Not tired.


I prop myself up on my hands. My throat feels suddenly dry, so I have to swallow. She runs her fingers through my hair and then down the sides of my head.

Her nails rake down my chest: You left the light on.
My arms start to shake a little: Yeah.

Her eyes raise back up to mine before she leans down to kiss me again. I close my eyes, wrap my arms around her, and turn us over. Not tired, her voice echoes in my head.


Her hand moves to the back of my neck to hold me to her. Or her to me. Frankly, I don't care either way. Just as long as I can keep kissing her.

Yes, it has been WAY too long. But... even still... is she still traumatized? Is this going to do more harm than good?


I lift myself up for a minute: Elena, are you okay? I mean...
She interrupts: John! Stop worrying!

Her nails roving over me make me think of her as a lioness again. I still need to find out if lionesses purr. Probably not.


I sit us both up a little.

Her eyes look like liquid pools of amethyst: John, you worry too much. I'm fine. Or, I'm fine enough.
Me: What if it's more harm than good?
Elena: Or what about more good than harm?


She doesn't give me the opportunity to disagree with her.

More good than harm.... more good. But .... Oh hell, forget it.


Me: Elena...
Elena: I'm starting to think you don't want to.
Me: I didn't say that.
Elena: Good.


I forgot whatever else it was I was going to say.

Haha. I bet she thinks she's seducing me. I guess I'll let her think that. If she only knew where my mind was before she woke up...

My arms tighten around her as I hold her to me. She tries to pull up for a second, but I won't let her. I'm enjoying this way too much to stop now. Definitely been too long. She relaxes and stops trying to lift herself back up for a while. I start exploring her neck.

Elena: John... you'd better not be teasing me.
My voice is slightly muffled: Never.

She acts like she wants to kiss me again, but I'm not done with her neck, and now I guess her shoulders too. She gasps as I trace a line with the tip of my tongue to her earlobe. Fun, I think as her whole body jerks when I capture the lovely lobe in my mouth.


I decide to let her come up for air, and she lifts herself up a little and looks down at me.

Her face looks so cute when she's mildly irritated.

Elena: No fair. I'm supposed to be the one seducing YOU. Not the other way around.
I chuckle: I guess you could think of it as successful.
Elena: Something tells me I didn't have to try as hard as I thought I did.
I just chuckle again at her look of consternation.


She sits up off of me then lightly and playfully glares at me: Bad John, making me think that.
My eyebrows raise: Bad?
Elena grins slightly: Yes.
Me: You have no idea.

She squeals as I suddenly sit up and pounce on her.


(/sigh. So hard to keep it PG13 or whatever you call it now.)