119: Unexpected

Xavier

        It's Saturday. You think I'd be able to sleep in today. I wanted to, trust me, but I just couldn't. So, I finally decide to just get up at around 6am anyway, my usual time to get up. Crazy internal clock!

        Once I get out of the shower and get dressed, I decide to pick up my mandolin and play around on it. It's actually starting to sound something similar to music when I play it. When Mom got it for me, I wasn't too thrilled, but she insisted I give it a shot. It just bothers me when I don't get it perfect, but as I'm alone right now, I don't give it much thought.

        Marie has been gone for a few days. She's lucky it's summer where she is. No fair. We're freezing here. At any rate, Christmas will be here soon. I wonder what I should get Lee for Christmas.

        I close my eyes and grin as I stand here thinking about her. My fingers fly over the strings of their own accord, and I actually sound better when I think about her. 

          I really love her. I can picture the two of us getting married one day because I certainly can't imagine life without her. She's just so ... Well, soft is the only word that I can think of right now. Still, it's a good word.

         She's supposed to be by soon, and I can't wait even though I saw her just last night. I don't know why we don't just give her a bedroom in this house. She practically lives here anyway. Even better, she and I should just take over the room Marie left empty. It has a double bed. I miss a few strings as I think about the possibilities that would open up. No more couch. We should just sneak down there anyway, but then Mom would wonder why the sheets would keep getting messed up.

         I feel my grin slip from my face as I think about how Lee acted last night. Something was up, and she wouldn't tell me. I hate it when she gets like that. She'll bottle it up and bottle it up until she explodes into a nagging fit. If she'd just get it out when whatever it is starts bothering her, we'd both be much happier. Plus, I worry when she doesn't open up. I'm determined to get it out of her today.

          She walks in without knocking. She doesn't have to.

       Still in that mood, I see. Maybe she'll get it out today. She has that 'look' like she's ready to explode with whatever it is.

       I flip my hair out of my face, quickly put down the instrument on its stand, and bound over to her.

        "Hey, Lily." I say quietly just before I kiss her to let her know how much I missed her even though it's only been since last night. For a little while at least, she lets whatever it is that's bugging her go and kisses me back.

          "Hey." she says back, a little breathless now. Then that same 'look' comes across her face again.

           I can't stand it anymore. "Are you going to finally tell me what's bothering you?"

         "Bothering me? What makes you say that?" she asks, trying and failing to act like nothing is wrong.

          I let out a huff and say, "If you don't tell me now what's bothering you, then I'm going to start getting paranoid and think the worst. I'm hoping it's a small thing and you can just get it out of your system. Did I do something wrong?"

         "Why do you always think it's because you did something wrong? Did you do something wrong that I don't know about?" she asks defensively.

        "I never know!" I say, getting defensive as well. "Especially if you won't tell me. What's wrong?" I ask yet again. "How can I help you with whatever is bothering you if you don't tell me what it is? I couldn't sleep this morning for worrying since you never told me last night, and that was after pretending, like you are now, that nothing's wrong. Come off it, Lee. I know you better than that to not know when something's bothering you."

          Uh oh. Whoops, I think as she suddenly starts crying. I'm not so good with tears. I lamely reach out for the elbow that holds her face.
         "You're right." she sniffs. "There's something wrong. Really bad wrong, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell you."
         Cold fear and dread fill my stomach as I wonder what it could be. Please don't break up with me. She cries some more and crashes her head into my shoulder just before I gratefully wrap my arms around her. At least she's not trying to hide that something's wrong anymore.
          "Lily, you can tell me anything." I say before she sobs and cries still more.
         "I don't know how to tell you this. You're going to freak out. I know you. You'll freak out."
         "Please tell me because now I'm going to freak out with worry for what it could possibly be."
         "I'm pregnant." she says, and I get quiet as time stands still.
         I get hold of her shoulders to pull her back and look at her as I ask, "Are you sure?"

           She wipes her face as she looks at me in disbelief and says, "What kind of a question is that? Like I would go through this, telling you this, if I wasn't?"
           The walls start closing around me. This can't be happening. "But, Lee, every time ..."
          "But the first time." she interrupts.
          "... we've used a condom." I finish belatedly. "But that would mean ..."
          "That I'm already two months along. Yes." she finishes for me.
          I stand here and try not to freak out. It's not working. She was right. I'm freaking out!

        I take deep breaths, trying to keep the panic attack at bay.
        She starts talking again, and it sounds like it's coming from down a tunnel, "The first time I was late, I thought it was a fluke. Just a fluke, you know? It happens. I thought it couldn't possibly be that. So, I relaxed. Well, then I missed again, so just to make myself feel better, I went to the store and bought a test." Her voice breaks now as she says, "And then it was positive!" This isn't happening. This is a bad dream, and I'm going to wake up any minute now. ... why am I not waking up. I miss some of what she said, but I do hear, "... clinic confirmed it." There's a pause from her that makes me hyper-aware of the whooshing, buzzing sound coming from my ears. "Xavier?"
       Without saying a word, I turn around and fumble my way over to the sofa so can I plop down upon it.

       She's almost as far along as my mother. Oh holy shit, my mother! She's going to be furious that I'm making her a grandmother. My dad will want to kill me. When Marie hears about it she'll probably hop on the next plane from Sunlit Tides just to come back and kick my ass.
        I got Lee pregnant. Lee is pregnant. Oh God, no. Why?
        "Xavier?" I hear coming from down the tunnel again. She sounds like she's crying, but I can't really tell. I can't look up at those eyes right now, not with this horrible guilt I have.
        It's all my fault. It's all my fault. She didn't really want to anyway, and I convinced her, pressured her into it even. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. My fault. Mine. It's mine. I'm the father. I'm the father. I'm going to be a father. I expel a huge amount of air as my lungs empty with that thought. I'm sixteen and going to be a father because I got Lee pregnant.
        "Xavier, talk to me please." she begs from somewhere in front of me.
        "I can't right now okay?!!!!!" I yell as I drop my hands down between my knees and look meanly up at her. I immediately feel stricken by my tone. She's covering her mouth with her hand in shock, and she looks like she wants to start crying again. Just like Dad, I think as I stand up and immediately hold her in my arms.
          She does really start crying as I pet the back of her head and croon to her, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't need to yell like that." Shit, what am I going to do? She's shaking. I really scared her. "Lily, sit down, please. C'mon." I gently walk us both back over to the couch.

      "I'm fine, Xavier. I've had a lot more time to wrap my head around this than you have." she says calmly.
        My panic attack starts to threaten again. "You're right. I can't handle this. My parents are going to kill me."
        "Yours? What about my mom? All my life she's preached to me no sex before marriage since she got pregnant with the two of us when she was real young too."
          "I can't tell my mom. I just can't." I get up and start pacing.

      I start rambling now as she sits on the couch, quietly watching me, "My freaking out is nothing compared to what that woman can do! She's going to go on this 'I feel old' kick and blame me for it because I'm making her a grandmother. I don't even want to think about how my dad will react to the news." I stop for a second to ask, "How long can we keep this from them?"
        "What's the point of doing that?" she asks in place of an answer.
        "To buy me time to figure out how to tell them!"

      Her quiet voice works it way through the humming somehow as I hear her say, "I suppose we can wait a few months."
      Yeah. Right now it's so tiny that you can't tell from looking at her. But Lee is so tiny. And the baby is going to get bigger.

      This vision of Lee really really pregnant comes into my mind's eye, and I'm unable to hold off the panic anymore. I collapse on my knees with my head in my hands and start sobbing. Every muscle in my body is taunt, and I start sweating like mad. I can feel my vocal chords making some kind of noise, but I'm not sure exactly what it could be. The only thing I can hear is my own ragged breathing, sounding very loud in my ears. I start shaking, and I numbly worry about chipping a tooth from the way my teeth are clamped shut.

      After a while, I have no idea how much time, I find that my hands and forehead are resting on her knees, and she's rubbing my back as she tries to comfort me.
       "Hey." she says very quietly. "Are you back?"
       I'm still shaking, but now I'm shaking from exhaustion. Her rubbing my back feels really nice until she stops, and I'm sad that she does. Then I see her fingers lightly stroking the top of my thigh. My breathing slowly returns to normal. It's not a dream. It's real, and I'm being a selfish prick freaking out the way I am. She had to do all this all by herself. She starts running her fingers through my hair, and the tiger in me starts purring. What kind of man am I to make her feel like she couldn't come to me immediately. ... The kind that freaks out and has panic attacks.
       "I'm sorry, Lily."
       "For what?"
       "Everything. The way I reacted. For this fit I just had. For you not feeling like you could come to me immediately about all of this." I let out a huge sigh as I finally look up at her, realizing I probably look like I've been through hell and back. She looks at me lovingly and wipes my cheeks with her fingers. I close my eyes and revel in the feel of her hands on my face. She'll make a really good mother, and I've got to get a grip and man up.

       I sit up a little and she sits all the way down instead of just on her ankles.
       "Are you okay?" she asks somewhat timidly. I must've scared her. I hate that I did.
       "Pretty much, yes." I answer. Then I ask, "Why didn't you come to me sooner? Yes, you're right, I still would've freaked out, but why keep something this important from me like that?"
        She looks really sad and tears slowly roll down her face as she responds, "I kept hoping I was wrong, and I didn't want to worry you, like I said... I think." I wipe the tears off of her face like she had done to me a few moments ago. She continues, "And ... I worried you'd be furious and break up with me. ... Like my dad did my mom."

       I startle her when I suddenly grab her and kiss her. "I'm not your father." I growl. Or mine either, for that matter. She thought I'd break up with her over this?! I kiss her again, almost angrily. I'm suddenly furious. I'm angry that she's pregnant. I'm furious that it's all my fault. I'm pissed that this is going to alter our lives for probably the worse. Lastly, and most importantly, I'm enraged that she'd think I'd break up with her over this. I love her! Next to my art, she's my whole life! How could she think that? I pull back a moment to say as she tries to catch her breath, "Never think that I'd break up with you." Then I get back to branding her with my kiss. She's having my baby. This changes nothing even if it changes everything.
       Relief starts coming off of her in waves, and I feel her shake as she cries in my arms.

     I sit back and take her with me as I do. I gently stroke the back of her head while she cries like she's been holding it in for ages and only now finally letting it all out. When she's finally calmed down enough to hear me, I say, "Oh my beautiful Lily, don't cry anymore. We're in this together, and we'll figure something out -- together. Alright?"
      She nods against my shoulder, and we sit here on the floor in each other's arms for a long time, each trying their hardest to comfort the other one.

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'Next post' should work properly since the blog has caught up with old and new.

101 A: Date With Armand

(originally posted 04/26/2012)

Marie


Saturday arrives, and Armand and I are spending the day together. I head over to see his new house. It's huge for a first house!

He meets me outside.


I start to feel a little self-conscious under his stare.

"Nice house, Armand!" I say brightly.

He smiles his roguish grin and pushes himself off the wall to walk towards me.


He startles me a little when he pulls me into a sudden bear hug.

"I've missed you these past few days." I feel his fingers press into the outer edges of my waist as he hugs me. "I've just been so busy moving." He sighs, still hugging me. "But now I have all of today for only you."

I run my fingers through his hair on the nape of his neck. This is what I like about Armand. When he's being the 'good Armand' he's absolutely wonderful. He makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world.

"Well, do I get to see the inside of the house or what?" I ask when we pull apart.

He laughs, "Yeah, but later." I raise my eyebrows in question. "I'd like to just go hang out at the museum for a little bit. That okay?" I nod. We pile into his truck.


I love how comfortable I feel around him. He's no fun when he's mad, but I can tolerate that. We'd been a couple for years. Our breakup was pretty nasty. He really tore into me about my friendship with Dawson. He couldn't stand it. He saw what I didn't - that Dawson was trying to steal me from him. I told him I wasn't going to stop being Dawson's friend just because he told me to. Well, then he said some awful things that I don't like to think about.

Maybe now we can get past it. He hasn't apologized yet, though.

And now Dawson is more in the picture - just like Armand was afraid he'd be. Well, I'm not going to worry about him today.


The atmosphere in the truck is quietly tense, and just as I start to ask him what's wrong, he speaks up.

"Okay, let's start off with an apology from me." he says suddenly.

"Armand, it's okay."

"No, it's not! I turned into a jealous prick after graduation! When Cristina moved away I panicked."


I remember that Dawson started hanging out at my house all the time then. At the time I'd thought it was just because he had more time for our friendship with Cristina gone. I never understood why Armand would get this look in his eyes when Dawson came around. Now I do.

"And then," Armand continues, "I do the one thing Dawson wanted. Stupid me."

"Armand..."

He continues like I didn't just try to interrupt him, "I pushed you right into his arms."

"Armand..."


"Hang on a sec, Marie." he asks, finally acknowledging my interruption. I sigh heavily with aggravation. He continues, "Well, like I told you the other night, I'm going to just have to pull you right back out of them." He pauses.

I take the opportunity, "But Armand, you had every right to be angry. You were right."

"Of course I'm right." he says.

That's one thing I don't like about Armand. He's usually right. The worst is that he knows it. His genius gets on my last nerve sometimes.

He smiles belatedly at me like that's going to make it look like he doesn't think too much of himself.


"Well," I say, "let's not talk about that today. I accept your apology. You were angry. People say stupid stuff when they're angry."

"Right." he agrees. "When we get out of this car, we have a clean slate."

"Agreed."


"Pan." I comment on the obvious.

"The guy who always chased nymphs." he says and we stare at the painting some more.

"Wasn't it like, if he played his pipes you'd go insane or something?" I ask.

"Depends on the source I guess. I'd also heard he could cause PANic by yelling."

"Hm." This is boring.


"She looks like Bella Goth." I say. Armand walks up and holds my hand.

"Bella Goth is an urban legend. She doesn't really exist." he says.

I turn to him and shake my head no. "I thought she did!"

"I don't believe it."


I walk a little down a hallway next to the bathrooms and take an interest in a huge urn thing. Armand walks up and grabs my butt.

"Hey!" I say and elbow him in the ribs.

"Ow!" he says as he clutches his side like I've bruised him.


"Well, what do you expect me to do when you do that?" I ask while I turn and glare at him.

He stares at the urn. "Didn't bother thinking of that. Didn't bother thinking at all actually. My hand just seems to be magnetically drawn there." He grabs my butt again. "Look! See! There it goes again!"

I roughly shove him off of me while he laughs real loud at the irritated expression on my face.

"Shh!"

"There's nobody here, Marie. Don't worry about it."


His voice gets softer suddenly. "This place is deserted. We could do anything and nobody would know." He's no longer playing around.

I am not about to have my first woohoo in a corner of the museum!

I can't think of what to say, so I just back off while shooting him a warning look. I know him, and when he gets like this he can quickly get out of control. I head off to the previous room and sit on a couch.


I hear him go to the restroom so I wait quietly. I sit there mindlessly staring at the various items in the room, trying not to think about where Armand's mind was a moment ago.


I hear some strange bird chirping outside the window and I look over to see if I can find it.

I jump as I feel Armand suddenly standing next to me and he gets hold of my chin to turn it towards him.


"Surprise." he says huskily and captures my lips with his. The way he kisses me causes me to picture him as a cheetah. One that has successfully pounced and gotten it's prey. He DOES seem to be intent upon devouring me.


He makes a strange noise in the back of his throat when I try to sit back on the couch, and he pulls me up to him.

Alright, the next place we go does NOT need to be his house. I'm just not ready for this.

I pull back suddenly and the words fly out of my mouth, "Let's go to Leo's."

He massages my shoulder and says, "I thought I could give you a tour of my house now."

Yeah, right. I look up at him. He looks absolutely serious. Doesn't he know me? Doesn't he know that I'm not ready for this?

"It can wait. I want some nachos." I say.

"We can make nachos at my place."

"But Leo's ones are better than the kind you make in the microwave." I say lamely. He takes the hint, and drops his hands.


The lunch crowd hasn't really arrived yet when we get to Leo's. In fact, the bartender hasn't arrived yet. So, Armand pulls me out onto the dance floor to kill some time. We dance around like a couple of fools, laughing and acting silly.


Suddenly, he grabs me around the waist and starts spinning me around the room. He laughs at my surprised expression.


I squeal a little when he dips me, afraid that he's about to drop me. Panting, I look up at him in shock. His eyes smile down at me. It's almost like he's saying, 'Yeah, you thought I'd drop you didn't you? But I didn't, silly.'


He makes a big show of pulling me up slowly like he wants to prove how light I am to him. My heart starts fluttering from the intense look in his eyes. I take in a shaky breath. A slow song starts playing.


"You didn't honestly think I'd drop you, did you?" he finally says.

I grin at him sheepishly. "I didn't expect that if you were going to dip me that it would be that low."

"I'd never drop you." he says simply with a smile on his face.

"I know."

"Obviously not, because you thought I was going to."


"Only for a second!" I say as he presses me against him. Somebody really needs a cold shower. I feel like I can't catch my breath, and as I look at the floor I feel myself blush.

Thank heavens, the bartender arrives. I escape to order some food.


Demarco's mom walks in and sits at the bar. She asks Armand if he'd like to dance. Talk about cougar! He explains that he's here with someone. Yes. That someone that everyone seems to want to stare at while she eats.


Apparently the drink I order later needs a blowtorch. Crazy.


When we finish our food and drinks, Armand pulls me back out onto the dance floor again. We're fine as long as the song is fast.


When another slow one starts up, Armand looks at me and says, "I don't think I can take another slow song, Marie. It would be a better idea to head back to my place. It's a great house! You're going to love it."


"A-Alright." I say because I can't think of any excuse to give him.

(I needed to break this up into sections, the next update is the second half of this one.) 

(current edit: Yay! Now all the posts are on the blog!) 

Warning!!!! Clicking 'Newer Post' will take you to update 119! To get to 101A click here.

100: Hot Water

(originally posted 04/23/2012)

John


Now that I've finished changing my appearance, it's time to get to work. I need to find a connection between Monique Bell and the Trent White Corporation. That is, other than her helping me break it apart.


A security measure keeps me from being able to log into the SIA system thanks to my suspension. HOWEVER, I bent the rules earlier and copied the entire file onto a flash drive. I knew I was going to get in trouble with my involvement and that it might come to this.

I feel a slight twinge of conscience as I pull up the illegal copy of the file onto a computer I brought with me. I would never have done this if it hadn't have involved Elena.


Apparently, the Bridgeport agents had been tracking this guy and his cronies for years, but were unable to pin anything directly on him. He was much too good at cleaning up after himself. He was a suspect for a large number of cases, but no proof was ever successfully linked to him.

That is, until I caught him with my fiancée.

Other than that night when I killed him, I can find no evidence that Bell was anything but following the rules to the letter. I'm not surprised. Why should I find anything here in the file? Still, it was a good place to start.

I sit back in the chair and recall everything about that night. Everything I saw. I'm still amazed I actually took the elevator to the top without interruption. I wonder how I got so lucky.

Then I remember what I found when I got to the top. There was a redhead crying over the dead body of her friend. At least, I assume it was a friend. No one had been up there but the party guests and me by that time. None of the other officers or agents had made it to that level. Who shot the blonde girl? What happened to the redhead? I never saw her again after that.


I continue to wonder about the redhead and why it never occurred to me until now to wonder what happened with her. I guess I've had other problems. I wish I could call and ask Hugh his opinion on this matter, but I don't want to involve him. He'd just tell me to cool it and I could be getting in hotter water than I am even now. Of course, he should know better than to think I'm going to listen to that.

I decide to head down to a bar I saw mentioned a couple of times in the file, planning on just keeping my eyes and ears open.


Imagine my surprise when a familiar redhead walks in and sits a little ways down the bar from me. I watch her out of the corner of my eye for a few minutes before making a quick visit to the restroom.


Upon my return, I casually take the stool next to hers and feel her gaze sizing me up immediately.


"You look familiar." I say to her, hating the line. "I just can't figure out from where."

The corners of her mouth twitch up for a second. "I could say the same thing about you." she says as her eyes scan me from head to toe. Then she turns her head and orders herself some coffee. The bartender lets her know she'll need to wait for the pot to brew. She doesn't appear to mind. I order a beer.


"So, next you're going to ask me if I come here often?" she says with one eyebrow cocked.

I can't help but lean back as I laugh. I'm suddenly glad I no longer have to go through the dating scene anymore. She smiles back at my laugh as the lady sitting next to her jumps in surprise.

"No, seriously. I think it was at some party." I say with a smile.


"Hmmm. I go to alot of parties. Could be." Now her eyes really consider me and I see a flash of real curiosity.

"As do I." I rejoin just as cryptically as her statement.

"Then why haven't we met before now?" she asks.

I shrug, "It's a big city."

"Mmm." she says non-noncommittally.


Our drinks get set before us, and I let out a sad sigh as I say, "Of course, it couldn't have been real recently. I just got back from a friend's funeral."

"It's terrible when a friend dies. Sorry for your loss." she says with sadness in her voice.

"You say that like you know first hand." I say.


"I do." she says as I watch her face for signs of remorse. There are none.

"What happened?" I ask.

She sighs sadly. "She was shot."


"Small world. So was my friend. Wrong place at the wrong time kind of thing." I say sadly.

"Sad how that happens alot." she says and I nod.

"Indeed." I say. "Saddest part is he was shot by someone I thought was a friend. Then the guy just up and disappeared. They can't find him. I wish I could. I'd wring his neck."


I sigh sadly like the whole situation is hopeless.

"Hm. It's sometimes TOO easy to disappear." she says and I'm instantly on alert. She turns her head towards me and speaks quietly, "Perhaps I could help."

"Hah." I say in mock disbelief. "What could a cute little thing like you do to help?" I glance over at her to see the corners of her mouth raise in a devious smirk.

"It's all in who you know." she says cryptically. "What's your name, stranger?"

"Link Miller." I say and hold out my hand for a handshake.

"Link?" she asks as she shakes my hand.

"Yes. I don't know what my mother was thinking." I grin.

She laughs merrily. I ask her what her name is and she answers, "Dianna Goodwin."

She used her real name. I've seen it before.


I turn back to my drink and sigh wistfully. "I don't know what you or the people you know could do that the cops can't."

"Maybe they just don't know the right people. You sure you know who killed him?" she says and asks.

"Considering he skipped town just after, yeah." I say and she nods like she understands. I turn to her, "So. You can really help me?"


She tries to stifle a laugh at my goofy expression. I act like I still don't believe her.

"Perhaps we can talk about this at a later date, and not here." she says quietly.

"Ah, I gotcha." I say and make a show of moving my eyes side-to-side like a rookie. She smiles condescendingly.

"Finish your beer and let's dance." she commands.

"Yes ma'am!" I say and mock salute her.


She's not a bad dancer. Bit like Elena without the clumsiness. I miss the clumsiness. Focus, John.

I feel her continually size me up, and I wonder what she's thinking.


"So," I say quietly, "how would I repay you for your help, should I ask for it?"

She's quiet for a few more minutes.


She leans in and quietly speaks back to me, "Repay a favor with a favor. I too know who killed my friend."