Xavier
Lee rode the bus home with me today. As she's off using the restroom, I start working on my doodle I was working on earlier yesterday.
I had a hard time relaxing on the bus ride home today. She sat next to me. There's nothing new about her sitting next to me on the bus, but today... I don't know... was different somehow.
She walks into my room and I'm instantly aware of everything she does.
"I think," she says with a slight pause, "I'm going to finish my sculpture."
"Good." I reply.
She walks over to me before going to the sculpting station. I'm assailed by the smell of her flowery shampoo. It's distracting!
I glance her way as she asks, "You gonna finish your doodle?"
"Yeah. It's starting to become a little more than a doodle."
"It looks like a house." she says plainly.
"Mhm. That's because that's what it is." I respond just as plainly.
I hate the awkward pause that ensues. I thought you were going to work on your sculpture!
She takes my wordless hint and continues on her way to the sculpting station. Why do I have to be such a jerk sometimes? It's not like she was doing anything out of the ordinary! She was just standing there. Albeit annoyingly watching me which she knows I can't stand, but still just standing there.
The almost-therapeutic sound of her chisel hitting the clay fills the room. I relax a little. Things aren't so... weird right at this moment at least. I hate that all of a sudden things are weird. I sure hope it doesn't last too long. Maybe she's just got something on her mind and it'll come out eventually. Girls. I wish she'd just get it out of her system and then we could get back to our friendship.
Or... what if the problem lies with me? Did I do or say something wrong? Does this have to do with her bad mood yesterday? Thrill.
No, she left in a much better mood yesterday. That can't be it. IS there anything bugging her? I turn around and look at her for a minute. I then hear that she's humming a little tune to go with her tap tap tap of the hammer and chisel.
I turn back to my drawing. Doesn't look like anything's bothering her. Why did I feel like something's bothering her?
Is something bothering me?
'Yes.'A little voice in my head responds to my internal question.
What then? I sigh exasperatedly.
"Something wrong?" Lee asks.
What do I say? "No. Not really." I answer with a slight lie.
"I'm done. And, yes. It's crap. Just like I thought it'd be." she says and walks away from the station.
I spin around in my chair. She's done something that would look at home next to China's terra-cotta army. "That's really cool, Lee!" I say.
She places one hand on her cocked hip with her eyebrow raised, clearly displaying her disbelief of what I just said.
"It's not what I envisioned. It never is." she says with annoyance laced in her voice.
"Better than what I could do." I say. I have absolutely no skill at sculpting. Uncle Jonah got me this thing for my birthday, and I just can't seem to acquire the skill.
"Maybe you just lack the confidence." she says, using what I said to her yesterday against me.
"Haha." I say sarcastically.
She spins around. "Have you talked to your mom about that artist yet?" she asks.
"No. I haven't gotten the chance."
"Xavier..."
"I know. I will." I say before she can lay into me.
"What's wrong with now?" she asks.
I look back up at her. "Well, you're here."
She throws her arms wide. "I'm always here!"
"I'll talk to her later."
She makes an exasperated noise and turns around.
"What is this?" she asks, pointing to a new picture on my desk.
"Oh yeah, that. I took it yesterday."
"I know that. But what is that thing in it?" she asks.
"I really have no idea how that got there. I printed it out and it magically appeared. Strange, huh?" She turns to look at me and I shrug before I continue. "So, I thought it would look good in the frame I found. Then I couldn't decide where to put it, so it ended up there."
"That's really neat. Where are the other pictures?" she asks.
"Eh, I really didn't like any of the others. I just remembered you saying that I had nothing to remind me of you when you're not here, so I printed that out." I say.
Did I just reveal something? I think to myself.
Yesterday, after I hung the painting, I felt compelled to print that picture out. She was right. I needed to keep the painting, but after a few minutes I decided that it wasn't enough, hence the picture printing.
She looks away like she's afraid to look me in the eyes. I can't fathom why.
She needs to cut her bangs. They hide her eyes. Or, at least fix them differently.
I watch as she clenches her jaw and fists and closes her eyes real tight. Something is obviously bothering her now.
"Lee?" I ask, concerned.
"Yeah?" she pops her head back in my direction quickly.
I feel my forehead wrinkle in concern. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah." she answers quickly, but she won't look me in the eye anymore.
"No it's not." I say and fold my arms across my chest sternly.
She exhales real fast and her eyes return to mine. "You don't think it's out of the ordinary for you to have a picture of me on your desk?" She points to the painting. "And a painting of me on your wall?"
I do a slightly nervous laugh, "You're my best friend. Why not?"
Her shoulders slump a little like she's disappointed with my answer.
"What am I going to do with you, Xavier?" she asks as she suddenly reaches up to run her fingers on my cheek. My face tingles where she touched it.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Is the only reason that I'm your best friend? Nothing else?" she asks.
"Um." Crap, what now?! What else could she be? ... oh. "Oh. Um, you mean like..." I can't finish the sentence.
She gives up on waiting for me to finish the sentence. "It's okay, Xavier. I was just wondering if... well maybe... you know. But it's okay."
My hands shake as I say, "I know what? What's okay?"
Please say it. Just say it. I'm scared I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not wrong. Maybe I'm right. Maybe this has been staring me in the face for a few years now and only just now realized it.
She turns away from my gaze and stares at the floor. She blushes. I grin and lean over a little in an effort to put myself in her line of vision again.
Out of nowhere, her lips are on mine. I'm only shocked for a millisecond, however, then it's like the finale of a fireworks show goes off in my head. But before I can even respond, she quickly pulls away.
I open my eyes to look into the emerald pools of hers. I see that they're wide with shock.
"Sorry." she says real fast and skirts off towards the door.
I force myself to quickly recover from what just happened. I just can't let her leave yet. Everything has changed now, and I don't want her thinking that I'm upset. Quite the opposite in fact.
"Lee, wait!" I say quickly. She slows down, but doesn't stop. "Just wait up a sec."
She stops and looks at the floor. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It just sort of... happened." I watch as she wipes her eyes before her hands return to fidgeting in front of her.
"Why are you crying?" I ask as I gently tug on her shoulder to turn her to face me.
"Crying? Who's crying?" she sniffs. "I'm not crying."
"Yes. You are."
She shakes her head 'no'.
"Lee, look at me." I request.
"No." she replies stubbornly. For a moment I consider taking her chin in my hand to make her look at me, but I know her. She'd just wind up closing her eyes anyway.
Alright. My turn to go out on a limb here.
"You're right." I say. "There is a special significance to me having your picture on my desk. It's just taken me a long time to realize it." Please don't ask what it is!
Her eyes dart up to mine for a split second before returning to anything in the room but me. "Realize what?" she asks and I want to scream with frustration.
More nervous energy fills me as I consider what to do next. Well, she's already kissed me so...
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