26: Holding Up and Holding Out

(originally posted on 10/11/2011)

My puter still isn't working. Of course...my husband hasn't had much of a chance to look at it since we've been camping all weekend, but last night, he did, and he thinks it's the power supply. Luckily, I uploaded a ton of pics before it went bad.

Okay, so back at the house...

Holding Up and Holding Out

Me: Greg...I think I'm losing Marie.

Greg: You're not losing Marie. She just wants to go visit John, that's all. You've got Xavier, and you know if you've got Xavier, you've got her.

Me: But... what John said last night at the club, I'm worried.
Greg: You don't have to worry.
Me: I do. I feel like I barely won that court case. I hate what they did to him. I tried talking to him about a better plan of shared custody...
Greg: I'm sick of sharing with him.
Me: They ARE his kids.
Greg: They should've been mine.
Me: Greg...

Greg: No, you listen. I've had it with him. We've always hated each other. Then, he stole my girl right out from under my nose. Yeah, I know where I screwed up, and I'm apparently going to still have to pay for it for some time now. I just wish YOU didn't have to pay for it.
Me: Greg...
Greg: I'm not done.
Me: How am I paying for it?
Greg sighs: You still have to deal with him because of the kids you have.
Me: Are you saying you wish we didn't have kids?
Greg: I'm saying.... yes, I wish you hadn't have had Xavier. Not that I don't really like the little guy, I just wish he was mine.

He looks so hurt and angry at the same time I don't know which emotion to deal with first. I'm kinda ticked off, and I can't quite figure out why. Wish I hadn't have had Xavier? What does he mean by that? Wishes Xavier was his... That's a good thing I guess.

Greg: For now, just forget about John. I finally have you, and still he's getting in the way of our happiness. He's not taking your kids from us.

Me: Greg...
Greg: Hush.
Me: No, listen! I love you. I'm sorry I'm dumping this all on you, but I don't know who else to turn to.
Greg: That's not what I mean! I don't mind you dumping it on me, I mind that you're upset in the first place. I'm upset that we even have to deal with this. I wish he'd just go away.
Me: Greg...
Greg: Shh

He shuts me up for a second. However, this doesn't mean the subject of him wishing I never had Xavier...That may not have been what he meant to say, but he said it..isn't over.

[]

Me: You wish I never had Xavier.
Greg: Elena...
Me: I know that's not what you say you meant, but you said it.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

Greg: I wish you hadn't had him with John. Why? Because now you have a constant connection with him. I blame myself. I should've acted sooner. I tried, yes, but not hard enough.


Me: You did everything you could. I wouldn't listen. It took me a long time to finally see the darker side of John's character. If it weren't for your persistance....
Greg: Yes, I'm very persistant...

So much for talking about it.

Also, there's been something that's been bugging me. I'd anticipated Greg jumping at the chance to propose. After all, he even asked me if I'd marry him while I was still married. Why hasn't he asked yet?

So tonight I'm wearing something I was saving for a special occasion. Just to show him I'm still the same woman I was even before children.

And by the time I came out of the bathroom he'd fallen asleep. I sigh and head back into the bathroom when he jumps up.


And he's still wearing his regular clothes. He laughs and grabs hold of me.


What was the point of looking like he was asleep?

Greg: Bad joke, I know, but I saw you take this out of the drawer and go into the bathroom. I was going to wait til you got in the bed and attack you, but you were going back to change and I can't have that happening...


I love him, but I'm really getting aggravated about the lack of a proposal. However, like I said, he's VERY good at distractions.


Monday


Today is the last day of the days off that Greg got for us when I was kicked out of the house by John. I wake up and head down the stairs listening to Greg belch as he eats nasty, rancid sushi. There are dirty dishes all over the kitchen that appparently nobody knows how to clean up but me.


I eat breakfast, clean the kitchen and get Xavier up. He's such a sweet boy. It's nice to see John's eyes smiling at me in some form.

I already have a babysitter hired to care for Xavier while I go back to work. I decide to give them a dry run and head out, but not too far. I go back to the regular bar.


Me: Brook! Hey! How are you holding up?
Brook: Not too bad. Thank you for not taking the stand against Tate, by the way. I should've believed you, but I didn't want to. I know he's a scumbag and probably should've been put away, but I once really loved him. It really sucks. You just can't turn off love with a switch ya know?
Me: I know. I really know.
She understands my meaning without me saying any more: How are you holding up?


Me: I'm ok. I've moved in with Greg. I just expected everything to fall into place like a fairytale. WRONG. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do next.
She nods: And right now that next is getting a drink?
Me: Hellz yeah.

We sit and talk for a while. She fills me in on all the crap that Ivana and Betty are trying to spread about me. Greg was right, not many people believe them, and the ones that do don't like me anyway. Then her beeper goes off and she has to go off on a job.

I go and stand at the bar when Raquel walks in.

Raquel: Elena! There you are! I'm on my lunch break. You wouldn't believe the stories that Ivana is spreading about you at work!
Me: I think I've heard about them.
Raquel: Please, tell me to my face they're not true! I mean, I assumed they're not true, but it would make me feel better to hear it from you.
Me: Well, I don't know the specifics on what they're saying.


Raquel looks away a second, then looks back at me: Ivana is saying that you slept with Greg even before he was divorced, that it's because of you that they even got divorced in the first place, and that when you were done with Greg you moved on to John and caused him to break up with Ivana when they were about to get engaged. Then, you seduced Tate because you knew you could blame him for taking you against your will because he's such a scumbag. Then, that you slept with who knows exactly how many men when you were married to John. More than likely Pascal. Pascal denies it of course. She also accused you of seducing Darrell, the guy that runs the consignment shop.
Me: Oh I don't believe this! You KNOW what happened with Tate...Pascal and I are JUST FRIENDS and all I ever did with Darrell was dance with him! And.... wait a minute... Greg wasn't divorced yet?
Raquel: That's what she says.

I scowl a little.

Raquel: I went to check in on John, see how he was doing and all. He's not doing so great. I tried to get him to just sit and talk about it, but he just sat on the couch and cried. (she pauses) I don't want to be one to judge, Elena, but I can't believe you did this to him.


I exploded.

Me: I...did this... TO HIM? Is that all you care about? What about telling him for me that stuff isn't true!
Raquel: I had to come check with you first.
Me: You mean you had to come dig up dirt on me. Yes, I slept with Greg and did some heavy flirting with him while he was still apparently married to Betty. I thought he was divorced already! John told me he and Ivana broke up! I think she was making up the part about them going to be engaged soon all in her head. If that were true, then he wouldn't have dumped her so fast, or she dump him or whatever.

I stand there hyperventilating.

Me: OH! and SURE you go over and TRY TO MAKE JOHN FEEL BETTER? Right. You just want him, you've always wanted him. Don't think I don't know that. Didn't know that.
Raquel: So WHAT IF I DO! He's available...and HURTING because of YOU. He's TOO GOOD FOR YOU. And why should you even care anymore? You're DIVORCED. (she pauses for a moment) Look, Elena. I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship, but yes, I really like John. I just can't help it. You notice I did nothing while the two of you were still married. If you're going to choose to hate me now then so be it.
Me: I don't hate you. Fine. You're right...I have no more claim to John. I'm being stupid. Just.... please, for me, tell him the truth. I didn't sleep with ANYONE but him while we were still married.
Raquel: That I can do. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll give you time to cool off.


Cool off. Cool off! She wants ME to cool off? I should've seen this coming. Of course she WOULD jump at the chance to chase after John. How can I be so stupid. I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on that 'friend' of mine. And.... why the heck do I even care if John starts dating again? This would be so much easier to take if Greg would just ASK ME ALREADY!


I stay at the bar until it gets dark, then I stay some more. The bartender wisely doesn't try to get me to speak unless I want to, which I don't.


I'm standing there minding my own business when this person comes up next to me and orders a drink. She starts mumbling something. Some kind of nonsense. Stuff like babies ride horses and anger conquers all.


What is she, some kind of looney? However, the more drinks I have the more she makes sense. I say to her something about babies are the best artists of all and her eyes open wide and she starts talking right to me. Oops. I encouraged the looney.

Looney: Marriage is not a piece of paper, you have to bless the four eyed theif to win at chess. Sometimes giving is taking and sharing is better.
Me: O...kay?
Looney: Exactly.

Well, alrighty then. That was weird.
Maybe I should at least TRY to call and talk to John. Last time he didn't even answer the phone, but maybe this time...

The phone rings twice and John picks up!

John: Elena, please don't call me. I don't want to talk to you.
Me: But, John...PleasedontbelieveIvana.

I'm glad I got that out real fast because he hung up on me. I give up... I'm going home.


I complain to Greg about all the stuff I heard about what Ivana is saying about me.

Greg: You see, this is why I didn't want to tell you. Come here you silly over-emotional girl.


I don't understand it, but how can a great kiss make everything seem all better? Well, it does. Maybe a combo of the drinks and a great kiss. He goes upstairs and asks me not to be up too long. Well, the kitchen is a mess again so I get to cleaning it.


Why am I always surprised when this happens?


I go upstairs and this time Greg really IS asleep.