63: The Afterparty

(originally posted 03/09/2012)

Now back to the party...


I try to make my voice not shake: Oh? What did you want to talk about?

I'm amazed he can still make me go weak in the knees with just a look.


John all of a sudden looks nervous, which surprises me. He looked so confident a moment ago.

John: A couple of things, actually, and since I saw Lawrence leave a little while ago I feel okay telling you this now. You need to be careful.
No kidding.
Me: How so?
John: I'm not able to give details, but just please promise me you'll be careful.
Me: Careful... how?
Does he know what happened the other night?
John's voice gets low and quiet: I wish I could tell you more. I shouldn't tell you anything, but I don't want you to get hurt. He's dangerous, Elena.
Fear starts to course through me: What?
John looks very frustrated: Just... promise me you won't be alone with him anymore.
This had better not be some jealous ploy. Ay! How can I even think that with the way John actually looks scared.


I'm quiet for a while. John is breaking the rules, and he knows it. So this means he's investigating Laurie for something.... and he thinks he's dangerous. A bad guy. My ... business partner... who says he's fallen in love with me... is a bad guy. Great. Oh just great. NOW WHAT?!

John interrupts my thoughts: I love you, Elena. It would KILL me if anything happened to you. That's why I have to tell you to be careful.
I take a few deep breaths: What is going on, John? Tell me.
John's eyes look at the ground: I can't.
Me: You can trust me.

His eyes cut back up to mine, and hold mine there. Suddenly I yearn to have his arms around me. Yes, please, John, hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Then, stick your tongue down my throat before riding off with me on your valiant steed into the sunset. I mentally sigh. My knight in shining armor... or a red shirt that I want to rip off of him.

John clears his throat: I do trust you.
I feel myself smile.
John continues: But too much knowledge can be a bad thing. Just please promise me you won't be alone with him.
Me: Alright. I'll be careful.

Blessedly, John pulls me into an embrace.

I sigh happily. My phone rings and I groan. John laughs slightly.

Greg again. Dammit, Greg. Leave me alone!


I decide to play stupid and act like I don't know who it is: Hello?
Greg: Hey, it's me, Elena darling.
Me: I told you, Greg, I'm not your darling.

Stop calling me that! Don't you know how much it hurts to hear it now?!

John chuckles at me and I smile to hide my pain.

Greg says a little quieter: But you are.

This could get out of control fast if I don't do something fast to stop it.

Me: What do you want?
Greg: Can I come over? I need to see you.
Bad idea.
Greg: Or, maybe you could come here. I'm at your bar.


I'm glad I didn't go in today. Greg is another person I should probably not be alone with. For slightly, just slightly, different reasons. I need to drill into this man's head that we're through.

Me: No, Greg. I don't want to see you.
Greg sounds desperate now: Now, hold up just one minute!


John shakes his head and smiles at my annoyed expression: Just hang up.
Me: Greg, I gotta go.

I hang up and put my phone away. Poor Greg. Even after all he's done to me, I still feel bad for hurting him.


I suddenly feel guilty about feeling bad for Greg with John standing right in front of me.

Me: Sorry about that. I thought I had my phone silenced.
John chuckles: It's no big; don't worry about it.


John smiles suddenly: It's actually a good segue to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.

I blink a few times and shake my head ever so slightly in surprise. Greg? A segue?

John's eyes quickly dart down and then back up: Are the two of you really through?
I sigh: Yes.
John: Sounds like he doesn't think so.
Me: He keeps trying.
John: Do you still love him?
Whoa. Very blunt, John.


I'm quiet for a moment or two before I decide to just answer truthfully: I suppose I always will to some extent, but I can never trust him again.

John's jaw clenches momentarily as he looks away. His face is in darkness, so I can't read his eyes at all. It's obvious he's working to control his temper.

I need to make him understand: John, that doesn't mean I don't love YOU. In fact...
John interrupts suddenly: I'M not going to stop trying either, you know that right?
Me: Yes, but...


John arms throw themselves around me: Good. Because you're the only woman I've ever loved. It makes me insane thinking about the two of you together. He's always been a womanizer, and I am not going to just stand by and watch him wheedle his way back into your good graces. Not this time.
Me: John...


Why isn't he giving me a chance to talk? He's acting like he has something to prove. He has nothing to prove to me! I KNOW he loves me. I KNOW he wants me back. Shoot, I even KNOW he wants us to get remarried. I can't help it that I still love Greg the tiniest bit. That won't go away. Ever. I tried once, and it didn't work. BUT I don't have to act on it, and I won't. John is so wonderful, not to mention incredibly hot. He's all I've ever needed, and I was too stupid to not see it before.

John acts like he doesn't plan on ending this kiss anytime soon, but I have things I need to say. I struggle against his superior strength until he finally pulls back to ask me what's wrong.


I fight to catch my breath. John looks at me like he wants to kiss me again.

Me: Will you just let me say something, please?
John chuckles: Sure, as long as you don't take too long.

The look in his eyes is NOT helping me catch my breath. I feel my knees start shaking. John raises his eyebrows, clearly indicating he thinks I'm taking too long trying to organize my thoughts. He starts to lean in towards me again, but I place my hand over his mouth. Chuckling, he starts kissing my palm.

Me: Will you just let me think a minute?
John's voice is a little muffled as he quickly answers: No.
I pant a little as he sucks a couple of my fingers into his mouth before I say: It's important.

John sighs as he reaches his hand up to obtain the hand his tongue was recently toying with. My heart sounds like a galloping horse in my ears.

Me: I want you to know I will never again act upon my feelings for him. I love YOU so much that I can't imagine the rest of my life without you in it. It kills me that I hurt you that time. Karma caught up with me, though, and I deserved every bit of it. But that's over with. I want us to get serious now.

John's eyes burn into mine as he kisses my fingers.

I giggle at the next words to come out of my mouth: John, will you go steady with me?


John's eyes flick up to look over my shoulder. I don't get the chance to wonder what he's looking at because he then kisses me with so much force it takes my breath away.


John chuckles again as he stops just as suddenly as he started: Why, Elena, I thought you'd never ask. You bet your *** I will.
My voice sounds breathless: You want to stay the night?

Of course he'll say no. He's said no almost every other time. There was that one time when Ben was sick that he did stay, however, but that was just to help out.

His mouth trails along my jawline as he says in that beautiful bass voice of his: I'm glad you asked so I didn't have to.

Okay, this time my knees actually give out. 

 
We go upstairs. John disappears for a moment with his pj pants he left over here last time in his hand. I nervously tidy up my bed for a while when I hear the bathroom door open and close.


I stand up and turn around to see John standing there staring at me. Holy crap! I wasn't ready for the sight of John without his shirt on. I quickly turn my head away.


My calm demeanor belies the thoughts going through my head as I lay there on the bed while John walks around to the other side.

A million times. I've done this a million times with this man. Why does this feel like the first time? Why am I so effing nervous?


The second John lays down on the bed he scoots towards me. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest.


John: Elena, are you sure about this? You're shaking like a frightened rabbit.
Butterflies continue to gnaw at my insides as I respond: Yes.

Yes, I'm sure. I just wasn't quite prepared for seeing him thus. The last time he slept here he wore a shirt.


John: Good.

His eyes meet mine before they dip lower and come back up.

John: Good because I've missed this more than you could possibly know.
A sudden, coy thought occurs to me: You mean you and Raquel didn't...

I leave the comment hanging.


John growls slightly as he pulls me closer: That's not what I meant. I mean THIS. You and me. Together.

I sigh happily and gaze at our intertwined fingers. It's been a long time since I've felt so safe. So comforted. I'm right where I belong. Why did I ever leave?

John's velvety voice asks: Tell me what you're thinking.


I take in a quick breath as I debate how to answer: Well, I was thinking how this is where I belong, and I'm wondering why I ever left.
John turns his head while inhaling, and then a rush of words leave his mouth as he exhales and speaks low into my ear: God, yes, Elena. This is where you belong. This is where I belong. (He takes in another breath.) And I never want to leave your side ever again.


I lean back against the bed and pull him down with me: Then... don't.
John gazes down at me: It's been an age since you've said anything like that to me. I had started to wonder if you were ever going to belong to me again.
Kiss me, dammit.


John: But I have to tell you, Elena. I'm greedy. I want all of you. I don't want to share.
Me: You don't have to anymore.
John: But I feel like this hold of you I have is only tenuous. I still have a nagging feeling that I could lose you.
I huff: Are you going to kiss me or not?
John: Elena...


Impatiently, I sit up a little and kiss him.

Silly, silly man. You're not going to lose me. Not this time. Not ever again.

I try to convey that message to him while I kiss him. He acts like he's enjoying it, but that he's not through saying what he wants to say. I know he's not going to really relax until he gets out what he needs to say, so I pull away from the kiss to see what it is.


John: Elena, will you marry me?

My eyes fly open in shock. I see John smiling at me. I start to hyperventilate.


My muscles no longer hold me up and I flop back down upon the mattress. I lay there staring up at him with the shock plain on my face.

Me: So soon?
John: Why should we wait?
Good point.
John looks like he's trying to hide how sad he is: It's alright. You don't have to answer right now.
Yes I do.
John: I just want you to know that's what I want.
Me: Yes.
It's John's turn to have surprise and shock flit across his face: What?
Me: I said yes. Let's get married.


I throw my arms back around him as he continues to look at me in happy surprise.

John sounds like a little kid: Really?
I laugh: Yes.
John: You're sure?
Me: Dammit, John!

I move to sit myself up again.


John doesn't let me for a while.


...


We didn't get into discussing the details. We were, ahem, busy. Then, exhausted, we fall asleep. John's beard feels scratchy against my shoulder as he holds me close all night.