I ate the fish after all, and the whole time I was worried I was a killer. After I put Ben to bed, I headed back to the living room where the guys were sitting on the couches.
Why do I get the feeling I'm walking into an ambush? And why did Hugh have to come visit in his uniform?
(Because I forgot to change him out of it.)
I didn't notice earlier, did he get a haircut? I can't tell. Hm.
John looks over at me: He was just telling me that he wants a few days off so he can go visit this girl he met.
I try not to smile at Hugh's expression because he looks like he wished that John hadn't have told me the bit about the girl.
Me: Oh?
Hugh scoots over to the middle of the couch, clearly wishing to avoid the topic.
John: Yeah. Some bartender he met.
Hugh's starts drumming his thumbs on his thighs and refuses to talk. John just grins.
I decide to play along: Is she cute?
Oh my god he blushed!
John laughs. Hugh clears his throat. I smile.
Hugh: I also have to go and work a little more on the Trent White case.
My smile drops off my face.
Duchess walks over and woofs a little woof to John, asking to sit up in his lap. John grins like a little kid and pats his lap.
I look at the two of them: She's such a sweetie.
Hugh: How are you, Elena?
Crap.
Me: I'm getting better.
But out.
He takes the hint and changes the subject. Our conversation stays on neutral territory which makes me alot more comfortable.
Then he and John talk about sports. I get bored. Bored is bad. My mind starts to wander.
Trent climbing on top of me telling me to kiss him.
Me considering jumping off the balcony to my death.
Trent trying to shoot John as he walked in the door.
At least I burned the dress the morning we left.
That cell. Not even seeing the sun for days.
That young officer getting shot twice trying to save my sorry butt.
Seeing John as the pizza boy but not being allowed to touch him.
I was so scared.
Trent telling me that that was my new home and that I had to get used to it.
John speaks quietly to me while Hugh tries to find the game on tv: You okay?
Me: Mmm.
John: You got real quiet.
Me: I don't know a thing about what you guys are talking about.
Hugh: I'm sorry, Elena. That's rude of me. What would you like to talk about?
Me: Nothing. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
I fake a smile and walk up the stairs.
Why me? Why did that creep have to do that to ME? I did nothing wrong! Oh I don't want to think about this!
....
I can't help it! Why won't it just go away!?!
I sit there as scenes replay themselves in my head, torturing me.
Trent wrapping his arms and legs around me to pin me and saying how cozy it was.
UGH!!!!
After an un-determinable amount of time, I suddenly notice John is sitting on the bed in front of me. I feel frozen in place.
John: Elena?
That awful phone call with the mechanical voice saying they were going to break Xavier's fingers. Not my little artist!
John: Elena?
That blonde girl actually acting jealous of me. Jealous!?
John: ELENA!
I shake violently for a second from being startled: Huh? What?
John sounds urgent: Talk to me!
It wasn't really a command. He just tries to hold my attention...
...which is next to impossible.
Being practically ordered to get in the hot tub with him.
Heights.
John leans forward to better get my attention: Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. I won't interrupt unless you want me to.
How his eyes followed me while I drank and after that glass of champagne.
My voice is barely above a whisper: It was terrible.
John's frame minutely shows his relief as he tries to maintain whatever it was about him that's finally making me talk.
Me: I don't think I realized at the time how bad it was. I don't think I would let myself. It's like I created a protective shell around me to shield me from actually noticing what was going on around me. I didn't realize then how he was trying to manipulate me.
I'm quiet for a few minutes. John watches me with rapt attention.
Me: He said... he said he wanted to kill you, but that he might decide not to ... depending on how I was.
John closes his eyes tight for a moment.
Me: Then, he wasn't happy. He was trying to order his men to kill you when that officer showed up.
I startle again: OH! There's a mole! One of the officers works for him!
John speaks: We figured it out. He's taken care of.
I wilt again into the same position.
Me: I thought about jumping off the building.
John had been looking down at the mattress, but now his head jerks up to me.
I rub my legs some because they've gotten a little cold: One of his men told me I'd better not cuz he'd have to clean up the mess.
For some reason this makes me laugh.
My eyes meet John's finally: I bit him.
I laugh again. John doesn't get the joke apparently.
Me: Mhm, I did. He had wrapped his arms and legs around me to pin me to him in that mine cart thing. So, I bit him. Then they drugged me. I'm glad I bit him. I hope I don't get rabies or something.
I stretch my legs out and look at my feet.
Me: It was cold in that room. I want to have the whole place filled in. Can I?
John: Of course.
I sigh. Then I burst into tears.
John's arms reach out and lift me into his lap. I rest my head in that little hollow at his shoulder and neck. He holds me to him and strokes the back of my head over and over while I cry.
Me: What did I do? What did I do wrong?
John: Nothing. He was insane.
Me: Did I make him insane?
John: No, of course not. His history made him insane.
Me: He said he'd risen above his childhood.
John: He was also delusional.
I nod: I never would've guessed he was Tate's brother. Step-brother.
John: Me either. Chaz did, though.
Me: They're both dead.
John: Yes.
I nod again. Then I fall asleep.
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