(originally posted 03/13/2012)
Marie's party -- from Laurie's perspective
Elena's daughter invites me to a party. Very nice of her. I also think it's awesome Elena adopted. I guess having been adopted herself, she feels like she's repaying the favor done for her.
Marie also invites a few people I've heard about and seen but not actually met. Standing right over there... Janie. I have to meet her. It's too bad I can't introduce myself as her uncle.
Elena has been ignoring me all afternoon, so I decide to go and at least MEET my niece.
Me: Hello, my name's Lawrence.
Janie: Um, hi. I'm Janie.
She has his eyes.
The guy she was talking to just stands there dumbfounded that she so quickly dismissed him.
Alex: Hey, Janie, wanna dance?
Janie: No thank you.
Me: Really? Don't tell him no on my account.
She whispers to me: That's okay. I stink at dancing. You're doing me and everyone around me a favor by giving me an excuse to tell him no.
I watch as the boy shrugs and walks off to get some pizza.
Me: So, I take it you know Marie from school?
Janie: Yeah, we're friends. I think she's mad at me though. I was dancing with her boyfriend earlier.
Me: The one she's dancing with now?
She turns around, sees Marie, and turns back to me: Huh. No. That's Dawson. (She sighs.) I have no idea what's going on with them. Um... I'm going to go find where my mom got to.
Me: Oh? Well, Marie had people putting their coats in her room, maybe she's in there.
We both walk off towards Marie's room, and sure enough, we find her.
Janie: Mom, what are you doing in here by yourself?
Brook: Just thinking that's all. Besides, it's too crowded in there.
Janie turns to me with a look that clearly says 'why are you still following me?': Um, Mom. This is...
Me: Lawrence.
Janie: Yeah. Lawrence.
I walk into the room since Brook seems to be glued to the spot.
Lawrence: I just left the bar a minute ago, but I'll make you something if you want me to.
Brook: Uh, no, that's okay. I'm Brook by the way.
Yes, I know. You, like Elena, did NOT testify against him at the trial.
Me: Nice to meet you.
Brook: So, you're Laurie.
I groan.
Brook laughs: I'm sorry. That's just how I hear Elena talk about you.
I blink twice: She talks about me?
Brook: Well, yeah. You're partners, right?
Oh.
Me: Yeah. Yes, we are. (I smile.) So... what has she told you about me?
Brook's face screws up like she's trying not to laugh again: That you can be a real sourpuss sometimes, but not lately for some reason. (She gives me a knowing look.) I wonder why...
I raise my eyebrows. So, she hasn't talked to Brook about the other night. Has she talked to ANYONE? John? Or... HAS she talked to Brook about it and now she's playing stupid? I hate mind games.
Me: I'm really liking going into business with your friend. I can't stay a "sourpuss" around her anymore.
Brook: Hum.
Brook is quiet for a moment before she continues: Maybe I'm wrong.
I don't like the way she acts like she knows that I love Elena just because: About what?
Brook: Never mind.
I give her a confused look.
Brook: Sorry. I'm just used to men falling all over themselves around Elena, and I figured that you'd be no different.
Okay, now that ****** me off. So, I'm that predictable? I'm that WEAK? Just another "feather in her hat"?
Brook mumbles: My ex-husband even...
I snatch at this information: What?
Brook looks surprised that she said what she said aloud: Oh! Nothing.
Me: You said something about your ex-husband.
Brook shakes her head: Don't worry about it. Sorry.
I give her the knowing look this time: So, your ex-husband fell for her charms too?
Brook: Too?
Me: Yes.
Brook: You're in love with her?
I sigh in aggravation: We're not talking about me.
Brook bites the inside of her lip while she studies me: Yes. He fell for her. His downfall actually. He went to prison. I don't want to talk about it. You should ask Elena. Um, but getting her to talk about it could prove impossible. She pretends it never happened.
Me: What never happened?
Brook looks nervous now. I'm not sure what the expression on my face is, but I'm eager to hear what she has to say. Next to Elena, this could be the best testimony I can get. I try to calm myself down. Normally I don't let my emotions show, but this is personal.
Brook tries to walk around me: You should ask Elena. I'm not really the one to talk about it.
I block her path and her eyes widen: Wait. I want to know, and you said Elena may not want to talk about it.
Brook: Get out of my way! It's none of your business anyway.
I've pushed too hard. I'll try again another time. I let her pass.
Me: Sorry.
She walks by me in a huff.
I decide to give Elena her space, taking the fact that she wasn't talking to me earlier to mean that she's not ready to talk about me being in love with her, and head back to the bar. I have an apartment above the kitchen at the bar that I occasionally use.
The Next Day
I wake up the next morning and put around the bar cleaning things up while waiting for Elena. Finally, I see her walk by as I look through the window. She's headed to her office. I wait a little while before going in to talk to her.
I can tell immediately that she's nervous around me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Me: Elena, can we talk?
Elena: Not right now, Laurie. I want to get this done, and if I'm interrupted too much I have to start my whole train of thought over again.
I'm not leaving this room without finding out how you feel.
Me: I'll wait.
She sighs almost imperceptibly as I walk around the desk to one of the chairs in front of it.
Her eyes look tired. She must've been up a lot last night. I wonder why.
Finally, those eyes look over at me as she says: What do you want to talk about, Laurie, since you're obviously not going to wait for another time?
Well, that was a rude way to start this conversation.
I feel slightly angry: What do you think I want to talk about?
Her eyes now look down at the top of the desk: I think I can guess.
This is not going well. She's nervous, and I don't think it's the good kind. I need to try to make it better.
Me: I want to apologize for the other night. I crossed the line.
I sit there and wait for her to respond. She continues to stare at her desk instead of looking at me. What more do you want from me, woman? I'm sorry for attacking you like that, but I'm not sorry for being in love with you.
She stays quiet. I keep waiting for her to say something. At least accept my apology!
Me: Elena?
She's looking at the computer screen now: Mm?
Dammit. Please look at me. I'm dying here.
Me: I want to know if you'll accept my apology.
Elena: I want to know why you feel like you have to apologize for it.
Really? You DON'T want me to apologize for it? Wait. Look at her.
Me: Well, for one I've made you uncomfortable. I don't like that.
For another, I made a fool of myself. I opened myself up to another person, something that I said I'd never do again.
Elena: You haven't made me uncomfortable.
Bullsh*t.
Me: Don't lie, Elena.
She exhales in a huff: Okay. Yes. I'm slightly uncomfortable right now, but it's not that big a deal.
It's a big deal to me! How can me saying I'm madly in love with you not be a big deal? Ugh, I have to know...
Me: Just tell me if you don't feel the same way I do. If you don't I won't bother you about it.
Here goes.
She sounds like she doesn't want to hurt me, but is going to anyway: I'm sorry, Laurie. I don't. For your sake, I wish I did. You're a great friend. In fact, you're probably one of my best friends.
So this is what a broken heart feels like. I sit there and work on getting my emotions under control. I succeed in my goal, a state of numbness. Better.
Me: Best friends. Business partners and best friends.
Elena looks at me sadly: Sorry.
Me: Me too.
I can't stay in here. So, you say you're in love with two men. I guess there's no room for three is there? Why do you even NEED them anyway? It didn't work out with them! Try me!
Not even thinking clearly I say: But hey listen, don't worry about it. Hah, I guess you have enough to worry about with the other two.
Elena bites her lip for a second before she answers: I don't have anything to worry about.
Huh?
Elena: I told Greg we're through, and I mean it.
Yes, I got that part, but you've done that before and...
Elena interrupts my thoughts again: And, I'm engaged to John as of last night.
!!!!!!!!
I feel like someone just stabbed me. Actually, I've been stabbed, and it didn't hurt this much.
Me: John?!
The little lost lamb look is back in her eyes: Yes.
I need to get out of here... NOW!
Me: I'll see you later then.
I slam the door to her office.
Elena's daughter invites me to a party. Very nice of her. I also think it's awesome Elena adopted. I guess having been adopted herself, she feels like she's repaying the favor done for her.
Marie also invites a few people I've heard about and seen but not actually met. Standing right over there... Janie. I have to meet her. It's too bad I can't introduce myself as her uncle.
Elena has been ignoring me all afternoon, so I decide to go and at least MEET my niece.
Me: Hello, my name's Lawrence.
Janie: Um, hi. I'm Janie.
She has his eyes.
The guy she was talking to just stands there dumbfounded that she so quickly dismissed him.
Alex: Hey, Janie, wanna dance?
Janie: No thank you.
Me: Really? Don't tell him no on my account.
She whispers to me: That's okay. I stink at dancing. You're doing me and everyone around me a favor by giving me an excuse to tell him no.
I watch as the boy shrugs and walks off to get some pizza.
Me: So, I take it you know Marie from school?
Janie: Yeah, we're friends. I think she's mad at me though. I was dancing with her boyfriend earlier.
Me: The one she's dancing with now?
She turns around, sees Marie, and turns back to me: Huh. No. That's Dawson. (She sighs.) I have no idea what's going on with them. Um... I'm going to go find where my mom got to.
Me: Oh? Well, Marie had people putting their coats in her room, maybe she's in there.
We both walk off towards Marie's room, and sure enough, we find her.
Janie: Mom, what are you doing in here by yourself?
Brook: Just thinking that's all. Besides, it's too crowded in there.
Janie turns to me with a look that clearly says 'why are you still following me?': Um, Mom. This is...
Me: Lawrence.
Janie: Yeah. Lawrence.
I walk into the room since Brook seems to be glued to the spot.
Lawrence: I just left the bar a minute ago, but I'll make you something if you want me to.
Brook: Uh, no, that's okay. I'm Brook by the way.
Yes, I know. You, like Elena, did NOT testify against him at the trial.
Me: Nice to meet you.
Brook: So, you're Laurie.
I groan.
Brook laughs: I'm sorry. That's just how I hear Elena talk about you.
I blink twice: She talks about me?
Brook: Well, yeah. You're partners, right?
Oh.
Me: Yeah. Yes, we are. (I smile.) So... what has she told you about me?
Brook's face screws up like she's trying not to laugh again: That you can be a real sourpuss sometimes, but not lately for some reason. (She gives me a knowing look.) I wonder why...
I raise my eyebrows. So, she hasn't talked to Brook about the other night. Has she talked to ANYONE? John? Or... HAS she talked to Brook about it and now she's playing stupid? I hate mind games.
Me: I'm really liking going into business with your friend. I can't stay a "sourpuss" around her anymore.
Brook: Hum.
Brook is quiet for a moment before she continues: Maybe I'm wrong.
I don't like the way she acts like she knows that I love Elena just because: About what?
Brook: Never mind.
I give her a confused look.
Brook: Sorry. I'm just used to men falling all over themselves around Elena, and I figured that you'd be no different.
Okay, now that ****** me off. So, I'm that predictable? I'm that WEAK? Just another "feather in her hat"?
Brook mumbles: My ex-husband even...
I snatch at this information: What?
Brook looks surprised that she said what she said aloud: Oh! Nothing.
Me: You said something about your ex-husband.
Brook shakes her head: Don't worry about it. Sorry.
I give her the knowing look this time: So, your ex-husband fell for her charms too?
Brook: Too?
Me: Yes.
Brook: You're in love with her?
I sigh in aggravation: We're not talking about me.
Brook bites the inside of her lip while she studies me: Yes. He fell for her. His downfall actually. He went to prison. I don't want to talk about it. You should ask Elena. Um, but getting her to talk about it could prove impossible. She pretends it never happened.
Me: What never happened?
Brook looks nervous now. I'm not sure what the expression on my face is, but I'm eager to hear what she has to say. Next to Elena, this could be the best testimony I can get. I try to calm myself down. Normally I don't let my emotions show, but this is personal.
Brook tries to walk around me: You should ask Elena. I'm not really the one to talk about it.
I block her path and her eyes widen: Wait. I want to know, and you said Elena may not want to talk about it.
Brook: Get out of my way! It's none of your business anyway.
I've pushed too hard. I'll try again another time. I let her pass.
Me: Sorry.
She walks by me in a huff.
I decide to give Elena her space, taking the fact that she wasn't talking to me earlier to mean that she's not ready to talk about me being in love with her, and head back to the bar. I have an apartment above the kitchen at the bar that I occasionally use.
The Next Day
I wake up the next morning and put around the bar cleaning things up while waiting for Elena. Finally, I see her walk by as I look through the window. She's headed to her office. I wait a little while before going in to talk to her.
I can tell immediately that she's nervous around me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Me: Elena, can we talk?
Elena: Not right now, Laurie. I want to get this done, and if I'm interrupted too much I have to start my whole train of thought over again.
I'm not leaving this room without finding out how you feel.
Me: I'll wait.
She sighs almost imperceptibly as I walk around the desk to one of the chairs in front of it.
Her eyes look tired. She must've been up a lot last night. I wonder why.
Finally, those eyes look over at me as she says: What do you want to talk about, Laurie, since you're obviously not going to wait for another time?
Well, that was a rude way to start this conversation.
I feel slightly angry: What do you think I want to talk about?
Her eyes now look down at the top of the desk: I think I can guess.
This is not going well. She's nervous, and I don't think it's the good kind. I need to try to make it better.
Me: I want to apologize for the other night. I crossed the line.
I sit there and wait for her to respond. She continues to stare at her desk instead of looking at me. What more do you want from me, woman? I'm sorry for attacking you like that, but I'm not sorry for being in love with you.
She stays quiet. I keep waiting for her to say something. At least accept my apology!
Me: Elena?
She's looking at the computer screen now: Mm?
Dammit. Please look at me. I'm dying here.
Me: I want to know if you'll accept my apology.
Elena: I want to know why you feel like you have to apologize for it.
Really? You DON'T want me to apologize for it? Wait. Look at her.
Me: Well, for one I've made you uncomfortable. I don't like that.
For another, I made a fool of myself. I opened myself up to another person, something that I said I'd never do again.
Elena: You haven't made me uncomfortable.
Bullsh*t.
Me: Don't lie, Elena.
She exhales in a huff: Okay. Yes. I'm slightly uncomfortable right now, but it's not that big a deal.
It's a big deal to me! How can me saying I'm madly in love with you not be a big deal? Ugh, I have to know...
Me: Just tell me if you don't feel the same way I do. If you don't I won't bother you about it.
Here goes.
She sounds like she doesn't want to hurt me, but is going to anyway: I'm sorry, Laurie. I don't. For your sake, I wish I did. You're a great friend. In fact, you're probably one of my best friends.
So this is what a broken heart feels like. I sit there and work on getting my emotions under control. I succeed in my goal, a state of numbness. Better.
Me: Best friends. Business partners and best friends.
Elena looks at me sadly: Sorry.
Me: Me too.
I can't stay in here. So, you say you're in love with two men. I guess there's no room for three is there? Why do you even NEED them anyway? It didn't work out with them! Try me!
Not even thinking clearly I say: But hey listen, don't worry about it. Hah, I guess you have enough to worry about with the other two.
Elena bites her lip for a second before she answers: I don't have anything to worry about.
Huh?
Elena: I told Greg we're through, and I mean it.
Yes, I got that part, but you've done that before and...
Elena interrupts my thoughts again: And, I'm engaged to John as of last night.
!!!!!!!!
I feel like someone just stabbed me. Actually, I've been stabbed, and it didn't hurt this much.
Me: John?!
The little lost lamb look is back in her eyes: Yes.
I need to get out of here... NOW!
Me: I'll see you later then.
I slam the door to her office.
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