23: Just Catching My Breath

(originally posted on 10/05/2011)

Friday

Greg has been working out every chance he gets. He claims it's to get a promotion.

We have a neat little yard behind our house. As soon as I can, I'm getting a garden going again.

I get the paperwork from John's lawyer. We're going in tomorrow to talk this over. It's going to have to go to court. Neither of us wants to give the other the kids. He can have the house and everything in it because I have the inheritance from his dead aunt. We fill the house with furniture with it, so I don't need anything more from him. It was all in John's style anyway.

Saturday
(Yes, a court date on Saturday... lol. That's just how it's worked out.)

To make a long story short.... That didn't take long. I got the kids. The judge said John had to attend counseling because of his abusive behavior, and as long as he DID attend counseling, he could have the kids on the weekends, starting next weekend. Effective immediately, I have custody. I think it really helped my case that I proved I already had space set up for them in our new house.

Still.... The look on John's face. Terrible. First, he wouldn't even look at me. I hated hearing his lawyer talk about me like a terrible, cheating mother unfit to raise children. Throughout all that John kept his eyes front, watching either the lawyer or the judge. I hate to say it, but I'm amazed by how calm he seemed. When the judge issued his well, judgement, John finally broke his stoic demeanor. He just took off his glasses and put his face in his hands. I wanted to run over to him, hold him, and tell him everything was going to be okay. Ugh! Who do I think I am? That's not my place anymore. Well, then he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and dried his face. I had anticipated an outcry, an outroar actually. His lawyer patted his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He nodded then looked at me with that same unreadable expression I'd only ever seen once on his face before... after I'd told him what happened with Tate. I felt like I had been turned to stone. I couldn't move until he released me by looking away. Then, he walked out of the courtroom and didn't stop until he got to his car.

So, here I am at the old house, I guess it's the old house for me now, to pick up my son. Marie is over at Andy's house. I have to ring the doorbell three times before John finally answers it. He just glances at me... then looks down at the ground. He goes over and kisses Xavier, chokes back a sob, and runs outside to his training dummy, I guess. I try to get him to talk to me, but I'm getting the silent treatment. I deserve worse.

Me: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. It's all going to be okay.

I wish I could say the same to John. I pick up the few things John has packed for us and leave.

We go inside, and Greg has just showered off after working out again. I'd asked him not to go with me to the courthouse or to pick up Xavier. He didn't look like he liked the idea of him staying here while I went to get him, but I can only imagine that would've made it worse.

Greg smiles: Hey there, Xavier! How's the little man doing? Do you like your new house?
Xavier just looks at him.
Greg: Wanna come see Greg?

Greg holds out his arms to take him, but Xavier clings to me.

Me: Don't feel bad, Greg. Who knows what he's making of this. (to Xavier) Look! See what Mommy has bought you? A new toybox and a musical thingy you can smack with this mallet!

He reaches for the toybox, so I put him down so that he can play with it.

Greg sees my composure falling. Oh no, please don't cry.. not again, I tell myself. He pulls me close.

Greg: That must've been terrible.
Me: It was.
Greg: You should've let me go. I could've at least sat in the parking lot.
Me: No, no. You would've helped ME feel better, but it would have been horrible for John.
Greg sighs: You still care for him don't you?

Me: Yes, I do.... but, it can never be the same with him and me.
Greg: It's all my fault.
Me: No it's not.
Greg: Yes, it is.
Me: Greg...
Greg: Hush. I'm not wishing I never did what I did, but accepting it and acknowledging it. I am a horrible person, but I love you. (He chuckles lightly) And there's NOTHING you can do about it.

Great, use my words against me.

Greg: Gimme a sec...

He goes off into the bathroom.

Xavier is apparently having a blast IN the toybox.
(Toybox SHOULD be one word... crazy spell check... even if it's really supposed to be 2 I'm making it one so you're just gonna have to get over it! )

Xavier: Horsie fly! Fly horsie!
He throws the horse out of the toybox. Then gets it, gets back in and repeats the whole process.

Me: Whoa!
Greg smiles: Thought it was about time I shaved.
I chuckle: I was actually kinda getting used to the slight beard.
Greg: You want me to grow it back?
I smile: I don't know. Do what you want to do.
He raises an eyebrow.

Greg: Ah, that's right... you're officially single.

Butterflies are still in residence. How can he do this to me by just raising an eyebrow? I think my legs are turning to jelly.

He pulls me into his arms.

Greg: I am sorry for what I did to you, to everyone. I can't help it. I love you. I always have. If I were a good person, I would've left you alone, but I'm not.
Me: You are.
Greg: Nope. (emphasis on the P)
Me: Greg, stop it. (I shake the hair out of my eyes) What happened happened. I'm a little glad it did. You're right, I should've been with you all along. Now I'm where I need to be.

He pulls me closer. His lips are mere millimeters from mine. Oh, just kiss me dangit.

Greg says real low: You.... are devilishly cute when you get sure of yourself.

He pauses again. If he doesn't kiss me soon, I'm going to pounce. He exhales, and I can feel it on my cheek and neck. I get goosebumps. Then, he really quickly kisses me on the cheek and walks off laughing.

Me: You little...!!! (I think I'm hyperventilating.)
He laughs again: All's fair... I'm giving you a taste of what you've been giving me all this time.

I'm still trying to catch my breath when he sits down in front of Xavier, who has moved to the xylophone.

Xavier looks like he's having a great time with Greg now. They're bonding over a xylophone? Boys. Greg mumbles a song, and Xavier plays along with it. The doorbell rings...

Me: Marie! Why the heck are you ringing the doorbell? You live here now.
Marie: Well, I don't know, it just felt weird walking up and just opening the door.

I give her a quick tour, and we go back to the living room area.

Marie: Great house, Mom. My room needs a little decorating improvement, though.
Me: I thought you'd want to do that yourself.
Marie: You thought right.
Me: John was the one that picked out the house. I probably wouldn't have picked out a two story, but it's big enough without being too big, ya know?

Me: How are you, Marie?
Marie: Oh, you know, I'm fine.
Me: How's Andy?
Marie: Cute. Though...lately he's been acting a little funny. Not good funny. I don't know what his problem is. I've spent almost the whole day playing games with his brother Dawson.
Me: Who knows? But, I'm glad you're here.
Marie: Me too, Mom. 

(I couldn't get them to hug normally, so this pic is weird)


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