116: Emotional (Elena, Ben, Marie)

(warning: If you are reading this in order starting at 1 and going on at the blog... skip this one! It's CHAPTER 116!)

adult language

Elena

I wait a few weeks to be sure before I even think of telling John. I don't want to get his hopes up. I can't believe it happened so quickly! I thought this was supposed to be harder when you got older. Seems to me we only just barely got started trying.

Positive. It's positive. I'm pregnant. Again.

What will the kids think?

Shoot, I'm almost old enough to be a grandmother .... Take your time, Xavier, since Marie doesn't really count as far as age goes... and I'm having another baby.

Oh, please be a girl!

"Babe? You in there?" I hear John say through the door.

"Um, yeah, one sec." I say back to him and hate how my voice sounds shaky.

"Everything okay?"

John doesn't miss a thing, does he? I'll bet he won't even be surprised when I tell him. The way I've been running to the bathroom every five minutes it seems, he couldn't have failed to notice.

"Um, yeah." I say as I open the door.

His green eyes immediately assess the scene, and he looks like he's dying to find out what's really going on. However, he won't ask because he doesn't want to pry ... even if he really does. The intensity of his gaze makes my knees shake a little and I have to force myself to pull it together.

You just had to marry a secret agent, didn't you?

"I'm starting to get a little concerned is all. You're spending alot of time in the bathroom lately." he says in that fabulous bass voice of his. I have this sudden urge to pounce on him. Why does he have to lean on the wall in just that way? Does he even know how hot he looks right now?

"Oh, um, yeah." Lame, Elena. Really stupid. You're letting yourself get distracted! Why not just go ahead and tell him since there's no possible way you can keep it from him anymore?

"Is there a reason for that?" he asks with his eyebrows raised.

"Um, yeah." I answer lamely again and look anywhere but at his probing eyes.

"Are you?!" he suddenly asks, bolting over to me.

I can't help it now. I lift up my gaze to his. He looks like he's desperately trying to read me. I nod my head a fraction of a degree.

He makes this little 'ha' sound and suddenly starts passionately kissing me. I feel a little overwhelmed even considering my recent pouncing urge. I also feel a little sick. Dizzy. Oh no.

I fly out of his arms and race back into the bathroom.

Well great. John kisses me and I go throw up.

"Sorry." I say as he wipes my face with a cold washcloth. "I don't know why I'm so sick this time. Honestly, that wasn't meant as a reaction to you kissing me."

He laughs his beautiful laugh and kisses my forehead.

"Well," he says, "you know they say sometimes the sicker you are the better the baby is."

"Good for the baby then but I feel like crap." And oh, I like hearing your voice say the word 'baby' again. "I think I want to go lie down for a while. At least I don't have to work."

After lying on the bed for a few minutes, I notice John's fidgeting.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Um, speaking of work..."

"Uh oh."

"Hugh called and said he needed me for .... something."

Figures. At every important part of our life you're down at that fucking station!

"Fine. Go." I say in a tone that makes it obvious I do not think it's fine.

"Elena, baby, please don't be mad. It's probably..."

He stops when I hold up my hand. "No. You go ahead. I'll just be here at home by myself, sick as a dog. And no offense to Duchess."

"You're not alone. Marie is here some-"

"No. She went house hunting with that Dawson boy. I'm alone."

"Xavier will be home in a few hours..."

"Oh, so you leave me in the care of our fifteen-year-old son?"

"Elena..." he growls my name. "You sure are pregnant with that whining."

"Whining! I'm not whining!"

"And that temper..."

"Temper! I'll show you temper! You leave me all the time! Go! Go to your station even though you're retired! Don't worry about me! I'll just be here sick. But no! You go!"

"Nope. Now I'm staying. I know that voice. Hugh will just have to do without me today." He gets in the bed next to me.

"John, just go. Now I feel guilty I'm making you stay if he needs your help."

He reaches past me, picks up the phone, and tells Hugh he can't make it today but maybe tomorrow.

"Do you ever listen to me?" I complain.

"Yes. I am right now. You're not really telling me to go. You're telling me to stay. If I go today I'll be coming back to one very angry wife tonight, and it's not worth that."

"Now I'm telling you to go."

"Nope." He kisses the tip of my nose. "I'm staying right here."

I can't help it, but I feel better. John wraps me in his arms and I immediately fall asleep.

Ben

"Shut up, Ben! I did not!" Sarah yells to me on the playground as the unseasonably hot sun beats down on us. Thankfully, there's a strong breeze. It was this breeze that blew something into her eye.

"Oh yes, you did." I say back to her. I like Sarah. I think she's cute. She's the prettiest girl in class and if the other boys are too stupid to chase her that's fine with me.

"I had something in my eye, you dweeb! I was not winking at you!" A sudden gust of wind blows some of her hair into her face, and she irritatedly tries to tuck it behind her ear. It doesn't stay there long before the wind catches it again.

"I'll pretend that's what happened if you want, but between you and me, I don't believe it for a second." I grin at her as she makes an aggravated sound, clenches her fists, and stomps her foot. Yeah, I know she had something in her eye, but I'd be dumb not to make something of it.

"Benjamin Turner, you are, without a doubt, the most irritating boy on Earth!"

"Aw, I didn't know you cared, Sarah." This is fun! I think as I reach up to brush her hair out of her face, grinning the whole time.

"Stop grinning at me!" she says as she bats my hand away and tries again to get control of her hair herself.

I attempt to stop grinning and fail. "I can't." I say and laugh.

The bell rings and recess is over. The whole rest of the day, I practice my spitball technique on the back of her head. I don't think she really appreciates my art. Huh, critic.

Marie

Dawson looks at me like he's really getting fed up. "Marie, you haven't liked anything we've looked at today. This town isn't that big, you know."

"I know. I don't know why I don't like anything. Maybe today just isn't my day." I say quietly.

"I just want you to like whatever house I get. I wish I could afford a palace, but..."

"I don't want a palace, Dawson, just get a house because you like it."

"But... I want you to ... You know ... Just in case we .... You know." he stammers.

I have to laugh a little. "Just in case what, exactly?" I ask, knowing what he means but enjoying torturing him all the same.

"You know..." he growls a little and pulls me to him.

I look at him with false confusion and ask, "I do?"

"Exactly" he says and smiles. "I'll just pick one. Don't be upset with my choice, okay? You had a chance to have a say."

"Can always move later, you know." I point out.

He groans. "Let's go get something to eat."

At the restaurant, someone I never in my life expected to see again walks up.

"Dawson?" she asks and we both turn to her with shocked expressions.

"Cristina?" Dawson asks, wide-eyed.

I watch him closely as his face starts to light up, mirroring hers.

Click here to go to Chapter 117

23: Just Catching My Breath

(originally posted on 10/05/2011)

Friday

Greg has been working out every chance he gets. He claims it's to get a promotion.

We have a neat little yard behind our house. As soon as I can, I'm getting a garden going again.

I get the paperwork from John's lawyer. We're going in tomorrow to talk this over. It's going to have to go to court. Neither of us wants to give the other the kids. He can have the house and everything in it because I have the inheritance from his dead aunt. We fill the house with furniture with it, so I don't need anything more from him. It was all in John's style anyway.

Saturday
(Yes, a court date on Saturday... lol. That's just how it's worked out.)

To make a long story short.... That didn't take long. I got the kids. The judge said John had to attend counseling because of his abusive behavior, and as long as he DID attend counseling, he could have the kids on the weekends, starting next weekend. Effective immediately, I have custody. I think it really helped my case that I proved I already had space set up for them in our new house.

Still.... The look on John's face. Terrible. First, he wouldn't even look at me. I hated hearing his lawyer talk about me like a terrible, cheating mother unfit to raise children. Throughout all that John kept his eyes front, watching either the lawyer or the judge. I hate to say it, but I'm amazed by how calm he seemed. When the judge issued his well, judgement, John finally broke his stoic demeanor. He just took off his glasses and put his face in his hands. I wanted to run over to him, hold him, and tell him everything was going to be okay. Ugh! Who do I think I am? That's not my place anymore. Well, then he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and dried his face. I had anticipated an outcry, an outroar actually. His lawyer patted his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He nodded then looked at me with that same unreadable expression I'd only ever seen once on his face before... after I'd told him what happened with Tate. I felt like I had been turned to stone. I couldn't move until he released me by looking away. Then, he walked out of the courtroom and didn't stop until he got to his car.

So, here I am at the old house, I guess it's the old house for me now, to pick up my son. Marie is over at Andy's house. I have to ring the doorbell three times before John finally answers it. He just glances at me... then looks down at the ground. He goes over and kisses Xavier, chokes back a sob, and runs outside to his training dummy, I guess. I try to get him to talk to me, but I'm getting the silent treatment. I deserve worse.

Me: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. It's all going to be okay.

I wish I could say the same to John. I pick up the few things John has packed for us and leave.

We go inside, and Greg has just showered off after working out again. I'd asked him not to go with me to the courthouse or to pick up Xavier. He didn't look like he liked the idea of him staying here while I went to get him, but I can only imagine that would've made it worse.

Greg smiles: Hey there, Xavier! How's the little man doing? Do you like your new house?
Xavier just looks at him.
Greg: Wanna come see Greg?

Greg holds out his arms to take him, but Xavier clings to me.

Me: Don't feel bad, Greg. Who knows what he's making of this. (to Xavier) Look! See what Mommy has bought you? A new toybox and a musical thingy you can smack with this mallet!

He reaches for the toybox, so I put him down so that he can play with it.

Greg sees my composure falling. Oh no, please don't cry.. not again, I tell myself. He pulls me close.

Greg: That must've been terrible.
Me: It was.
Greg: You should've let me go. I could've at least sat in the parking lot.
Me: No, no. You would've helped ME feel better, but it would have been horrible for John.
Greg sighs: You still care for him don't you?

Me: Yes, I do.... but, it can never be the same with him and me.
Greg: It's all my fault.
Me: No it's not.
Greg: Yes, it is.
Me: Greg...
Greg: Hush. I'm not wishing I never did what I did, but accepting it and acknowledging it. I am a horrible person, but I love you. (He chuckles lightly) And there's NOTHING you can do about it.

Great, use my words against me.

Greg: Gimme a sec...

He goes off into the bathroom.

Xavier is apparently having a blast IN the toybox.
(Toybox SHOULD be one word... crazy spell check... even if it's really supposed to be 2 I'm making it one so you're just gonna have to get over it! )

Xavier: Horsie fly! Fly horsie!
He throws the horse out of the toybox. Then gets it, gets back in and repeats the whole process.

Me: Whoa!
Greg smiles: Thought it was about time I shaved.
I chuckle: I was actually kinda getting used to the slight beard.
Greg: You want me to grow it back?
I smile: I don't know. Do what you want to do.
He raises an eyebrow.

Greg: Ah, that's right... you're officially single.

Butterflies are still in residence. How can he do this to me by just raising an eyebrow? I think my legs are turning to jelly.

He pulls me into his arms.

Greg: I am sorry for what I did to you, to everyone. I can't help it. I love you. I always have. If I were a good person, I would've left you alone, but I'm not.
Me: You are.
Greg: Nope. (emphasis on the P)
Me: Greg, stop it. (I shake the hair out of my eyes) What happened happened. I'm a little glad it did. You're right, I should've been with you all along. Now I'm where I need to be.

He pulls me closer. His lips are mere millimeters from mine. Oh, just kiss me dangit.

Greg says real low: You.... are devilishly cute when you get sure of yourself.

He pauses again. If he doesn't kiss me soon, I'm going to pounce. He exhales, and I can feel it on my cheek and neck. I get goosebumps. Then, he really quickly kisses me on the cheek and walks off laughing.

Me: You little...!!! (I think I'm hyperventilating.)
He laughs again: All's fair... I'm giving you a taste of what you've been giving me all this time.

I'm still trying to catch my breath when he sits down in front of Xavier, who has moved to the xylophone.

Xavier looks like he's having a great time with Greg now. They're bonding over a xylophone? Boys. Greg mumbles a song, and Xavier plays along with it. The doorbell rings...

Me: Marie! Why the heck are you ringing the doorbell? You live here now.
Marie: Well, I don't know, it just felt weird walking up and just opening the door.

I give her a quick tour, and we go back to the living room area.

Marie: Great house, Mom. My room needs a little decorating improvement, though.
Me: I thought you'd want to do that yourself.
Marie: You thought right.
Me: John was the one that picked out the house. I probably wouldn't have picked out a two story, but it's big enough without being too big, ya know?

Me: How are you, Marie?
Marie: Oh, you know, I'm fine.
Me: How's Andy?
Marie: Cute. Though...lately he's been acting a little funny. Not good funny. I don't know what his problem is. I've spent almost the whole day playing games with his brother Dawson.
Me: Who knows? But, I'm glad you're here.
Marie: Me too, Mom. 

(I couldn't get them to hug normally, so this pic is weird)


Click here to go to Chapter 24
Clicking 'next post' will take you to chapter 116, so talk about your spoilers... :)

22: Mass Hysteria

(originally posted on 10/04/2011)

(by the way...I hate this, but it's part of the story)  

Mass Hysteria 


Finally, John turns to me.

John: What have I got to do to make you stop loving him? Lock you away? Move us half way around the world? I'll do it.... but no, he'll still be there...floating around in your subconscious. Do I have to bash your skull in to get him out?
Whoa!
Me: John, please...calm down.
wrong thing to say

John: CALM DOWN?! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN?! You're sleeping with another man!
Me: John, please, it didn't come to that.
John: Right. I don't believe a word coming out of your pretty little mouth! (He pauses) I can't believe my wife has turned herself into a whore!

Everyone has their breaking point. He just found mine.

Me: I did NOT sleep with him. All we did was kiss, and he tried to convince me to leave you! Maybe I should you mean piece of sh- 

John: You want mean? I can be mean! Teach you a lesson!

He starts to drag me into the kitchen, his obvious intent to take me upstairs..what for, I don't want to find out.

I break free so fast I land right on my butt. Don't stop moving, I tell myself.

John: Just where do you think YOU'RE going?
He grabs hold of my forearm and yanks it behind my back.
Me: Let me go! Ow! Let me go!
John pauses a minute. I can feel his chest heave with rage. I continue to beg for him to release me.
John: Oh, get out! You're not even worth it anymore!

I run outside as fast as my legs can carry me. I'm at once both glad and dismayed that it's so late at night that the park is empty. I don't want anyone to witness this, but still, I need help.

I run down the side of the house, headed for Greg's...but wait! My children! I have to get them out!

I run around the back of the house, hoping that that door is open. My stupid keys are on the dresser.
The door is locked! I bang on it, yelling at John to open the door and let me have Xavier and to let Marie go. There is no answer. I'm crying.

I've had it. I scream and faint. Now I wish all the houses around us weren't empty.

I start coming around again and I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket.

Me: H-h-h-hell-lo?
Greg: Elena! It's Greg. Are you okay?
I cry: No! John threw me out! He won't let me have the kids! I was so scared when I left I didn't think to get them first!
Greg: Don't worry about them for now. He'd never do anything to them. I'm coming to get you.
Me: I'm walking towards your house right now.
Greg: Meet you then.

(okay-the part I hate is over now)

He meets me not far from his house because I'm moving so fast. He practically carries me inside.

I think I'm ruining his shirt crying.

Me:...and the kids...what am I going to do? The worst is I can't help but think about my stupid garden, too. Huh, some mother I am.
Greg: Shh! Shhh! It's okay. It'll all be okay..... I never should have left. I only did it because you looked like you really wanted me to. At first, I just hung around the square, but it got real quiet, and I've figured out that when John gets mad, he's loud. I can't believe he did that to you. I shudder to think what he was going to do if..

I jerk back. I don't know why, but the last thing I want is for Greg to badmouth John.

Me: Hush. I don't want to think about it. He was just mad.
Greg: He was beyond mad, Elena. He was out of control.
I say in clipped tones: I don't want to talk about it!
Greg looks confused: But, you just were. 
I nearly faint again and fall forward. 

Me: Sorry. I'm just not myself. I just can't handle any of this anymore.
Greg: Don't then. You need to rest.

I put my head on his chest and cry some more. He shushes me again and lifts my face up to where I'm looking at him.

Greg: I'll never let him hurt you again.

I'm about to fuss at him for mentioning tonight again--I have no idea what is going on with me, I both want to talk about it and then I want to put it off for another day..like I've just had more than I can handle.--when he kisses me. Just a simple, sweet kiss. It's like his lips tell me it's going to be okay.
Wow, I'm tired. He finally got me to calm down. I was hysterical.

Greg: Go get some sleep. I'll rest here some more on the couch.

He starts leading me into his room. 

Me: Okay. 

He pulls down the covers - wow he made his bed - and helps me in...just taking off my shoes and undoing my hair. He kisses me on the forehead, and I pass out.

Wednesday
Well, maybe...I don't know how long I slept.

I wake up and it's semi-dark outside. I don't know if it's morning or evening. I find a note on the bedside table that Greg took the liberty of calling my work and requesting several days off. News travels fast in this town, so they already knew all about it and granted me the leave. I find a dress in my size hanging up on a nail on the wall. He bought me a dress? It's a little too dressy for a regular day, but it's pretty, and it's clean. I go into the living room to see Greg curled up on the couch, lightly snoring and wearing the same clothes. I don't know what to do, so I grab a book off the shelf and try to read. I fail miserably, so I just sit there and stare at Greg. Well, you know how you can feel a person staring at you? That apparently happened to him because he woke up, saw me and smiled. I smiled back and got up to return the book to the shelf.


Greg: How are you feeling this morning?
Me: Oh it's morning? I couldn't tell. I must not have slept as long as I thought.
Greg: Elena darling, you slept over a day.
Me: Oh...
Thursday then

Me: Thank you for the dress. It's lovely.
Greg: I'm glad you like it. (He shrugs) I got the lady in the store to pick it out. I think she overdid it, but it certainly does look lovely on you.
Me: You're sweet. Flattery will get you everywhere.

Greg: Oh it will, huh?
I chuckle.
Greg: Wanna go out?
Me: Okay.
He heads for the door.
Me: Um, aren't you going to change clothes?
He looks down at himself: What? They're still clean.
I mutely shake my head and follow him out the door.

We get in his once-was-a-car-now-is-a-pile-of-junk.
Me: How come with all the money you make you still drive around in this thing?
Greg: Are you 'dissing my car?
Me: Well....
Greg: I love this car! I've had it forever!
Me: I can tell.
Greg happily sighs: A lot has happened to me in this car...
Me: Okay, you can stop right there.
He chuckles.
Me: That reminds me.... Monday, Sue warned me that she'd seen me at your house Sunday all day long.
Greg: Nosy little...
Me: Anyway, she also mentioned that a lot of other women come and go by your place regularly.
Greg doesn't look abashed at all: Yes, I dated just about every single woman I could, trying to find another you. Yesterday was a busy day for me.
He tells me about yesterday.
Yesterday

He apparently invited all the women he'd been romantically involved with over to the house to tell them that he was no longer interested. I don't think this was the wisest way to do it, but he uses the excuse that he didn't want to do it over the phone. Well, yes, I can understand that..but having that many angry women at the house at once was not the best idea.

Ophelia Moves as well? The dancer from the trial? Geez, Greg. You really did get around.

This one acted like everything was fine. She had commitment issues, so she took it rather well -- until Greg turned his back.

(There were more, but it was getting redundant to take pics of them all. He had the reputation of dirtbag. I did the 'clean slate' thing for him. Then, wished I hadn't -that could've been fun. Oh well, live and learn.)
Back to today-Thursday

We go to the bistro across the river, sit down, and get our food brought to us outside. Greg looks at the reflection in the window and almost chokes on his food. I look up at him and see John in the corner of my eye. Oh.... he's wearing the same thing he wore on our first date, those stupid workout pants and no shirt. He sniffs the air like something stinks, glares at us, and walks by.

Greg slams his fork down at the expression on my face, I guess, and jumps up.

Greg: Can't you just leave us alone?
John: It's a public place, moron. How was I to know you were bringing my WIFE here?
(This girl really needs to stop thinking about gardening and ruining my pics lol.)

John: And who do you think you ARE anyway? Telling me where I can and can't go!
Greg: Would you just shut up and go away?

I'm looking over at the two of them, wishing they would both just stop. I kinda don't want Greg to tell John to leave. I want to talk to him.

Me: Greg, hang on just a minute.

He looks at me with a flabbergasted 'what?' on his face.

Me: John, please, please see reason. Please don't be mad at me!
John: How can I possibly NOT be mad at you? Here you are, flaunting your affair right out in public.

There is nothing I can say to that. I feel like a have a ball of lead in my stomach. So, I change the subject.

Me: Um, how are the kids?
John appears to slightly calm down: Marie should be along shortly. I got Raquel to watch Xavier for a minute. Her teenage daughter adores him. I just needed to get out and get some air. Marie wanted to go too. Now, I find you here with HIM. I think I've lost my appetite.
Me: John...
John: No. I don't want to hear it. I'm going to go see a lawyer tomorrow.

Me: No! No no no no no no! Please, John. Don't do this! You're forcing my decision.
John laughs derisively: Your decision? You've got to be kidding me, Elena. It looks like you've made it a long time ago.
Me: No.
John: It's over. Back off.
Greg: Elena, let's leave. This jerk isn't worth your time.

John just looks at him like one might look at a rotting carcass. I think I'm hyperventilating. Marie walks up.

Me: Marie, honey, I'm so so sorry you had to witness that the other night. I would've gone back in, but John locked me out. I was just going to go over to the house to talk to you after we finished here.

Greg sighs and opens up a book. Marie looks like she's trying not to cry. She's tried to put off this tough persona with the hair and everything, but I still see the little girl afraid to go off to school when I look at her.

Marie: Mom, I realize you're going through something right now, but I think you're the one that messed everything up.

Me: What are you saying? You think I did this on purpose?
Marie: Well....not exactly on purpose... Look, you're still my mom and I'll stick by you no matter what crazy thing you do. I want to stay at John's house to be with Xavier.

I say quietly as John argues with the paparazzi: Who's to say that Xavier is going to stay with John?
Marie: I don't know. I just know that wherever he is, I am. He needs me. What with John stomping around the house all day and you gone.
Me: I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Marie: Oh, I get it. Really. I just wanted you to know that I'm staying where Xavier is.
Me: Okay.

Greg closes his book really loudly and stands up, walking away. He's staring up at the sky and breathing really hard. I walk up to him.

Greg: I'm ready to leave. Are you coming?
Me: Of course I'm coming.

He looks away. I'm trying to figure out this mood swing.

Me: Greg? Are you okay?
Greg: Let's just go home.

He doesn't say anything on the way back. When we get here, he slams his car door (even harder than he has to slam it to get it to close) and trudges into the house.

(I had to pull pics from another moment because I didn't do things in the right order when I was playing, and then I didn't take enough of them...bear with it for a min.)

Me: What is going ON?
Greg: Elena, are you still in love with John? Even after all he did?
I pause: I... no, I don't think so.
John smiles slightly: Good.
He takes a big breath.
Me: Was THAT was this was all about? Oh, Greg. I'm so sorry. I'm such a dumbbutt.

Greg pulls me close: Well, as long as you're my dumbbutt, I guess that's okay.
I act shocked: Hey! You're not supposed to agree with me!

He laughs. I'm so glad. Truth is... well... I don't blame him for wondering by the way I reacted to John. It didn't help that John showed up wearing that getup. You can't just love someone and turn it off with a switch. However, I will never forget the look of pure rage in his eyes as he kicked me out of the house. If he'd been able to get me upstairs.... no, don't go there.

Greg pulls me out of my reverie: Um, Elena? Earth to Elena.
Me: Sorry, I was thinking of the other night.
Greg: Do you want to talk about it?
Me: No.
Greg: You need to deal with it.
Me: No. I just can't. Just... just be here for me when I can.
Greg: Of course. I can't stand to see you hurting.
Me: Well, right now I'm not hurting... well... not in that way...

I send out some big hints... and I know he can't help but react, but then he stops and pulls back.

Greg: Not yet, Elena.
Me: What? Why?
Greg: You are still another man's wife.
Me: But the last time...
Greg: I was divorced. We were both single.

I am completely stunned. I stand here probably looking like a gaping fish.

Greg: I have to have something to help the divorce along.
I laugh and playfully hit him: You scheming little...
Greg laughs: Oh, you have no idea. I really, really had a busy day yesterday. After the ladies left and I went power shopping, I picked out a house. Do you want to see it?
I become the gaping fish again: Uh.... Yes!
Greg: Good. Now go get some sleep.
I lift one eyebrow: Want to join me?
Greg: Yes, but I'm going to sleep on the couch again anyway.
I groan.

Friday

Yay! It's actually bigger than it looks from the front. Of course, I love it. It's adorable, yet big enough to have plenty of room for us and the kids. Not every man wants the baggage kids from another marriage are. I'm trying not to cry as I think about how wonderful he is. 

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