38: Suspicions

(originally posted 12/13/2011)

a little bonus here from the book I kinda stopped writing for a while...
This is chronologically located just before the time that Elena and John broke up that first time:


      “What about your fathers? What happened to them.?” I ask, starting to feel an even deeper connection with John.
       “Well,” he clears his throat, “Mom cheated on my dad with Eric’s dad.”
       I gasp.
      “Yeah. My dad took it pretty hard. I was just a baby, maybe one year old. She left him for Eric’s dad and took me with her.” He pauses again. “My dad committed suicide.”
      “Oh, John. I’m so sorry. You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.” I say feeling abashed at myself now. He’s an orphan, too.
      John sits his head up a little bit and kisses the top of my head. “Nah, I like that you want to know.”
      I sigh and ask, “Okay, so what happened with Eric’s dad?”
      “He left us when I was about five, Eric was about three. I’m not positive because Mom didn’t like to talk about him much, but I think he left her for another woman.” He sighs. “Mom started taking drugs about that time. Not much longer after that she met Jonah’s dad. They would throw wild parties and Eric and I didn’t get enough sleep most of the time, which made our grades suffer among other things. When she wound up pregnant with Jonah he skipped town.” He sighs again. “For a while she stopped using. For Jonah’s sake I think. But it didn’t last. She started back up again when he was about three. When I got older I’d try to talk to her about it and she didn’t react well. That’s when the sports at school really helped. It gave me a chance to get away, and I later realised I got positive adult influence as well. Eric is five years older than Jonah and he basically tried to raise him through his teenage years. Sometimes I feel like Eric is the oldest, not me. Eric’s always wanted a family. It’s like he wants to prove to the world that families can work.”
      I lie there and take it all in then ask, “So she died about ten years ago?”
      “Yes. She’d been in and out of rehab programs, starting back up and stopping over and over. Finally her body couldn't take it anymore.”
      I lay there hugging him. So he really meant it that first time we met with the toast. Talk about rotten childhoods.
      “I have no right to complain about having been in boarding schools.” I say dejectedly.
      He kisses the top of my head again. “Why? You were miserable. I was miserable.” He pauses.
     “Just because one looks worse doesn’t make the other less painful.”
      “But I didn’t have all that crap at home.”
      “But you didn’t get to be at home most of the time.”
      I sigh. “Which may have been a blessing.”
      He sighs too and hugs me to him. “Elena, we just have to keep it in the past and learn from it. Nothing else can be done about it.” He kisses my forehead and says, “I can tell you one thing, though. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.” Then he pulls me up to make my face level with his and kisses me deeply and passionately. I’d never realised how much pain he had had in his life. No wonder he has this “save the world” mentality that I’ve seen occasionally. He wants to fix the world so bad things don’t happen to other people too. 


now on to the 'present' part of the story:

So, I decide to go to Leo's while Greg is at one of his games.


Once there, no sooner had I ordered, John walks in. He looks a little peeved about something. Also, there's this annoying girl named Sylvia Drake standing next to me. I remember her from my wedding with Greg. She was the one that kept getting in the way.


John orders his drink, then I can feel him looking at me. Well, this might be the perfect time to talk to him like Jonah asked me to do. I can sense he has a kind of melancholy mood. I wonder why.


It looks like the bartender notices his mood as well, and she works on cheering him up. She must have to do this alot because she's pretty good at it.

Okay, Elena. Talk to him. Geez, why am I so nervous? I used to be married to the guy for Pete's sake! Will he even WANT to talk to me?


I see from looking in the mirror behind the bar that John has turned towards me.


I turn towards him as well, but I can't look him in the eye just yet.

Me: Hey, John. How are you?


John: Better now that I've gotten myself out of the house. There's just too many memories in there for me to deal with today. (He pauses.) It's great to see your face. How are you?
Me: I'm fine.

I look up at him finally. He's smiling at me.
How do I broach the subject that Jonah wanted?


And was that a compliment?

John: Jonah says you guys had a fun time at the Blanc's party last night.

I guess that Sylvia girl doesn't understand about personal space. I feel like everyone nearby is staring at us hoping to get some juicy gossip. Crazy small town nosy people.

Me: Yeah.
Okay here goes.
Me: And Jonah wanted me to talk to you about something.


John: Oh no, not you too. He's been bugging me lately. I know he's just trying to be nice, but I'll be okay.
Me: I'm sorry to bug you. It's just that it was JONAH that asked me to talk to you. We both know he's not the deepest person in the world. And if he's concerned, I'm even more concerned.


John smiles another small smile: That's sweet of you, Elena. You don't need to worry about me.
I look at him with worry etched on my face: But I do worry sometimes.


I feel a little abashed at myself. I have no right to ask him to talk to me about anything. I can feel him devour my face with his eyes.


John: I'm fine, honest. But how have you been? I didn't really get to talk to you much at the birthday party.
Me: I'm just great. The house is a little crowded right now, so I needed to get out for a minute or two... or thirty. Marie is happily watching Ben and the older boys are hopefully staying out of trouble.
John: Who would've thought that YOU'D be a mom of four, counting your step-son.

He laughs so that I know that he doesn't mean anything bad by what he said.

Me: Oh, I know! (I laugh.) Sometimes I think I'm going to lose my mind. (I stop laughing and just smile.) The constant chaos is always entertaining at least. Still, I had to get out before I became a victim of another one of Demarco's pranks.

John flashes me that beautiful smile of his. Sigh. Whoa. Cool it, Elena.


John smiles: I'm glad everything is okay at least.
Me: Mhmm.
John: Well, things should calm down next week. You might miss all the chaos.
Me: Have you missed it this week?
John: I miss a bunch of things. (Do I catch an implied meaning here? I shake my head a little to clear it as he continues.) I certainly would rather have a house full than empty. (His face looks somber as he pauses for a moment.) I'm really sorry for everything I did, Elena.

I stand there watching his face. He looks like he means every word of it.

John: Can you ever forgive me?
Me: You weren't yourself. Of course I can.


John inhales and exhales real fast then whispers: Thank you.

Then he pulls me into a hug. Just a simple, friendly hug. However, it lasts for probably a second or so longer than it should. I can feel the stares of everyone, and I can't help but wonder what they're making of this. John suddenly jerks back as I think he realizes this. We silently laugh at one another for a moment, then I go dance on the small dance floor while John orders another drink.


While I'm dancing off some stress, John's eyes frequently cut over to me. I feel a little self-conscious, but not really in a bad way.


Then, Greg walks in. He's just gotten off work, and is still a little sweaty. Ew. He and John glance and glare at one another. Sylvia Drake bounces over and whispers something in Greg's ear, and she grins at me as she does. Greg's face turns red. Oh great. Thanks, b-t-h.


John also glances at the door like he really wants to leave, but the bartender is already making his drink.


Greg has apparently decided to go be an ***. He starts arguing with John. I can't hear what they're saying from the dance floor.


So, I walk over to try to stop the fight from escalating. Alana looks over at me concerned as I watch the guys continue to argue.

John: There's no rule that says I can't talk to her.


I roll my eyes up to the ceiling.

Greg: Sylvia tells me you guys were all over each other a moment ago.
John: What!? We were discussing things that had nothing to do with you, and we hugged in a FRIENDLY way at the end of our conversation.


Me: Greg, you're acting ridiculous. If you'd come over and talked to me first you could avoid this mess you're causing.
Greg ignores me.
John: Sorry about this, Elena, but I'm not going to just stand here and let him talk to me like this.


Greg gets red in the face again. I roll my eyes again and start to go back to the dance floor.

Greg: I'll talk to you any d--n way I please!
John: I'm warning you, Greg. I've gained control over my temper, but I might just have to make an exception for you.
Greg laughs. Then looks angry again.


Greg: Control your temper? Yeah, right. That's the reason you nearly lost your kids. It's only because Elena is such a sweet person that you get to see them at all! If it were up to me you'd have supervised visits only.

Sylvia just smiles and stretches, apparently happy at her handiwork. I pause in my journey to the dance floor. That woman is really starting to tick me off. Also, the fight between John and Greg is starting to be like a train wreck, you just can't help but watch. I notice the rest of the bar is watching as well.


John is starting to lose it: Like YOU'RE (he pushes Greg) some award winning father? The only reason you have that devilish son of yours at all is because Betty and her husband are renewing their vows.

Greg looks hurt.

So what does he do? Of course, a fight ensues. John doesn't hold back either. Sylvia looks thrilled. I just want to go home now.


Greg gets his butt whooped, naturally.

I saw quietly: Greg. You're being an idiot. I'm going home now.


Both of them stand there and look at me. Okay, now I'm feeling self-conscious.

Greg: I'm not being an idiot. You're the one that's throwing yourself at your ex-husband.
My mouth drops open in shock: I was talking to him about something at Jonah's bequest.
Greg says sarcastically: Huh. Sure.
Me: Fine. Don't believe me. Not like you even ASKED me what happened in the first place. I'm going home.
John just stands there looking at me apologetically.