56: Today Doesn't Last Forever

(originally posted 02/24/2012)

After talking with Eric, I don't know what I should do next. I'm afraid if I go back to work on the pub I might break something. So, I head over to tell Laurie that I'm going to go home.

His head pops around the corner of the bathroom when he hears me open the door. His face looks immediately concerned when he sees mine. I tell him I'm done for the day and leave.


When I get home, I log on to my favorite chatting website, hoping to see OnTheRocks. It's not his usual time to be on, but I'm hoping for the best.

He's not on. Of course not. He must be at work.

So, I sit and randomly chat with other very strange people. A few try to get me to flirt with them, but I dodge their innuendos.


Duchess drives me crazy how she feels like she needs to bark at everyone going by on the street. Yes, Duchess, I know there are people out there. We live in the middle of town. Cool it. They're not bad guys.

I sit and play solitaire for about an hour when I glance over and see that my friend has logged on!


OnTheRocks: Wow, you're home early.
Violet (me): I was going to say the same thing about you.
OnTheRocks: Yeah, er... I actually quit that bar.
Violet: What!?
OnTheRocks: It's no big deal. It's time I moved on anyway.
Violet: Boy, do I know about moving on.
OnTheRocks: My, that's a loaded statement! What happened?

And immediately he understands.

Violet: Greg. Greg happened.

I always feel nervous using their real names. But, how does he know I'm actually using their real names? And what are the odds he'd really know who I was talking about anyway?

OnTheRocks: Oh? What did the infamous Greg do this time?
Violet: I caught him in the park with the same woman he cheated on me with.
OnTheRocks: But, the two of you weren't going steady, were you?
Violet: I know, and I already thought what you're thinking. I really had no right to be as angry as I was. BUT the thing is, he KNEW I was dating John also, and I didn't know about him and this other girl dating.
OnTheRocks: How long had this been going on?
Violet: I don't know. I just know that night before last he went to her when I wouldn't let him sleep with me.
OnTheRocks: Oh...


OnTheRocks: So... the two of you aren't going steady... you didn't want to sleep with him.
I get a little angry: I know where you're going with this and I can't believe you're on his side! Men!
OnTheRocks: Hold up there! I'm just playing the devil's advocate. Poor Greg. I can imagine his frustration.
Violet: WTH
OnTheRocks: Well, think about it from his perspective for a second. He screws up your marriage by screwing this other woman, then the guilt eats him alive so he finally tells you. Then you two divorce, but he probably really didn't want that at all even though he acted like he did. Otherwise, why say he loves you? Why still date you, etc?
Violet: Okay...
OnTheRocks: I'm not done.
Violet: Continue then.
OnTheRocks: Then, he knows you're dating your other ex-husband along with him and that probably drives him insane. Obviously, he wants you and wants to sleep with you, and is further angered when you won't. (and you didn't have to btw, ijs) So, like an idiot bent on trying to hurt you back like you hurt him, he goes right back to the woman that caused him to ruin your relationship in the first place. Like I said, poor guy.
I pause for a little while: So, he went to her specifically to hurt me?
OnTheRocks: I believe so. I'd even wager he didn't know that that was why he did it. I really really feel sorry for that other woman. It's one thing to be cheated on, it's another to be used.
Violet: How is it that you are on their side?
OnTheRocks: I'm not on anyone's "side". I just get the feeling that I doubt you thought about all this. If it were me that all this happened to, I know I'd just be thinking about how the other people wronged me.
Violet: ofc that's what I'm thinking! I'm just looking for a little sympathy. I don't really care right now about worrying about how they feel.
OnTheRocks: I'm sorry. So, what did you do anyway?
Violet: I ended it with him once and for all. I meant it this time. I don't ever want to see him again!
OnTheRocks: Are you sure?


Violet: What do you mean am I sure?
OnTheRocks: Well, this isn't the first time you've ended it with him, is it?
Violet: No. But I meant it this time.

He's quiet for a while.

OnTheRocks: So, are you going to go steady with John now that Greg is out of the picture? You do realize that when John finds out that he will jump at this chance.
Violet: I... hadn't thought about that yet.
OnTheRocks: Doesn't sound like you're really ready to.
Violet: Why do you say that?
OnTheRocks: Simple. You haven't considered it yet. If you wanted to, you would've thought of it by now.
Violet: SHOULD I go steady with him?
OnTheRocks: lol. That's a question only you can answer.
Violet: How did you get to be so smart?
OnTheRocks: lol I'm only smart when it comes to other people's problems.
Violet: So, you need a job? Where do you live?
OnTheRocks: Are you wanting to hire me?
Violet: Yeah, why not?
OnTheRocks: hehe. Don't worry about it. I already have another job lined up anyway.
Violet: Well, ok. and I need to go.
OnTheRocks: np. ttyl.


I sit and think about what my friend said. I think he's right when he said that Greg went specifically to Sylvia because he knew (even if he didn't think about it) that she'd be the one that would hurt me the most for him to go to.

And now what about John? He's the only guy I'm dating. John has been wanting a committed relationship since the day of, if not before, my divorce with Greg. OnTheRocks is right. John is going to POUNCE at this chance.

I start to get a slightly excited/slightly scared/slightly nervous feeling course through my veins at the thought of seeing how John will react to what happened today.

But what do I want? It IS a question only I can answer...

I still don't want a committed relationship with anyone. I'm still a mess, and today was a major setback.

Oh, Greg! Why do you have to be such a jerk?! Why can't I make this ache in my heart go away? Will I ever be able to?


Aggravated, I decide to work some on my bar-tending skills. I really stink at it. I'm glad Laurie rocks at it.

I wonder if Laurie is ever going to open up to me about the negative parts in his life. I wish I could help him. Something. I'm grateful to him for helping me with the bar. I've never felt so independent, even if I have a partner.


And I'm incredibly glad we're not depending on my skills to sell the drinks. We'd close in an hour if it were up to me. Yuck!

Xavier: Hey, Mom?
Me: Yes, sweetie?
Xavier: Are you okay? You're home early and you've been acting mad all afternoon.


I walk around the bar real quick and give my sweet boy a hug.

Me: No, I'm not really okay, but don't you worry. I will be. This has just been a bad day.
Xavier: Good thing today doesn't last forever then.