Marie had yet another prom. She went alone. I guess she didn't get asked out by her own boyfriend or that Dawson kid either. She got in a fight apparently. She won't talk to me about it, so I have no idea what's going on. She just assures me that it's nothing and everything is taken care of now.
Friday
(I did not pick out his outfit. He showed up in his work clothes again, so I MC'd him and chose outfit 4 because I was curious since it was one I didn't put together. Then I was too busy looking at facial expressions to really notice those pants do NOT go with that cardigan thingy. I mean, it could be much worse, but that's not what I would've done. Ugh!)
Friday morning Greg comes by for that visit he mentioned. I feel a little awkward as we shake hands at the front door. Like old acquaintances. Must be more of his extreme square one thing. I bet he's just doing this to tick me off. I invite him inside.
I'm still feeling awkward so I sit on the couch to hopefully hide some of my fidgeting. His expression is unreadable as he comes to sit next to me. It used to be he'd take opportunities like this to playfully fall onto the couch and put his arm around me or his head in my lap, making me giggle.
His eyes cut over to me and I can feel my knees start shaking from the way he looks at me. Geez, Elena! Pull yourself together! Remember. This is the jerk that cheated on you!
I start to ramble aimlessly: So, how have you been since I saw you the other day? How's work?
Ugh. Work. Might as well ask how's Sylvia?
I continue: What do you think of the house so far? I haven't really done any of the decorating. It came like this. I'm thinking about changing some of the furniture around, but I can't make up my mind on what exactly to do, so I'm just sticking with what there is now. I DID buy that little TV over there. Since I don't watch much TV I didn't want to get a huge one... and I don't think I like this coffee table. Hey! You see I put that sphinx head thing on the desk? Do you think that works, or is it tacky?
I hope my nervousness isn't obvious.
He silently chuckles as a smile spreads across his face.
Greg: It's a great house. A bit big, but I guess you don't have to use all of it all the time. What are you going to do with the detached part?
It gets quiet.
Oh. I haven't answered the question!
Me: I don't really know yet. Xavier uses the upper room to paint in. I've only ever been up there a handful of times. I'd say it's probably a total mess, but you know he's very... meticulous in keeping things neat so maybe not.
Greg chuckles again: I was just thinking maybe you could rent the place out as a small apartment.
Uh, huh. Right. To you, right? Eh, no.
I laugh nervously: Maybe I could hire a butler!
Greg clears his throat: Nah, butlers are stuffy. I was just thinking maybe, you know, make a little extra money.
I give him a small, knowing smile: I'll think about it.
Greg sighs and starts drumming his fingers on his knees. We both get quiet again.
The silence stretches on.
I wonder what he's thinking about? Is he thinking about me? Is he thinking about Sylvia? Is he wondering if I'M thinking about Sylvia? Does he know he looks ridiculous in that sweater and that I want to rip it off of him?
Ugh! I'm hopeless!
He nearly makes me jump out of my skin when he suddenly loudly exhales. Then puts his forehead in his hands.
He mumbles to the floor: This is driving me insane.
I say quietly: What is... exactly?
Greg: Starting over.
Now I feel shrewish: It was YOUR idea to start over completely.
Greg: No it wasn't.
Me: Oh it wasn't?
Greg: No. You hardly let me TOUCH you. You acted like I should just thank my lucky stars you were TALKING to me.
Me: After what you did you better believe it.
Greg: But I OWNED UP to it. That's got to count for something!
Me: So just how IS Sylvia lately, Greg?
Greg glares at me a little: I have no idea. I avoid her at work. I'll take out a restraining order if I have to. I've told her I want nothing to do with her ever again.
Me: Oh? I suppose I should just be jumping up and down with glee.
Greg exhales angrily: I didn't come over to sit and talk about Sylvia. I'm leaving.
He stands up in a huff and takes a few steps in the direction of the door. I'm not going to let him just leave like that, so I get up off the couch too.
Me: Stop right there, Gregory Michael Turner!
He stops and turns to look at me with a combined look of anger and shock.
I take a few deep breaths: Fine! Forget Sylvia!
Greg: Done.
Don't start crying. Don't start crying. Don't start crying.
Me: You leaving was NOT my idea of square one!
Greg takes a step in my direction and nearly growls: Then, please EXPLAIN what you meant by it!
Me: I just needed time. TIME!
Greg: Time. Where I had to what, be your ROOMMATE?
I try and fail to stifle a sob.
I'm making those annoying, well annoying to me when I'm doing it, little hiccups as my voice catches: No. Not exactly. I don't know! But I didn't want you to leave!
Greg's eyes soften as the anger leaves them: Please don't cry, Elena darling.
I growl now and stifle the urge to hit him. How dare he call me that?!
Me: I'm not!
Another impish smile starts spreading across his face: Okay, so you're not.
I quickly wipe away a few tears before his hands can reach them. I throw him a look of annoyance, but he just keeps smiling.
Greg voice is gentle: How much TIME?
Me: I don't know. Enough, that's all I know. I just... can't BELIEVE you did that.
Greg's expression becomes somber: You and me both.
His eyes sweep across my face and his gaze lands on my mouth. I stand there hoping he doesn't kiss me. Right now I don't know how I'd react to that, but I doubt it'll be good.
Greg: So, the nasty cheating bast*rd has been sentenced: Hard time.
I don't know why I find that funny. I try not to laugh at the look on his face as well. He sees my failing attempt.
Greg: What if I can get out early for good behavior?
That sobers me up quickly as I feel what feels like an electric shock course through me: Um. Can the jury still be out on that one?
Greg sighs: Please don't leave me hanging like this.
I look at the floor and feel him move closer. My eyes quickly look up at him with warning: It depends on the good behavior I guess.
Greg: Ah! Now that sounds like a challenge! You know I can't resist a challenge.
My heart starts beating faster as I see the determined look on his face.
Greg: So now I guess it remains to be seen just what is good behavior and what isn't?
A moment passes as I sigh quickly and look at the floor, escaping his eyes: I guess.
Greg: Elena darling....
He doesn't continue so I look up at him: Yes?
Greg smiles at what must be the look on my face. I stand there hoping I'm going to like what he says next.
Greg: I need to go to work...
I feel my shoulders drop.
Greg moves so close that our lips are inches apart: But I'd like to come back tonight, if that's okay.
He's too close! Why can't I back away?
I silently nod my head as my gaze drops to his mouth. I'm determined not to kiss him, but I don't think I could stop him should he decide to kiss ME. He hovers there, just looking at me. I feel my knees weaken. His hand reaches up and he strokes my cheekbone with the back of his fingers, his mouth mere millimeters away now.
He's hoping I'll kiss him, dam him! I know this trick, Greg. You've done this to me before! Curse my blasted heart for racing like this!
His fingers find their way to the back of my neck, and I brace myself. He's going to do it! Suddenly, he circles his mouth around and up where he quickly pecks me on my forehead. Smiling, he steps back and walks to the door. I can tell he's stifling some laughter as he mock salutes me before exiting. I growl at the closed door and throw a dog toy at it as I hear his car start outside.
After throwing a minor temper tantrum and taking care of Ben, I sit down at the computer to work off more steam. I get on the same chatting website that I got on a few days ago. Happily, I see that OnTheRocks is logged on as well.
OnTheRocks: Hello again.
Violet (me): Hey there.
OnTheRocks: So have you ditched both of them yet?
Violet: eh, no.. i haven't actually
OnTheRocks: y?
Violet: b/c i just can't let them go. i love them
OnTheRocks: BOTH of them? how can u say u love two guys at the same time? that's weird. poor guys.
Violet: Hey! no fair! it's not like they're dropping me either.
Violet: And who are you to make that judgement?
OnTheRocks: I'm just a lonely bartender that sees people drag people along. it's cruel.
Violet: So in order to not be cruel, i should ditch both of them?
OnTheRocks: if you cant decide. yes.
I stop typing for several minutes.
OnTheRocks: ru there?
Violet: yes
OnTheRocks: what i said made you mad?
Violet: a little... but i also see what you mean. i don't know if i can do that tho
OnTheRocks: maybe date somebody new. to give a fresh perspective of what you want
Violet: A fresh perspective?
OnTheRocks: Yeah. something like that.
Violet: I don't understand.
OnTheRocks: I have to go, but what i mean is its possible neither of them are what ur looking for.. since you keep going back to the other one, so try dating someone new. ttyl
Violet: i'll think about it. mk
I don't feel like chatting with anyone else, so I log off. I go upstairs and read a book until I hear Ben crying. Marie and Xavier get home from school and start working on their homework. While I'm playing with Ben in his room, I hear the doorbell. Marie answers it.
Marie: Oh. Hi, Greg.
Greg: Hi, Marie! What's up?
Marie sounds less than thrilled: Nothing. Oh, here's mom. I'm going to my room.
Greg: I got off work early!
He pulls me into a hug before I have a chance to react. He doesn't act like he means too much by it, though.
Until he pulls me even closer and I can feel my body mold itself into him.
Greg's voice gets a little huskier: I'm REALLY glad I got to get off early tonight.
Whoa, Greg. Too much, too fast.
I wiggle myself, trying to get free. Greg sighs and lets me go.
I stand there quietly, not knowing what to say.
Greg flashes the imp smile, then looks a little more serious: So, what did you do today?
Me: Read some of a book, took care of Ben, chatted online, um... that's pretty much it.
Greg: Want to know what I did today?
Me: Okay.
Suddenly he has my face in his hands.
Greg: I thought about you. All. Day. That's one of the reasons they sent me home early. I was pretty much worthless.
In a panic, I take my hands and put them between his arms, bringing them up and forcing them to the side to get him to let go of me.
Greg: What's wrong?
My eyes get wide: You're making me nervous.
Greg folds his arms, but brings one hand up to his chin: Good nervous or bad nervous?
I'm breathing fast: I don't know. I just wasn't ready for that.
Greg: I'm sorry I scared you. For some reason I thought we could pick up right where we left off before I had to leave for work.
Yes, I bet you did. I start shaking a little as he takes a step closer to me. I can't look him in the eye right now.
Greg: It just seemed like you were disappointed that I had to go to work. It gave me hope.
Me: It's too fast.
Me: And I wasn't exactly "happy" when you left for work. I distinctly remember throwing something.
Greg chuckles a little: You threw something? It must've been after I closed the door.
Me: I think it was.
One of his eyebrows raises: So why throw something?
He's too close again! And I still can't get my legs to make me back away.
Me: I was mad of course.
He reaches up and runs his thumb along on my cheekbone.
Not all this again. Crap. He knows it works!
Greg tucks some errant strands of hair behind my ears: What were you mad about?
I glare at him: That you can do this and get away with it.
Greg: Oh? What is it I'm getting away with?
Me: You're trying seduce me.
More than trying to.
Greg: And I'm getting away with it?
His arms casually slide down and entwine themselves around me. My heart beats out of control, and I can hardly breathe due to the butterfly rampage going on inside me. I'm quiet.
Greg: AM I getting away with it?
Me: Greg, I just don't know if I can trust you.
His gaze drops: Can you trust me enough for this?
Me: Enough for what?
I've got to turn this questioning back around. I'm in trouble here.
Greg smiles for a second: Me holding you like this.
I'm quiet. Crap.
He brings his hand up and massages the back of my neck.
Oh hell yeah, that feels good. I hadn't realized my neck was so stiff from reading earlier.
Greg's emerald eyes sparkle: I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that this is okay.
I want so bad to glare at him, but my eyes won't obey my commands because of his hands' wonderful ministrations. My eyes close as I feel his free arm tightens its hold.
Greg: Elena, I love you. I'll never love anyone else like I love you.
I open my eyes to see his glowing by the light of the lamp. My skin has that humming sensation again. It's like there's an electric current running over us.
Greg sounds breathless: I hope this is okay because I'm going to risk it.
No!
His lips find mine, and I can feel my legs start to give out. His arms are around me so tightly I wonder if he even notices. I feel consumed by my resident butterflies. Is this really happening? Should I allow this to happen? Greg's whole body seems to respond with a resounding yes.
All of this feels ludicrously familiar. This is just like it was before we were married, when I was still married to John. Greg acts so triumphant. I can't decide if that ticks me off or makes me want to cry out triumphantly myself.
Greg is one hell of a kisser. I wonder if that's why Sylvia was so eager to kiss him that day.
That thought sobered me up with the force of one of Zeus' powerful thunderbolts. I jerk back from him while simultaneously thinking of John and his stories.
Greg: Elena?
I feel a renewed sense of panic: I can't do this! I can't do this!
Greg's eyes reflect his apparent pain: Why?
Me: I just can't.
I don't know what else to say; I just know I can't stand the look of pain in his eyes. So, I throw my arms around his neck.
Me: Oh, Greg. I just can't. It's just too much right now.
He leans his chin down to rest on my shoulder and lets out a mournful sigh. I feel his warm breath on my ear as he turns his head to, I guess, smell my hair.
"...sees people drag people along. it's cruel." My chat buddy's words echo in my head. I can't let this go on forever. Then I hear my father's voice in my head, "You're going to have to beat the boys off of you with a stick one day, sweetheart. Don't worry that they don't notice you now." So much for just being me, being me alone. That's not going to be possible. And I really miss my Daddy.
Greg: It's alright, Elena darling.
It's my turn to sigh as I lean my forehead on his muscular shoulder.
He pulls his head back and gets hold of my chin to make me look up at him: I'll see you later?
I nod my head as well as I can considering he has hold of my chin. I dare not speak for fear of bursting into tears. He lightly kisses my lips and turns to head towards the door.
Me: Greg, wait.
I must be crazy. I can't let him walk out the door right now. I don't want to watch him leave. Not yet. Not now.
He turns around with a curious expression on his face.
Greg: What is it, Elena darling?
Me: I just... don't want you to leave. Don't leave.
Greg: Why? What do you want?
I throw my arms around him again, and he gleefully embraces me in return.
Me: I don't really know what I want. I just know what I DON'T want. And right now I don't want you to walk out that door.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I am a glutton for punishment. What do I think is going to be accomplished by me doing this? I'm just going to hurt him and myself in the process. But I just can't let him go.
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