59: Greg Tries Again

(originally posted 03/02/2012)

The Next Thursday Night

Laurie and I have had a fabulous first week for the bar! We were busy every night except Tuesday. I guess that's because that's the night the dance club hosted a girls' night.

Laurie is all smiles around me now. I didn't know the man could smile that much. I'd like to think I have something to do with it, but I haven't changed anything about the way I am around him or treat him. He must be enormously pleased with the bar. I just hope the crowds don't totally disappear when the novelty of the place dies down.

The kids are in bed and I'm not tired. So, I head off to the bookshelf to finally start reading that romance novel I picked up the same day I broke it off with Greg. I'm curious to see what the heroine did with her problem.


I've gotten half way through the living room when I hear a tap on the glass of the door. I turn and see who it is through the window.

Oh no. Greg. What are you doing?! No! I MUST not fall for his tricks again! I've got to tell him to go home, get lost, leave me alone, bug.ger off, go away.

He stares at me through the window with a pitiful look on his face that reminds me of a lost puppy.

Greg: Elena, let me in.


My heart breaks as I look at him. He's really tugging at my heart strings with that adorable face of his.

I walk over to the door because I don't want to wake the kids up by me yelling through the door from the other side of the room.

I talk as quietly as I can for him to hear me: Greg, go home.
Greg pauses for a moment: My home is where you are.

I put my hands on my hips to hopefully portray a stern posture. I knew this would happen. I KNEW he'd try this. Of course he would. This is so like him. Thing is, that look of remorse on his face looks real. He's just not the best at maintaining a relationship, but he sure is darn good at making up.

Me: No, your home is with Sylvia now.
Greg: Just let me come in.

I'm in danger here. He needs to leave.


I stand there quietly while we simply stare at one another.

Greg tries again: Elena darling, please let me in. Just TALK to me, please!
Me: I don't think that's a good idea, Greg.
Greg scoffs for a second: What, are you afraid of me?
Yes. I'm terrified of you.
Me: You can't come in. You'll wake up the kids. I just got them into bed.
Greg sighs and his breath momentarily fogs up the window: Then you come out here... and talk to me.

I feel a knot of fear form in the pit of my stomach. I mustn't do this! Why won't he just leave?! If I go out there I'm doomed. If I go out there I'll fall for that charmer again.


(stupid plumbob)

Greg's facial expression becomes more desperate: Elena, I'm dying inside every second I'm away from you. I can't stand this. Please come outside; I don't want to talk through the door all night.
All night. He's going to stand there all night if I don't go out and talk to him
I lower my hands in defeat: Fine.


I step outside and keep my back very close to the doorway, avoiding him like I would a coiled snake. I don't have much room to do that. Greg's form seems to take up the entire front porch. I back myself into the inside corner, and I do what I can to avoid those intense emerald eyes of his. It's not easy.

Me: Greg, this is pointless. You...
Greg interrupts: Pointless? I think not.
I refuse to let myself look at him: I told you I don't want to see you again.


Greg's voice takes on a velvety quality: Come on, Elena darling. You couldn't have meant that.
My eyes snap up to his in anger: Of course I did!
Greg's eyes twinkle from the light from the porchlight: Then why did you come out here?

How DARE you assume that just because I'm out here I'm welcoming your presence! Do I really have to spell it out for him again? It. Is. Over! I guess he's asking me to hurt him.

My eyes glare at him: Because I think you're not going to leave unless I do. I'm only out here so I don't have to yell through the door. If you think my being out here means that I'm willing to give you yet another chance then you're wrong. If that's true then I may as well go back inside and ignore you like the brat you are.

Air puffs out of Greg's lungs in a slight "uh" sound. I can see the hurt in those beautiful eyes, and it hurts me as well. Why does he have to make this so hard? I don't like being mean like this.


Greg almost whispers: Ow.
I let out a shuddering breath: I'm sorry, but you should've known I wouldn't want to see you.
Greg's voice takes on a little more strength: No, how can you say that? After everything we've been through?
Me: That's exactly it, Greg. Everything we've been through is the exact reason I don't want to see you anymore. I was almost ready to start trusting you again. Then... (my voice chokes) to see you with HER again.
Greg: So, you're allowed to date John and I'm not allowed to date someone else? That's a nasty double standard.
Me: You could've told me about you and Sylvia.
Greg: I was planning to. I just didn't know how to tell you. Thing is, I didn't even WANT to start anything with her again. That night was the first time I'd seen her. Honest. I don't even know why I did it. I could never love her like I do you.
Please stop saying you love me.


I look away, desperate to find some escape from those eyes: So... does she know you're here?
Greg: I don't care if she does. YOU'RE the one I care about. I'll say it a million times if I must! I love...
I close my eyes real tight and my voice is strained as I quickly interrupt: Go home, Greg.
Greg: Like I told you... I AM home. Wherever you are is home. (He pauses for a moment as I feel him staring at me.) Elena darling, look at me.

No! Fear courses through me. Fear of him. Fear of what I fear will happen if I look at him. It's safer to just stare at the sidewalk.


Butterflies multiply in my stomach and I start shaking slightly as he reaches his hand up to cup my cheek. With that hand, he turns my face towards his. Our eyes meet again, and when I see the adoration in his I feel a melting at my core. It feels wonderful as he then takes his hand and brushes the back of his fingers against my cheek. I'm mildly hypnotized as I feel his rough hands tease the little hairs on my face. Relishing this sensation, I close my eyes.

When I feel his thumb graze my lips, my eyes fly open in shock. Oh no! What am I doing? Danger!


Greg starts to pull me towards him, his voice now huskier than before: Elena...
I push against him: No! Greg don't!
Greg: Don't push me away.
Thinking only of escape I say: I must! You're dangerous!


Greg almost laughs: Me? Dangerous? How am I dangerous to you?
The words rush out of my mouth as my hand goes up to shade my eyes: You just are. Please, Greg. Leave.
Greg: How can I go forward when my heart is here?
Oh, great. Shakespeare. Or very near it.
Me: Your heart is NOT here, I don't want it.


Another look of pain flies across his face, and I feel like I'm bleeding internally in reaction to it. He starts to breathe faster as if he is trying to calm himself down. He swallows and looks at the porch. Or my feet, I don't know.

Me: Greg, please don't make me have to be mean.
Greg exhales real fast with a disbelieving sound.
Me: How else can I get through to you? We're finished.


Suddenly Greg leans in and murmurs low into my ear: As long as I live, Elena darling, we're not finished. You may SAY you don't love me, but I can still see it in your eyes. Yes, I screwed up, and I'm paying dearly for my mistakes. But I'm not going to up and surrender just like that, my darling. There is nothing you can do, there is nothing you can say to make me stop loving you. We're soul-mates and you know it.

My heart is racing as his voice sends chills up my spine. I try to pull away, but he puts his hand on the back of my shoulders, holding me still. He is WAY too close. I breathe in his scent and feel my resolve weakening. He's right, of course. I love him still. But I will NOT trust him again.

I whisper: No, Greg.
Greg: Yes, Elena darling. Surely you feel it too when we're together. I'm drawn to you like a moth to the flame.

I suddenly remember that night at the campsite again--that time I saw a moth actually fly into the fire. I'm in that fire now.


He pulls back a moment and I'm lost in his eyes as he looks down at me. Suddenly, his lips are on mine. I back away in shock and actually manage to gain my freedom.
My hand flies up to my mouth as I stare back at him in shock. That electrical current I always feel when I'm around him is still there, and I can't ignore it at this moment. Greg looks at me like he's about to kiss me again, and I know I must stop this immediately.


My voice is amazingly calm and stern as I back as far into the corner of the porch as simly possible: No, Greg. Leave.
Greg slowly closes the gap I've created: I don't want to.
Now my voice starts to rise in panic: You must! I can't do this! I can't trust you ever again!

My hands fly up in front of me to ward him off. I'm soon pushing against his chest. Greg looks down at my hands, then looks back at me with more hurt in his eyes. I feel mine start to tear up.

Greg: Elena, don't be this way.


I start to sob: Just... leave. I can't trust you. I will not give you another chance.

I shove roughly against him, catching him off guard. He's forced backwards, and this time he stays back.

Greg looks totally crushed: Alright. I see I'm hurting you right now. I'll leave.




I stand there and watch him walk down the stairs. His shoulders are slumped.

Greg turns his head around halfway to me while getting his keys out of his pocket: I'm not giving up, Elena darling. You know where to find me should you need me. Until then I'll continue to hope.

Fresh tears well up and cascade down my cheeks. I'm caught in a vicious cycle. I have to try harder to let my love for him go. I resolve to try to remain constantly distracted. The best way to do that will be to accept whatever John offers me. He's better for me, and I love him too.