53: Sole Custody of my Heart

(originally posted 02/21/2012)

Out of the blue, Greg picks me up.

I squeal in surprise: What are you doing?
Greg: Helping you up the stairs.

I wiggle around. This is crazy!

Greg: Be still.
Me: Put me down!
Greg chuckles: In a minute.

I tuck my head into his shoulder because I'm scared I'm going to hit my head on the ceiling as he carries me up the spiral staircase. I don't know how he does it, but we manage to make it up without breaking our necks.

He deposits me on the bed. I try to immediately sit up, but he firmly holds me back against the mattress with one hand on each of my shoulders.


I guess we're not at square one anymore, I think as his lips attack mine.


Greg's eyes look like melted emeralds when he stops suddenly to look down at me: Elena darling, let me stay the night.

My heart flies up into my throat as I can't help but feel drawn in to the pleading expression in his eyes. I want so desperately to give in to him. I've missed him so much! But... my heart still aches when I think of the two of them together.

Me: I don't think you should, Greg.
Greg looks genuinely hurt for a few seconds, then his eyes focus on my mouth again.


I expect to be subjected to a full-on aggressive attack, but instead he kisses me gently, taking his time. This is almost more than I can stand. I don't know if I can say no to him for long with this tender, heart-breakingly loving way he pulls at my emotions. I get the feeling he'd be just as happy to lay here all night just kissing me. Oh dear God. What am I going to do? He shouldn't stay, which of course means I really want him to.


Even though he kisses me gently, he also doesn't let me turn away or escape in any way I can figure out. Every time I get the chance to move my head to the side, his shoulders adjust to follow me. I can't seem to jerk my head effectively away either because he's firmly grasped the back of it. There isn't a feeling of being trapped because I know that if I really, really wanted him to, he'd back off.

I slowly realize I'm not getting enough air, however. My hands start to push against his shoulders hard. He grunts a complaining, negative sound. I whimper and keep pushing.


Finally, he lifts his head a little, and I take in a huge gasp of air as my hand now rests up on his shoulder.

Greg: What is it?
Me: I couldn't breathe right.

Greg chuckles again and places light kisses all over my face. I can't stand it! I feel myself tightly close my eyes in an effort to ward off the urge to take either side of that stupid cardigan and rip the two sides apart, probably pulling off a few buttons in the process.

Greg whispers: Just let me stay.
I take in another quick breath.
Greg: I promise I'll be good.
Me: Greg...
Greg interrupts me: I've missed you so much, Elena darling.

I could get used to him calling me that again. I open my eyes; I hadn't realized they were still closed. All I can see are his eyes looking back at me with all the love anyone could ever possibly possess. My heart screams to me its longing. No, I can't trust him. I can't trust him!

Greg: I miss you being next to me while I sleep. It's just awful waking up and not seeing you there. A few times I've forgotten that you're not there, and I have reached out for you only to find that part of the bed empty.
I let out a shuddering sigh.
Greg continues: Just let me sleep here next to you. Just sleeping. (He smiles.) Remember that night in the tent?
I nod.
Greg: I was good then.
I'm silent.
Greg: Please?
I close my eyes, slowly nod my head again and hear him exhale in a triumphant huff before he kisses me enthusiastically.



(I LOVE the fact that he slept with his eyes open!)

We stay up for a while longer just talking about how we could repair our relationship. He sounds utterly forlorn about the consequences of his affair with that woman, and he tells me he wants nothing more than to fix "us". I believe him.

I don't last very long in the discussion, though. I've had yet another very emotional day, and I'm exhausted.


In the middle of the night, I wake up slightly and feel Greg's arms around me. He's running his mouth along the back of my shoulders on my nightshirt and occasionally up to the back of my neck. I sigh happily and feel his arms constrict around me even more. We both fall back asleep.


Saturday



I wake up the next morning to the sound of Duchess barking short, separate barks at me.

I groan: Duchess, go get Marie to let you out and walk you. I'm too tired.
I swear that dog understands me, I think as she sounds like she's grumbling and walks down the stairs.



I open my eyes to see Greg. Oh! I forgot!

Greg's eyes look at me warmly: Good morning, beautiful.
I blink a few times, trying to clear my head: Morning.

Then I groan again and bury my face into the pillow. Greg chuckles, and I hear him get up and head off to the bathroom.


A few minutes go by and I hear the shower turn on. The sound of the running water really makes me have to "go". My heart does little flip-flops as I sit on the toilet trying not to look at Greg's beautiful body through the glass of the shower.

He's singing... Badly. I hold in a chuckle and smile. He doesn't usually sing this bad. I wonder if he's doing it on purpose.


He gets out of the shower and quickly gets dressed as I brush my teeth. I start rubbing the back of my neck where it had been tilted at a weird angle for a while when his arms were around me last night.

Greg: You okay? Here. Let me help.

Who am I to turn down a free back rub?


Greg: Elena...
Me: Yes?
Greg: Did I push you too much last night? I just couldn't stand the thought of not staying the whole night. I really meant it when I said I miss you.
Me: I've missed you too.
Greg jumps at this chance with a look of hope on his face: Then maybe I could move back in! Or move in period, since this is a new place.


Me: Greg...
Greg: Yes?
Me: I still love you. (He smiles before I continue.) Last night was nice. It was nice to have you there again, but I'm not ready for us to live together yet.
And if you wanted to live together, maybe you shouldn't have run out on me!
Greg sighs: I just... It's just I hoped that what with all we talked about last night that we could really get started on rebuilding our lives together right away.


John's face suddenly pops into my head. John... No, I can't have Greg move in. Especially since I'm not entirely sure that that's what I want. Sure, the idea sounds like a fairytale right now, but I don't trust even myself to make a smart decision on this.

And... That OnTheRocks guy. His words echo in my head. I wonder who he IS?

Greg: Elena darling, think about it. We're supposed to be together.

He puts his arms on my shoulders and gets me to turn back to face him.

Satisfied he has my full attention, he continues: Why else do we keep going back to one another? I love you, you love me. The next logical step is to be together!
I sigh and look into his eyes with an admonishing expression: Greg, yes we love each other, but I'm not ready for you to move in. Yes, sure, visit. Visit ALOT. Just... I'm not ready for that yet.

Marie yells up the stairs, wondering what we're going to have for breakfast and if I want her to cook it.

Me: I'd better get downstairs before she burns the house down.


He releases me. I glance back at him to see a dumbfounded and almost angry expression on his face. Sorry, Greg. You're going to have to get over it. We will do things my way, and I'm not ready to let you have sole custody of my heart again.