48: Mini Greg

(originally posted 02/09/2012)

Sunday


I invited Greg to the party too, knowing that this may cause problems when John shows up, but he IS Ben's father. Besides, I doubted he'd come. Um, he DID come.

Me: Uh, hi Greg.
He looks.... old. He's younger than John, but he looks so... old.
Greg: Hi.

Then we stand there quietly staring at each other, saying nothing. Talk about awkward! Also, I don't think he changed his clothes since the last time we spoke, along with the time before that. I hope he's at least washed them, but I doubt it.

Me: Well, uh, I'll go get the cake out of the fridge.

Demarco came and brought a friend I've never seen before in my life. Great Greg, bring your son and let him invite some random kid into my house. Thanks.


...


(Geez, this pic stinks!)

I wait and wait and wait. Marie shows up with Xavier, but X-man eventually has to leave for some study group at the school. I ask Marie where John is as Greg rolls his eyes (he thought I couldn't see I bet). She says she thought he'd be here.

Finally, I get tired of waiting and we go ahead and start the cake thing.


I knew it. He looks like Greg. This is bittersweet. On one hand, I'm glad because he looks like him so I'll always have a little Greg around. On the other, I'll always have a little Greg reminder around reminding me how he cheated and then left. Don't think about it. It's done with.

Greg gave him this outfit before he left, so I was sure to put him in it. I hoped it would make Greg thaw out a little towards him, but I don't know if it works. He does mention he's happy I have good taste in clothes by putting him in it.


I can't get Greg to talk to me, and John still hasn't shown up. I can't stand it anymore! Well, I'm selling the house and moving out, so I may as well enjoy the hot tub while I can.


Before I go out I try calling his cell phone. No answer.

The party disperses. Greg hardly looks at me again. Marie says she's going to go get hers and X-man's stuff and be back late tonight. I nod.

The sun goes down. Still no John. I sit out in the hot tub and try not to have my feelings hurt.

A voice calls from the other side of the fence: Elena?
Me: Huh?
John: Come to the front door and let me in, will you?

So there he is. He'd better have a TERRIFIC explanation for why he wasn't here.


John: You're not going to believe this, Elena. Work called me in just as I was leaving the house to come over here.
I sigh: I do believe it actually.

John's expression is a mixture of hurt and apologetic. I look away and walk over to put the cake up. I hear Ben's fussing up in his crib, so I go and get him and bring him downstairs.

John: Would you please take off the sunglasses?
Me: Fine.


John: Please don't be mad at me. I hated not coming over.
Me: You could've at least called. Or answered your phone when I called.
John: You called?
Oh, don't you EVEN play the "I didn't see you called" card. It's old.
I sigh: Yes.
John pulls out his phone: Crap! I had it on silent and forgot to check.
I glare at him.


John: I mean it, Elena. Oh dammit, come here.

He pulls me into a hug. I'm still a little mad, but his arms feel marvelous around me.

John: I'm so sorry, baby. I'm a scumbag. You can kick me out and send me home if you want, I wouldn't blame you.

He says it in an almost joking manner, but I can also hear the painful sincerity in his voice.

Me: No, that won't be necessary.


Ben sits staring at the tv. Poor kid. I've packed up all the toys. I plan on moving very soon.


John: Things have just been going nuts right now at work. These new trainees wouldn't know their *** from a hole in their head. (He pauses.) Sometimes I come home and have a hard time unwinding, hence me going to the bar alot. Well... okay so that's not my only reason for going to the bar. It also happens to be the place you seem to like to go.
Me: The dance club is too loud. I guess I'm getting old.

I chuckle. He half-smiles and shakes his head a little.

John: I like seeing you every day. I miss you like crazy when I don't.


Me: You're welcome here any time you want.

A slow smile spreads across his face.


John: So, what if someone else is over? Should I call first? Or are you seeing anyone else?

I know he means Greg. What is he getting at though?

Me: No, I HAVE only been divorced for a few days after all.
John: Elena, I'd really like to try again with us. I think you do too. Can we do this right?
Me: Define "right".
John: I mean date exclusively and see how it goes.

Oh crap.

Me: John. It's too soon. (He looks down and I'm quick to reassure him.) Wait, I just want to not be exclusive with anyone. It might be better if I don't date at all, but I don't know if I can do that. I love having you close. I feel safe, comfortable... But I screwed up royally, and I don't want to do that again. I want to take things super slow so I have time to really think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Whatever it is I'm doing.

John hasn't looked back up at me yet. He sighs and closes his eyes. I wish I knew what was going on inside his head. Is he mad? I used to be able to really tell, but this new self-controlled John is harder to read. I don't think he's really happy with what I just said, that's for sure. He sighs again as he opens his eyes and it's all I can do not to throw my arms around him.


John: I can understand why you're wanting to take it slow. But, can't we just take it slow and go steady anyway?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't want to commit to anything. I don't want to hurt you again so I'm going to be completely honest.
John: It's still Greg, isn't it?
I sigh: Currently, no. But I don't know what might happen. I still love him too which is why I won't lead you on and make you think that you're the only one.
John: Love him... too?
Me: Well, yes. Because I love you also.


Before I can even look up and see the expression on his face so I could gauge his reaction, he pulls me into a tight embrace and kisses me so passionately that I can hardly breathe.


I start to pull back after a while, but he holds me tighter, obviously not wanting the kiss to end yet. I'm going to faint!

There's so much emotion in his embrace that I can't decide which one is the dominant one. At times he feels like he's trying to brand me possessively, which worries me a little. At other times he just feels like he's so happy it must be all he can do to keep from bouncing up and down like a child. But what touches my heart the most is when he treats me like I am the most precious, most important person to him in the whole world. Of course I love you. How can I not?

Ben starts fussing. He's finished his bottle and needs to go back to bed.

John: I'll go put him to bed if you want. Join me in the hot tub in a sec?
I giggle: Yeah, and thanks.


I watch as John goes over and picks up Greg's baby. At first Ben looks at him like 'who's this guy?', but John is so relaxed and nice that they seem to quickly bond. John tickles him and Ben squeals with laughter. I have to leave the room before John sees the tears in my eyes.


I duck my head a little as I walk past him out the door to the backyard. John looks concerned, but I don't stick around to answer the question in his eyes.

Oh why can't GREG be the one making Ben squeal with laughter? He's his child! How can he just seem to not care? And why, after that wonderful moment with John am I thinking about Greg again? I should be happy that John and Ben are comfortable around each other, not wishing that it was Greg standing there!


I've calmed down by the time John comes outside.

Me: He do okay?
John: Oh yeah. No problem. Kid really wanted to go to sleep apparently; he passed right out.


John: Didn't you have exercise equipment out here before?
Me: Yes, I've got it packed away in a storage unit to sell the house. I have someone coming to look at it tomorrow. I thought all the equipment would make the yard look cluttered.
John: Where are you going to move if they want the place?
Me: I don't know. I haven't figured that part out yet.


John: You know, that house that's caddy-cornered from mine is for sale. I remember you used to like it.
Me: Really?! Yes! I love that house.
John smiles: And that means I'll worry a little less.
Me: Huh?
John: I don't like you being here by yourself. It would be perfect if you would just move back in with me, and I was going to ask you to. But after what you said in the house a moment ago, I'm guessing that's not what you want.
I sigh: Not right now at least.
John smiles again: It's alright. I can be patient.

What am I doing? John seems determined. I may end up hurting him again anyway. Dammit! Well, at least I'm trying to be as honest as possible. All the same though, I almost WANT to move back in with him. Sigh.